Only Love -CMBYN-

Chapter 4

Oliver

I stepped out of Elio's room, closing the door behind me. I take a deep breath and let it out, trying to process what had happened in the last couple of hours. 

Eventually I managed to somehow calm down before walking downstairs to my family. Jenny is sat on the sofa, braiding a few locks of Ellie's hair. Ellie is sat in her lap, looking through a picture book. I take a seat on the other couch, needing some space.

"So what did you think of him?" I ask her. She turns to face me with a kind smile. 

"He seems kind of sweet, very shy though."

I scoff. Although she was telling the truth, the old Elio was anything but shy. He was one of the most bold people I had ever met, always speaking his mind and never leaving anything unspoken.

"He'll come out of his shell eventually, plus he's quite tired from the journey." I reply. There's a silence between us that I'm thankful for. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he was actually here. 

Elio.

I need to stop thinking about him, I don't think of him that way anymore. I can't. I shouldn't.

It was a summer fling which he probably doesn't remember at all. If he did, why would he come here? 

Why did I let Jenny persuade me to let him come here? It's quite possibly the second worst choice besides letting what happened between Elio and I, happen.

I feel bad for thinking it, but it was. I ended up hurting the both of us. It was an experiment gone wrong. 

Jenny pulls me out of my thoughts by asking me a question. "Is Elio going to be eating with us or should I just order pizza?" She asked. 

"I think he's sleeping, so just pizza is fine." I reply.

"I'll go order." She says bluntly before standing up. Ellie crawls over, curling up in my lap and sucking her thumb. 

No matter how much Jenny and I tried to hide it, this relationship was falling apart and I think Ellie was catching on.

We've still decided to stay together, for her. Well, her, our families and our friends. So everyone but us. 

Where Elio is sleeping is where I usually secretly sleep, but for now I have to sleep in our shared room again, even though it's difficult. I'm sick of pretending and acting through this whole play.

Jenny doesn't know what happened between Elio and I. If she did, I feel like it would be the last straw of our marriage, and although I don't want to be with her anymore, I can't do that to Ellie.

She leaves the room to go ring for our food. Ellie stays quiet, unlike her usual chatty self. "Daddy?" She asks before continuing. "Are you and mommy leaving each other?" 

I choke for a moment before deciding to laugh it off. "Of course not, that's not going to happen. Your mommy and I love each other very much." She pauses for a moment, wanting to ask more, but deciding against it. Instead, she smiled at my lies, clearly feeling happier. She nods and returns to resting her head against my chest and hugging me tightly.

The truth is, I don't really know what happened between Jenny and I. When Ellie turned two, she became suddenly distant and didn't really want to share how she felt with me anymore. I tried to keep us together but soon I realized. I realized I didn't love her anymore and I stopped trying. That's when the constant arguments and bickering started.

That's when we decided we should 'Separate'. Only we didn't really separate, we just don't really act like husband and wife anymore. It's sad, but it's for the best. 

Soon the pizza arrives and we eat. I decide to leave a few slices for Elio in case he's hungry, not that I expect he'll be awake anytime soon.

I decide to put Ellie to bed when she somehow falls asleep on my lap in the strangest position ever. Plus I was fed up with the uncomfortable silence between Jenny and I. It was always like this and I can't help feeling lonely. 

Jenny has her own group of friends who she sees all the time, whereas my only friends are Ellie and my colleagues at work. 

I carry her up the stairs and tuck her in before kissing her on the forehead. I turn her night light on before exiting the room.

It was going to be strange sleeping in the same room as my wife for the first time in a long time, I can already tell it's going to be awkward for the both of us. I hop in the shower quickly before bed, finally having a moment to myself to think.

Today has been a lot more different than I had anticipated. I never expected to feel the way I do while seeing him again. I really need to snap out of it, as soon as possible. That small dig he made at me in the car makes me think he's angry, but he won't say it out loud. Elio is so hard to read when he doesn't explicitly say what he's thinking.

Maybe the best thing I can do is pretend everything is fine between Jenny and I. After all, I don't feel that way anymore. Sure, it'll be hard for me to see a friend angry with my actions, but what can I do? I can't bring it up because it'll dig up things from the past. I don't feel that way anymore, but neither does Elio.

I step out of the shower, my head was pounding with 15,000 different thoughts. It's all too much to deal with right now. I need to smoke.

After the shower, I get changed and I look through my office for my emergency secret stash of cigarettes. I lock the office door and climb onto the balcony, before lighting one up. I hadn't smoked for a while now. not since Jenny and I separated. Stressful times call for desperate measures. Inhaling the nicotine from the cigarette somehow calmed me down but not as much as I would've liked.

I quickly finish it up and brush my teeth, hoping Jenny can't smell the tobacco. She always hated cigarettes, I don't want another reason for an argument. Now she seems to look for some type of fight, relating to anything.

The air mattress is already blown up and  covered in sheets. Not the most comfortable sleeping arrangement, but better than nothing.

I quickly curl up and close my eyes before Jenny comes in. She enters a few minutes later, not saying anything. She climbs into bed after turning the lamp off, not even saying goodnight.

After an hour of tossing and turning and thinking, I finally drift off into a restless sleep, faintly dreaming of Italy.

------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys! I genuinely expected this to be a shorter chapter but it ended up being a longer one! Thank you for nearly 70 reads, please comment and vote if you enjoy it, it really helps motivate me. Bye!

(The playlist is now up guys.)