Don't look back

Nineteen

"Morning!" Mary giggled into Rick's ear the next day, and Rick slowly opened his eyes.
"Hello." He groaned, smiling slightly.
"I can wake you up. Because your watch is past five."
Rick rubbed his eyes, and lifted his wrist up. "Ah, everyone gets up in five. You've slept in an hour later than normal." Rick teased.
Mary smiled back, and laid down next to Rick. "Can we get a puppy?"
"What?" Rick laughed sleepily.
"A puppy." Mary repeated.
"Okay. Mary, not right now. Okay? Maybe... Maybe in a few years."
"I had a dog once. A long time ago. It died."
"I'm sorry about that." Rick nodded slowly.
"Can we got a chicken?"
"I'm sure Maggie won't mind you sharing the chickens with her." Rick smiled gently.
"Does that mean we're staying? Forever?" Mary asked excitedly, her eyes glowing in happiness.
"I hope so. We are for now."
"I'm happy about that."
"Good. I'm glad you are."
"Daddy, look!" Mary breathed, rolling onto her back, looking at a tiny ladybug on the inside of the tent.
"Hey. It's a ladybird." Rick grinned. "Wait, you're not scared of them, are ya?"
"No. And it's a ladybug." Mary giggled.
"Sorry. Ladybug."
"John called me that. Ladybug. And Bug."
"Yeah? How come?" Rick smiled softly.
"He just did. I dunno."
"Do you... Do you want me to call you that?" Rick asked slowly, almost feeling awkward.
"No." Mary said quickly.
Rick nodded. "I understand. I just wanted to know. If you wanted me to."
"That's okay. It was mine and his thing." Mary whispered. Then she said, even quieter, "I can't remember his face. Sometimes I forget everything."
"It's okay. That's okay."
"There's some things I don't know. It makes me sad, just sometimes." Mary admitted.
"What can I do? To make you not sad?" Rick asked gently.
"Just never go."
"Okay. I won't. Now, go get dressed. Everyone's getting up now."
Mary nodded, and pulled on her clean dungarees and shirt, then Shane's cap. Gently, Rick took off the hat, and brushed her hair, then put it in a messy plait. Mary smiled at him.
"You're getting better at it."
"Practice makes perfect." Rick teased back.
Mary nodded, and grabbed her bandana from the side, and wrapped it around her wrist, letting Rick tie it. Then she pulled on her boots, and woke everyone up.

"So what you gonna do?" Lori asked Rick as she made breakfast, "I think we'd all feel better if we knew the plan."
"Is there a plan?" Andrea enquired.
"We're gonna keep him here?" Glenn said unsurely.
"We'll know soon enough." Rick replied.
Daryl walked over, his knuckles blood stained. "Your boy there's got a gang. Thirty men. They got heavy artillery, and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women... They're gonna, they're gonna wish they were."
"What did you do?" Carol asked in concern.
"We had a little chat." Daryl said nonchalantly.
"No one goes near this guy." Rick ordered.
"Rick, what are you gonna do?" Lori whispered slowly.
"We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat." Rick said, monotonous.
"You're just gonna kill him?" Dale asked shakily.
"It's settled. We'll do it today." Rick nodded, looking stressed, and Dale followed him.
"What's he doing today?" Mary asked innocently.
"Nothing." Lori shook off.
"Is it about Randall?"
"Yeah. Eat your eggs." Lori ordered, passing Mary her plate. Mary nodded, and ate her breakfast, a trace of a smile on her face as she did so over her love of eggs. After she was done, she walked to the barn with Carl, ignoring that Shane was there too.
"So he's a kid?" Carl asked.
"He ain't a kid. It's just... That was a figure of speech." Shane sighed.
"Can I see him?"
"No. Look, man, this is this is grown up stuff, alright? Just just let us handle this. Go play, both of you." Shane snapped, before walking away.
Carl walked to come side, to the back of the barn. "Let's see him. Randall."
"Carl, Shane said no. Let's not make him mad. Please." Mary begged.
"Mary, it'll be fine. Just follow me, and don't say anything. I just want to see if he's a threat."
"Carl." Mary attempted, but it was too late: he was climbing up the barn, and waiting for her. "We'll get in trouble."
"Shh." He hissed, pulling her into the barn loft. Then they sat on a wooden beam, looking down at Randall. It was a few minutes until he noticed them sat there, but when he did, he span around and looked at them in surprise.
"Hey." Randall said slowly. Then he smiled. "That's a sweet hat. I'm Randall. What's your names?" He asked.
