Refusing Love

30. Not done yet

Charlie's POV

We stood silently in Brad's living room. After a trip to the crime scene, which turned out to be a ship container to see if the guy Julian shot was left for dead, we went to the hospital to see if he was there. He was not. We knew nothing which made me restless. The thougth that Julian might end up in jail was killing me. I couldn't believe his stupidity. After everything that happened, he still went on to do "business" with that jerk Tobias.

"Okay, i think you guys should talk a little." Caroline stood up first convincing Brad with her eyes to let us alone. After a few whispers, thy finally left.

I had nothing to say to Julian, except that i was disappointed in him.

"Charlie?" he called but I didn't respond. He called me again then decided to get closer to me. I moved away.

"Can't we just talk about this? I'm sure the guy's not even dead. It was just a drug deal gone wrong." he made me get up on my feet.

"I don't understand how you can just talk as if it was nothing. Why would you even help him after everything he did to you?" I was screaming. I didn't like it but I was so angry at him.

"It's different, I was helping Kyle." he said standing up as well.

"Kyle?"

"Yes. Tobias had some dirt on him and if I hadn't done this then Kyle's life would have been over." he explained.

"I'm pretty sure Kyle is grown up enough to deal with his own problems." my head was starting to ache from all the anger boiling in me.

"Kyle is family, I couldn't let him go down because of my past. This was something I had to do."

The one thing that made me even more angrier was the fact how calm he was. While I was losing it.

"Charlie, I have a screwed up past that will haunt me for the rest of my life maybe. But it's who I am and I know it's hard for you right now it's just that..." he stopped to take a few breaths then looked at me again. "I think I'm falling for you, you're all I can think about before I fall asleep. I think about how much I want to have you next to me every time I am talking with my parents about the future. I want to hold you and kiss you every time I think I'm smelling your perfume or when I'm sad, when I'm fed up with the world. But, Charlie, I feel like I have accepted you fully with all your flaws while you still have doubts about me. I want you to accept me like i did you."

And while he talked, while the first tear fell down over my cheek, I knew he was slipping away.

"I don't know maybe you need time to think about what you want. But I promise you one thing, I'll be waiting for you and when you know you're ready to sacrifice as much as I am for our relationship then I'll be yours. Only yours." he gave me a kiss on the forehead. Now all the anger was gone and it was replaced by a sense of desperation.

He walked out the room and instead of swallowing my pride and run after him, I didn't even look at the door. So, I was left with my selfish self trying to ignore how much all this hurt. I didn't want to cry but I did because for the first time, I couldn't stop them.

Caroline walked in right away trying to make me say anything but I just sobbed. Once she hugged me, I sobbed even more clenching my teeth not to scream.

I had gotten a taste of what it was like to not be alone and I lost it. My world was shattered for the time being. I was completely broken and all that because od one person.

I couldn't believe someone could make us feel so weak.

I cried some more, then a little bit more until my tears dried out. After all this, I needed to get home and take a long, long shower. And maybe get fat a little.

Caroline drove me back to my house. She hugged me again, told me that she'd call. I said thanks for everything then finally entered the house.

It was louder then usual. At first I thought some party was going on but then I walked in the living room. My mom was sobbing aling side my sister. Everyone was there.

"What's going on?" I asked walking straight to my mom.

"Charlie, honey." Mrs. Palmer, our next door neighbor held my hand. "Your father, he had a heart attack." she said making this the worse day of my life.

"What?" I gasped feeling the tears filling up again.

"He's in the hospital."

I really needed Julian more then ever.