Journey To The Half Of My Deen

Chapter Five

LAIBA P.O.V

I tied my hair into a bun and wore a turquoise Hijab and went downstairs to hear everyone's laughter and exciting voices. It's been a whole week since they are here.

I went to the female sitting room to see Sadaf glaring at Halima and I frowned. What happened to her?

She has been so lost and distant ever since Aunty Azra came. I wonder why we haven't talked properly since they came, which is weird.

"You okay?" I asked sitting next to her "yeah I am okay why?" She said and smiled I don't know why but I felt like she was lying but ignored it

"No you just seem a bit off" I said genuinely

"you are just imagining things Laiba, I'm good" she said a bit rudely but decided to ignored her tone and got up to go and sit with Halima and Lubna but then decided to go and get water since I was getting thirsty

As I sat and drank lost in my thoughts as I stared nowhere in particular

"ignoring me?" Said a deep voice removing me out of my thoughts and choked on the water and started coughing

"oh my goodness I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you" he said and got close which made me uncomfortable i put my hand up for him to understand not to get closer to me

"I'm okay" I whispered and so low that no one would hear it except me but somehow he managed to hear it

there was this awkward silence lingering around us he didn't say a word nor did I but that soon changed

"Why are you so distant?" He asked and that's when I looked at him then looked down

"I'm a practicing Muslimah, Well at least try to and this right now is not allowed just because I don't talk to you it doesn't mean that I'm ignoring you, I just have modesty, I love and respect my religion, and I wouldn't dare do anything that would go against my religion" I said lowly hoping he heard

"You clearly know that I like you, Laiba" he said

"If you like me that much then ask for my hand in marriage" I said and walked out once I came out of the kitchen. I realized I was holding my breath and I could finally breathe properly.

Then I noticed someone standing outside and that was none other than my sister Halima she smiled at me then hugged me "I'm proud of you" and I smiled with a small giggle "let's go" Halima said and dragged me to Lubna

Later that day we went out to eat and then went bowling. It was so much fun! But then ended up being so tired, once we reached I went to my parents wanted to talk to me but they never got the chance

"Come sit" said dad and I say in between him and mum "Laiba your mother and I wanted to talk to you about something" I nodded and he continued in a serious tone

"You had an anxiety attack after so long Laiba and you have been taking your medication so I don't understand what happened, are you stressed about something?" I straighten my posture worried and scared.

There was a silence after sometime dad broke the silence "is there something that you want to talk about? What made you so afraid and panicked my love" dad said holding my small hand in his huge strong one

"I honestly don't know " said looking down and the room went silent "are you sure my daughter?" Asked mum.

 "yes mum" I said looking at her and she nodded smiling "I believe you" and also my dad nodded in approval.

I know that i shouldn't lie but i didn't want my parents to worry, if i tell them that i had anxiety because of a certain someone who has come back into my life, they wouldn't understand.

I was really close to him, he meant everything to me, and then he left making me have panic attacks and anxiety. I realized much later that I had to rely on Allah alone and not a human for it'll only hurt and cause sorrow.

I had depended on him, that was my mistake which I had to pay for, with this condition that I never had before, Anxiety. Ya Allah forgive me that i lied to my parents, please forgive me.

***

Later that night after having a conversation with my parents I went to my room so that I could pray

I yawned and whispered Audhubillah min shaytan ar- rajim then got up and did wudhu, i started reading Quran a bit loudly with a beautiful voice, after I was done I got ready to sleep

opened my scarf and let my really long hair open but I was having a bit trouble tying my hair so I called Halima and told her to help me out

in no time there was a knock on the door I opened and my sister came in

"Why do you keep your hair long if you can't take care of it!" Halima said angrily

"Well I really love my long hair, Thank you" I rolled my eyes

"come sit now" I sat in front of her so she could braid it. 

 "can I ask you something?" she suddenly voiced

"Yeah, go ahead" I said as I stared out of the window she held her breath.

 "are you okay" she let it go, I was surprised i turned to look at her with wide eyes

"Yeah, what do you mean?" I asked confused

"mum and dad told me what the doctors had said Laiba" I kept quiet but never said a word

"is it because of Zeeshan?" I decided not to say anything and let her continue speaking

"Like I remember when they moved away you had become really sick!" She said while in thought

"did you have a panic attack because you were overwhelmed that you would have to see him again?" She asked slowly and with emotion in her voice I looked down

"yeah...." I whispered but we both didn't say a word after that

when she was done with my braid she laid down on the bed and made me lie in bed with her and she hugged me from the back and I sighed and soon I found sleep.