Don't look back

Twenty three

It was three weeks before Carl spoke to Rick again, and even then it was to alert him about how hungry everyone was. Carl was angry. Angry at the world, at his father for killing Shane, at everything.
Mary, on the other hand, understood, or claimed to. Shane was a bad man. Killing him saved everyone else. To her, it was simple.
"Let's try this house." Rick said firmly, walking up to a large family home. Mary found herself hoping it was empty, more than anything she had ever wanted before. They hadn't slept in a home for so long. Rick, Daryl, T-Dog, and Glenn went in first, to remove any Walkers. There was only one, and Mary found herself smiling at the fact.
They went in, and immediately everyone began to scavenge for food, finding a few cans. Carol and Lori began to put together food, while Carl and Mary wandered upstairs.
"Both of you, see if you can get warmer clothes!" Rick shouted, and Mary nodded - she was cold all the time; it was a surprise she wasn't sick.
The pair went into a room and Carl smiled softly to Mary. "You've hit the jackpot, Mary." It was a little girl's room. Mary looked at her photos on the wall, and decided she was older, maybe six.
Mary grabbed a flowered backpack, and Carl helped her fill it with a few pairs of underwear, socks, a long sleeved shirt, and two pairs of thick woollen tights.
"I'm gonna check out the other rooms. Put the warm clothes on." Carl ordered, before leaving. Mary got undressed, and put on some clean underwear, a pair of leggings which were far too long on the leg and waist, two pairs of socks, a long sleeved thermal top, a short sleeved shirt, then her dungarees. As an after thought, she grabbed a hoodie too, and then she went downstairs to everyone else.
"Warmer?" Lori asked with a slight smile, and Mary nodded. Even though her sleeves were rolled up, and the long socks reached her knees, she was warm. "Where's Carl, baby?"
"Upstairs." Mary mumbled.
"Alright. Here." Lori smiled softly. She had somehow made three cans of tuna go around eleven people, plus a few stale Pringles, all on eleven plates they had found in the kitchen.
Mary ate it quickly, as did everyone else, then gulped down some water that Rick had collected from a river and boiled outside.
"I'm gonna cook this pasta we found. For tomorrow. And make everyone some coffee." Carol smiled softly to Lori, before leaving.
"We've hit the jackpot here," Glenn smiled to Mary, coming over and sitting by her, as did Maggie, "new clothes for you, tuna, Pringles, coffee, pasta! Wow."
"I wished it." Mary nodded seriously.
"Hey Carl! Come eat!" Lori shouted, getting a glare from T-Dog for shouting. Slowly, Carl walked down the stairs.
"Not much else. Three bedrooms in total. Some adult clothes. Some baby clothes." Carl explained, and Lori nodded slowly.
"Shall we get some things? For the baby, when it's born?" Beth asked Lori gently.
"No." Lori said sharply, and everyone stared at her. "Not yet. I could still loose it. Don't jinx it."
"Loose it? It's not born, it can't get lost." Mary laughed slightly.
"Shut up." Carl sighed, glaring at her.
"Don't. She doesn't understand." Lori snapped at Carl, and he walked away with his food. Daryl and T-Dog began to move some furniture over the door, and they shut the curtains.
"Alright," Rick said coming into the room, "I think we should stay here the night. Sleep up. Go tomorrow."
"We could stay here." Beth whispered.
"No. Not in a neighbourhood. Too many Walkers. You don't see 'em now, but there is." Rick replied harshly.
"But daddy, there's real beds here." Mary began.
"No. It's not safe enough." Rick snapped, and Mary nodded slowly.
"I'll take first watch." Daryl nodded.
"Alright. How many bedrooms?" Rick asked.
"Three." Lori replied. "But one is a baby room, one for a kid, one adult."
"Alright. So us four'll take the kid's room, Hershel, Beth, Maggie, Glenn, you take the other. T-Dog, Carol, Daryl, you take the couches. Yeah? So the kids and Hershel can have a bed."
"Yeah." T-Dog nodded.
"Okay. Daryl, me, T-Dog. Watch order." Rick decided, then he went upstairs, Mary following him. Mary took off her dungarees and boots, then crawled into the bed, as did Carl. Rick sat in the chair next to the bed, and held Mary's hand till they fell asleep, Lori laid on blankets on the floor.