The two children just looked at him, both of them a strange and creepy sight, sat there, hand in hand, staring at him, unblinking, silent. "The sheriff guy, that's your dad? I like him. Yeah he's a good guy. I can tell. You two brother and sister, I guess? Your mamma out here too?" He asked.
Mary turned to Carl slowly, and whispered in his ear, "He's a good guy. He likes daddy." But Carl just glared at her.
"You're... You're lucky you've still got your family. I lost mine. Hey I, I don't know what people have been saying about me, but I didn't do nothing, I swear. Your dad was going to let me go, till his friend started fighting with him."
Carl began to climb down the beams of the barn, down to Randall, still not speaking. Mary had no choice but to follow him.
"It got pretty bad. I-I-I was kinda worried. My camp, we got lots of supplies. You help me, I'll take you two and your folks back to my people. We'll take good care of you, keep you safe." Randall promised.
"Daddy keeps us safe." Mary whispered, as they walked over to him. "Look, you just gotta... Just gotta help me get outta here okay? Just just help me pick these locks, or, or find the key, okay? Come on. Please. Please!" Randall begged.
But he was too loud, and Shane burst into the barn. "What the hell you doing here! What'd you say to him! Man, what did you say, man!" Shane screamed, going over to Randall. Mary began to cry, grabbing onto Carl. Andrea came in, and she put a hand on Carl's shoulder, pushing them slightly behind her.
"I didn't say anything!" Randall assured quickly.
Then Shane held a gun his face. "I will shoot you where you stand." Shane growled.
"Shane, not now." Andrea hissed, getting her gun out, as Mary wailed, petrified. Carl was shocked to silence.
"Open your mouth, huh, open your mouth!" Shane taunted.
"Shane!" Andrea shouted.
"He's a nice boy!" Mary sobbed.
"Open it like you're talking. You like talking, man! You like talking?" Shane yelled, pressing the gun against Randall's lips.
"Shane, back off." Andrea screamed, her gun pointed at him.
Shane span around, and growled, "Get your ass outta this door! Let's go." He grabbed Mary's skinny arm in one hand, Carl's wrist in the other, dragging them out, then pushing them both onto the grass. "What the hell you two doing?!" He screamed, Mary sobbing hysterically.
"Please, don't tell my parents!" Carl begged, getting up.
"Carl, that ain't cool man. You coulda gotten hurt in there." Shane sighed, calming down.
"I can handle myself." Carl insisted, helping Mary up, and picking her up with a little difficulty, as she sobbed.
"Can you handle her? Did you make her do that? Lemme tell you something. You do not go near him again. Neither of you! Do you hear me? Damn it!"
"You won't tell our parents, will you?" Carl repeated shakily.
"Carl, man," Shane sighed, "it's not about getting in trouble. Okay? A guy like that, he will say anything to you. He'll, he'll try to make you feel sorry for him. He'll try to make you let your guard down. You let your guard down out here people die. What if... If he had something sharp. Let your guard down, then stabbed your little sister. Now, just do me a favour, man. Go find your mom. Go on." Shane ordered.
Carl walked away, still holding Mary as she sobbed. "Carl?" Shane shouted. Carl span around, stopping in his tracks. "Quit trying to get yourself killed, man."
Carl nodded, put Mary down, and they ran to the tents, hand in hand.
"Carl? Mary, what's wrong?" Lori asked quickly, seeing Mary's tears.
Carl stopped dead in his tracks. "We were playing," he lied slowly, "and she fell. She's hurt herself."
It wasn't fully a lie, Mary decided. She had fallen - or been pushed over - and had grazed and cut her knee.
"Come here, you. You always have cuts and grazes on those knees of yours, don't 'ya." Lori teased. Mary smiled back softly, and nodded. Lori sat her on the bonnet of their car, and cleaned her knee with a warm cloth. The Lori put a player over the cut, and gave Mary a drink, which she gulped down.
Lori smiled at her softly, then Mary got up. "I'm gonna play with Carl." She smiled, then the two of them walked away.
"He's mean." Mary whispered.
"Who," Carl asked, "Randall?"
"Shane."
"Shane's amazing. He saved me and my mom." Carl said, as if he was reciting what he had been told to.
"He's scary." Mary muttered under her breath. She sat, picking flowers, as Carl kicked at the floor.
"What are they?"
"Bullet cases." Carl mumbled.
"From when Shane killed the barn Walkers?" Mary asked quietly.
"Yeah. He did what he needed to." Carl said firmly.
"Baby, where's your daddy?" Lori asked walking over to Carl.
"He's up there." Carl sighed, pointing up to the barn.
"Alright." Lori smiled gently, going over to the barn.
"What's he doing?" Mary enquired.
"He's... Doing grown up stuff. Regarding Randall." Carl replied, trying to sound grown up.
