Only Love -CMBYN-

Chapter 9

Oliver 

One week later

It's been two weeks since Elio arrived here. There's one more person in my home, yet I feel more alone and isolated than ever. Jenny and I have been arguing non-stop when Elio and Ellie aren't around. Elio and I haven't spoken a word to each other since the huge argument.

I felt as if the people around me were strangers, as if I had lost everyone. If only I wasn't a coward. If only I had been a coward, and never let what happened between Elio and I happen. Either way, I'm stuck in the middle of two versions of myself, blaming one another. Too scared to admit how I feel, not scared enough to ignore my feelings in the first place.

It was almost torture, I couldn't imagine what it's like for Elio.

Elio had been going out a lot more, which was good in some ways, not so much in others. At least now I didn't have to see his face as a constant reminder of who  I've hurt, but on the other hand, Jenny and I would be in a constant disagreement. It was hell.

I mostly moped around in my office, or took Ellie out to different places. I would come home and just hope that both of them were out.

Today, everyone was out. Elio was with his new friends that he had made through his roommate, Jenny was at work, and Ellie was at school. I had to pick her up in a couple of hours, it was the only thing I looked forward to anymore.

I was lucky to be able to work from home, I only have to visit the University on a rare occasion. I hadn't done any work yet today, mostly so I could have an excuse later, when everyone was back.

It was early afternoon and I sat, reading one of my favorite books with a cup of coffee. Everything was quiet and thoughts in my head ticked through, never stopping for a moment. It was distracting to no end and all I wanted to do was shut them off. Finally I switched the radio on, hoping that it would somehow help.

I sat back down, but not with the book. I pulled my knees to my chest and hid my face, focusing on the music only. I didn't want to go on like this anymore. I couldn't go on like this anymore. But what could I do?

If I talk to Elio, it hurts. If I don't, it hurts. I can't leave Jenny, not yet, anyways. It would be awful to explain to Ellie and my parents. 

I hear the phone ringing from the kitchen, I slowly rise to answer it. It's Jenny.

"Oliver, Did you remember to pay the bills yesterday?" Not even a hello.

"You said you were going to, last week." I reply, already knowing where this was going.

"I assumed you would have, since you always do." She said, her voice was already tight.

"Yes, but we always have this argument, and you said you would this time." I sigh.

"Fine, I'll pay them on the way home. Next time you can." She hung up. Thank God she was at work, otherwise that would've been a massive blow up.

I put the phone back, turning to the living room, when I saw Elio at the door. He looked at me, obviously quite confused. He must have heard the phone call. Even though it wasn't even a fight, Jenny and I have never once been hostile to each other around Elio.

I walk straight past him, back to the living room. Elio stands there for a moment before following me. He sits on the other sofa and I stubbornly keep my mouth shut. Tension radiates between us, the atmosphere makes it almost impossible to breathe. I wait to see who will speak first. I want to break the silence, but how? 

He inhales as if he wants to speak, but decides not to. I try to figure out the words I want to say, but they just all make incomprehensible sentences. 

"What's going on between you and Jenny?" Elio asks softly, not looking at me.

Finally, words that aren't just simple niceties that mean nothing. Words that say, he actually cares.

"It's a long story, but in short, we're not really together anymore."

"You've split up?" He asks, an unreadable emotion washed over his face. 

"We aren't divorced, but yeah. We're trying to wait a little while because of Ellie."

"How long?" Elio looks at me, trying to understand what's going on.

"A while, maybe a year?" I reply and sigh. I sit back into the sofa and try to not freak out. "It's normally really bad arguments, but we've tried to not do anything with you and Ellie around."

Elio bites his lip anxiously and looks at the ground once again. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

I try to thing of a reason that doesn't sound stupid, but realise all of them do. "I don't know." A minute of silence passes. "Elio, I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to put up with this anymore."

"You need to think about yourself, Oliver. If you continue like this, you'll have some sort of breakdown."

"I swear that's what's already going on."

"Come with me." Elio says simply.

"What?" I ask, and look at him, confusion etched on my face.

"Come with me to Italy when I leave. Just for a small while, until you figure out what you want to do." 

What does he mean? I can't just leave Ellie and Jenny. Oh.

So I can get away from her. to have my own time to think. But what about Ellie?

"What about Ellie?" I ask, repeating my thoughts. 

"Bring her with you, if Jenny lets you. Or, have time to yourself."

Maybe that could work. I mean, when we get divorced, Ellie will have to get used to only being around one of us at a time.

Who am I kidding? None of this would work out well. Especially with the suppressed feelings I have for Elio. 

"I can't."

"Why? It would be great for you Oliver." Elio says, trying to persuade me.

"It wouldn't. I don't think it would work." I say, not wanting to explain my reasoning. "Thank you for trying, Elio. I just need to figure this out on my own. It is my marriage after all." I say and instantly regret it when a flash of hurt crosses his face.

"Fine, suit yourself. I won't bother helping next time." He spits out, and stands up before storming out. 

His bedroom door slams shut and I sigh. Once again, I've set off his short temper. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut from now on, since no one seems to be able to stand me anymore.

Finally, after sitting alone for a while and listening to cheesy 80's love songs on the radio, I decide to go pick up Ellie before I pass the verge of a mental breakdown. I pour the  cold coffee down the drain, put on my shoes and leave.

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