They ate a breakfast of pasta the next day, along side coffee - even Mary.
"We've eaten all the food. Let's go." Rick sighed.
"One night more." Mary begged.
"We'll find somewhere better." Rick assured.
"You always say that." Carl muttered.
"Hey! We're gonna find a place! I know it. I know it! You gotta... You gotta trust me!"
"Yer dad's right. No food left, no point in stayin'. Better to go on." Daryl shrugged. Carl glared at him, and stood up, then pulled on his coat and stood by the door.
"We goin' then?" He snapped cockily.
Mary up, and pulled on her coat - a green bomber jacket they found a few days ago. It had a name tag inside. It belonged to a boy, probably her age, called Jason. She didn't want to think about where Jason was now.
"Alright. Let's roll out." Rick nodded. Mary grabbed her backpack and pulled it on, then they piled into the cars, Mary, Carl, Rick, T-Dog, and Lori in one, and Hershel, Glenn, Beth, and Maggie in the other, Daryl on his motorcycle with Carol.
"We could've stayed there." Carl said suddenly as Rick drove.
"No. No we couldn't have." Rick snapped.
"Why not? You say there's Walkers in neighbourhoods, but there was none in that one! It was safe."
"No! We need somewhere isolated." Rick insisted.
"Why! We could have stayed there! We could have been happy there. They had a, a baby! Formula, clothes, a cot, diapers! The baby could have been born there." Carl protested, and Rick sighed angrily.
"Leave it." Lori whispered to her son, but he didn't listen.
"It was safe." Carl carried on.
"Okay. Yeah, it was safe for a night. But there was no food left. It was too small for all of us. So for how long? How long would we have stayed there? We'd have had to go out to scavenge anyway."
Carl just rolled his eyes, and looked out of the window. They drove until midday, and they did so in silence.
Then the day before repeated itself again.
And again.
And again.

"We're gonna stay here the night." Rick decided after they cleared a house, a week later.
"Daddy," Mary whispered, tugging at his sleeve, "Daddy, there's a swing!"
Rick looked out of the window, and saw the swing in the garden. "There sure is." Rick chuckled.
"Can I go play? Please? I know it's no kid stuff but... Grown ups can play on swings too, right?"
"Hey. You are a kid. Okay? Glenn, will you take her? I'm gonna sort out the sleeping situation."
"Sure. Of course." Glenn smiled. Rick left after kissing Mary's forehead, and Mary's heart sank. She had been hoping he would play with her. "Alright. You go play, and... Can you swing by yourself?" Glenn asked.
"Yeah." Mary whispered, her spirit dropping slowly; even Glenn was too busy to play.
"Okay. So, there's a fence, so you go play, and I'll watch from here. Okay? If you see a Walker in the distance, run to us, okay?" Glenn said, and Mary nodded, then ran out to play on the swing.
Mary sat there, on the wooden swing, kicking her legs to make herself go higher.
"Swing swing swing," Mary sang softly to herself, "high in the sky."

"Look, push your legs like this," John smiled to Mary, "that's it! That's how you do it!"
"Like this?" Mary asked with a smile.
"Yeah! You're great, Mary Moo. You're doing it great!"
"Swing, swing, high in the sky. Swing, swing like a butterfly!" Mary giggled, making up the rhyme.
"Not a butterfly, Bug, Like a ladybug." John teased.
Mart poked her tongue out at him, then her face fell. "Do you go again tomorrow?"
"Yeah. You know I have to. It's school, Bug. I gotta go."
"No." Mary mumbled, stopping on the swing.
"Ladybug. Come on. You're here with mommy and dad and Adam. You'll be fine." He smiled gently. Then his smile fell. "Mary, is daddy going... Out a lot? Drinking?"
The small child knew too much when it came to that. And she nodded slowly.
"I'll talk to Adam. Okay?" John sighed, and Mary nodded again. "You carry on swinging. I'll watch from the window."
Mary carried on swinging on her own.

Slowly, Mary stopped the swing. Then she hopped off, and looked to her right. To where Glenn should have been.
But he had gone.
And a Walker was there, stood by her, only inches away, snarling at her. "No. Go away." Mary whispered. "Go." She cried suddenly. Then she ran to her left, away from the house, away from the Walker. She ran under the fence, into the woods surrounding the houses, and carried on running, hearing a few other Walkers in the distance.
Mary ran for as long as she could, then she hid in a ditch, panting and sobbing.
"Daddy!" She shouted, putting her head out of the ditch. Her daddy wasn't their. There wasn't even any Walkers there. She was alone and lost in the woods.