"Can we go? I don't like this place." Mary sighed. "And I want to take these flowers to Sophia. She likes flowers."
"Fine. And she liked them. Past tense." Carl sighed. He picked up some bullet casings, and walked over to the graves, Mary following him, holding the flowers tightly.
When they got there, Mary sat down, cross legged, and put the flowers above where Sophia's head was. Carl sat next to her, and rolled the bullet casings around in his hand, counting them.
"You know," Carol said softly, coming up behind them, "we'll see Sophia again in Heaven some day."
Mary nodded slowly, but Carl just ignored the woman. "She's in a better place." Carol assured.
"No she's not! Heaven is just another lie. And if you believe it, you're an idiot!" Carl snapped, getting up and storming away, Mary following him.
"Maybe Heaven is real." Mary whispered.
"It's not." Carl hissed.
"It might be. Where else do dead people go?" Mary whined.
"Nowhere." Carl growled.
"Carl, come over here!" Rick shouted. Carl turned to him, and Rick walked over. "Did you talk back to Carol?"
"No." Carl defended. Mary looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
"She says you did. You can't talk back to people like that!" Rick sighed, impatient and stressed.
"I said it's stupid to believe in Heaven, because it is!" Carl snapped.
"Well, just think about that for a minute. She just lost her daughter. She wants to believe she's still alive in some way."
"But she..."
"Don't... Don't talk. Think. It's a good rule of thumb for life." Rick cut off.
"Mum always wants you to talk more."
"Don't change the subject. You owe Carol an apology. You made a mistake. Fix it." Rick said harshly, then he picked Mary up, and walked away.
"Is that why you're gonna kill that guy Fixing your mistake?" Carl asked.
Rick stopped in his tracks, and walked back over to him.
"That's different." Rick sighed.
"Ho-how are you gonna do it? Uh, are you gonna hang him in the barn?"
"You just think about how you're gonna make things right with Carol. Don't talk. Think. Got it?" Rick ordered, not wanting to talk about it.
"Yeah." Carl sighed.
Rick walked away to the tents, and Mary looked at him.
"What happens to dead people? If Heaven isn't real?" Mary asked him quietly.
"I don't know." Rick replied.
"But my other mommy and dad. What happened to them?"
"I'm not sure. But they're... They're in a better place."
Mary nodded, and smiled softly. "They're happy now?"
"Yeah."
"Do they miss me?"
"I bet they do, a little. But they would want you be happy as well. And live a long life, and be safe." Rick said softly.
"I bet they're looking after Sophia."
"Yeah. Me too." Rick smiled, kissing her forehead. "Now, I've got grown up stuff to go. Can you play with Glenn while do it?"
"Yep!" Mary smiled. She walked up to the house and found Glenn reading in the living room.
"Can you play?" She asked quietly, and he nodded with a smile.
"I always have time to play." He laughed, getting up.
"What shall we play?"
"Hide and seek." Mary giggled, running away to hide. They played for a while, until Mary went and hid under Beth's bed, giggling so much that everyone knew she was there.
"Found ya." Glenn smiled. Then he looked at Beth laid quietly in her bed, and Hershel sat beside her, smiling. "How is she?" Glenn asked softly, his smile dropping out of respect.
"She seems to be in a good spirits today, aren't you doodlebug?" Hershel smiled, kissing her forehead. Mary rolled out from under the bed, and walked over to Glenn, holding his hand
"Well, let me know if I can do anything." Glenn nodded, leaving, Hershel following.
"Where's your family from?" Hershel asked Glenn.
Glenn seemed taken back, then sighed. "Michigan. But I'm before that, Korea."
"Immigrants built this country. Never forget that." Hershel nodded firmly. "Our family came from Ireland."
"Maggie Greene. I kinda figured." Glenn laughed softly.
Hershel pulled out a pocket watch, and looked at it thoughtfully. "My grandfather brought this over from the old country. He passed it onto my father, who passed it on to me. I pawned it to pay for a night of drinking I no longer remember."
Hershel and Glenn laughed softly, then Glenn smiled gently. "You bought it back though."
"My late wife did. Josephine, Maggie's mother. She gave it back years later when I sobered up. She was a good woman, my Jo. Maggie's a lot like her. When we were in that bar, and afterwards, I thought about a lot of things. If you become a father someday, you'll understand. No man is good enough for your little girl, until one is." Hershel smiled gently. Then he passed Glenn the watch. "Go on now, before I change my mind about you."
"Thanks." Glenn smiled, taking the watch.
"Glenny is a good man. He's my best friend." Mary smiled proudly.
"He is." Hershel nodded in approval.
