C o l d

~24~

Draft: 30/03/18 21:03
Published: 1/04/18 16:11

Double update cause the last  update was short.
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'It feels like I'm drowning. And while I'm drowning, everyone seems to be able to breathe fine, while i am struggling to just smile and gulp down air,'
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it was a normal day at school today.

everyone called me a fag. the principle threatened to expel me if my reputation doesn't improve. i got my school bag thrown into toilet.

same old activities.

i walk down the empty hallways, approaching the door that leads me out of this nightmare. this hell. this abomination.

pushing the doors open, i sigh, feeling the cold air beat on my face. it's still cold and it's the beginning of spring. hmm, when is it going to warm up?

i yelp as i get pulled into a separate alley way, a place with only a garbage can and a cat that was sleeping was. "hey let go of me!" i immediately yell. but before someone could realise someone was assaulting me, the mysterious person put their hand over my mouth.

it's soft against my lips. it is small as well, not looking as if it would belong to a boy. they kept on pulling me deeper into the alley way, making sure i wouldn't escape. this person is really good at this stuff what the hell?

finally they let go of me, and immediately, i turn around, ready to punch whoever did this.

but i stop.

it's jiae

what is she doing here?

why did she just assault me?!

i stop my fist, seeing the scared look in her eyes, before sighing and relaxing. i can't help but to stop. she's...she's still a close person to me. i'd hate to hurt her.

"what do you want?" i ask, not meaning to sound mean. i guess my mouth just talked on its own. i can't even stand to see her anymore, without thinking i'd cry.

she sighed, looking as if she was killing an innocent puppy. "i...i'm sorry," she chocked out "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to-,"

"don't believe you," i say. she's not sorry. she can't be sorry. if she was really my friend, she wouldn't stab me in the back. she hates me. everyone hates me.

she stared up at me, upset and lost, trying to look into my soul. i wish she knew that i my soul is dead. there's nothing left of it. it's been picked apart by everyone and everything that get me.

"i-i,"

"say that to my face,"

"...pardon?"

"say that you're sorry to my face,"

she gulped, putting her hands to her side, looking at me with those sad eyes that i still hate to see.

i still miss her despite everything she did to me.

how can i miss someone who pretended to like me for i don't know how many years?

"i'm sorry," she said to me, her voice wavering as she started breathing uneven. no. she's not.

stop looking at me with those sad, sorry, pitying eyes of yours. stop feeling sorry for me.

but i can't help but to think that maybe if i just forgive her, everything would go back to normal. everything would be erased forever. but it wouldn't. she would be cast out alone with me. she would be bullied as well.

i don't want that.

"no," i muttered. i'm sorry jiae. i turned around, heading out of the alley way "i don't forgive you,"

so i left, leaving a weeping jiae in my wake.

and as i left, tears started to cascade my face, the ugly sobs being chocked down to not give away the fact i was drowning.