"He loves Maggie. And I do."
"Me too. I guess between the three of us, she'll be okay."
"Good." Mary grinned. "Let's play tig."

"Come on now. Almost bed time." Ruck whispered to Mary as he stood on the porch, holding her.
Lori came out of the house, and walked over to him. "It's almost time. I know this isn't easy for you."
"It isn't easy for anyone , but I thought it through. I made the call. I'm ready to do this." Rick nodded firmly.
"Do what?" Mary asked, but she was ignored.
"You don't have to be the one to do it. Shane or Daryl could."
"It it has to be me. I brought him back here. Maybe I shouldn't have. I gotta keep these people safe. That is what I am gonna do."
"What about Dale?" Lori asked.
"He's got an uphill battle." Rick sighed. "You said you support me."
"I do."
Rick nodded. "But you didn't say you think I'm making the right call. This is the right call."
Lori nodded back. "I'm gonna go inside."
"Okay. I'll see you soon." Rick nodded, sitting down.
"What's happening?" Mary asked. Then her eyes widened. "Are you gonna kill Randall?"
"Yes," Rick nodded, "we probably are."
"Why? He likes you. He seems nice."
"Because... Listen. This is hard to understand. Very hard to understand. But sometimes, people will try to hurt you. And I have to look out for everyone. I'm a leader. Sometimes, as a leader, you have to do things. Like kill people. You sometimes have to kill people, so you can survive."
"Bad people?"
"Yeah. If it's between a bad person, and someone who you love, you can't take the risk. Okay? You have to kill, sometimes. To protect who you love."
"Will I have to?"
"I hope not." Rick sighed.
"What if I do?" Mary whispered.
"Okay," Rick nodded, standing up, Mary in front of him, "if someone tries to hurt you, and you don't have a knife, a gun, you hit or kick them. Here," Rick motioned to his gut, "or here." He pointed to his neck. "Then, as they fall, you hit them, behind their knees. Kick them in the ribs, here, then run like hell."
Mary nodded slowly. "Okay."
"Where? Tell me. So you remember."
"Tummy or neck. Knees. Kick ribs." Mary recited.
"Remember that. Always. Okay?"
"Okay." Mary nodded.
"Then run. Run and hide."
"I will. I promise." Mary nodded solemnly.
"Alright. Let's gather up." Rick nodded, as Lori came out of the house.
Carl walked over, and Lori held out her hand. "Come on Carl. I want you to stay with Jimmy." Lori ordered.
"But I, I wanna listen." Carl protested.
"No. Not this time. Come on." Lori replied firmly, all of them going inside. Carl stayed stood there, stood in front of everyone, and everyone started at him in silence, before he stormed off to be with Jimmy as ordered.
"You too." Rick nodded to Mary, putting her down. Mary nodded, and followed Carl. They sat in Jimmy's room, Carl making paper aeroplanes and throwing them at the wall. Mary draw pictures in a blunt pencil, humming under her breath.
Later, once everyone was done talking, Mary was sat around the fire, eating dinner, while Rick, Shane, and Daryl went to see Randall, as he told Mary. She sat in between Glenn and Maggie, as Lori helped to make food.
After a while, Rick, Shane, and Daryl came back, with Carl.
"We're keeping him in custody for now." Rick explained, looking shaken.
"I'm gonna find Dale." Andrea grinned.
"Carl, go inside. Now please." Lori said to Carl, and he walked into the tent.
Mary looked at Rick, and he smiled gently, then his face fell as he spoke to Lori.
"Just let them talk everything out," Glenn said gently to Mary, "it'll be alright. They just need to have a grown up talk, sometimes..." Glenn carried on, but was cut off by screaming.
"Get Carl and Mary!" Rick said quickly.
"Baby! Come here!" Lori shouted to Carl, seeing that Mary was with Glenn and Maggie.
"What happened?" Carl asked, running out.
"Dog, get a shot gun now!" Rick shouted.
"Maggie, will you take them to the house?" Lori asked, and Maggie nodded, picking Mary up. Then she turned to Carl, "Okay. I want you to follow Maggie, lock the door, and I want you to stay inside. Inside. Stay with Mary."
"Go, Carl!" Rick shouted, "Mary, don't leave his sight!"
Maggie nodded, grabbed Carl's hand, and they ran up to the house. Carl locked the door as Lori had instructed, and sat in the living room, alongside Hershel, Patricia, Mary, and Maggie. Half an hour later, maybe less, Glenn walked in, tearful.
"Glenn? What's wrong?" Maggie asked fearfully, Mary still in her arms.
"Dale." Glenn whispered. Then he began to cry. "Maggie, Dale's dead."