Don't look back

Fifty three

The morning of Mary's fifth birthday (or what they thought was her fifth birthday) she woke up at half past five in the morning, as usual, screaming from a nightmare, in a wet bad. Rick was in her room in an instant, and picked her up tightly.
"It's okay. It's okay. Did you have a nightmare?"
"Yeah." She sobbed, clinging onto his bare shoulders, her tiny fingernails pinching his skin.
"It's okay. It wasn't real. You're safe. It's okay." Rick soothed.
"It is real. It's mommy. She died. And Carl died and you died."
"Hey, hey," Rick whispered gently, "I'm not going anywhere. And neither is Carl, or you. Okay?"
"Okay." Mary nodded tearfully, and Rick kissed the top of her head.
"Okay. Do you wanna stay up or go back to sleep?"
"Up."
"Okay baby. Well, not baby anymore." Rick teased slightly.
"I'm five today!" Mary giggled, remembering suddenly.
"Yep! I've got a very big girl."
"Yep." Mary giggled. "Can we wake Carl up?"
"I'm surprised he's still asleep," Ruck laughed, "but no. Let him get a good sleep. Why don't you go have a shower, yeah? Let's go, and then you can put on your dress and then we'll go to the horse and pigs."
Mary nodded, and ran to the showers while Rick followed her with her clothes, towel, and body wash.
"Don't get your hair wet," Rick called, "it takes too long to dry."
"Okay!" Mary replied, showering under the cold water. When she was done, she got dry and put on a sweet yellow dress that Maggie had found on a run. "I look like a princess." She grinned.
"You do." Rick laughed, kissing her forehead.
"So, now I'm a big girl, can I go ride Nemo all by myself?"
"Maybe we'll ask Beth to help." Rick nodded, ruffling her hair, messy from sleeping on it all night. They walked outside, and while Rick fed the chickens, Mary held horse feed in a bucket up to Nemo's mouth.
Glenn walked over to Rick, his eyes tired and groggy, then began to smile. "That horse has the patience of a saint." Glenn laughed to Rick, as Mary tickled Nemo's ears and nose as he ate.
"Yeah," Rick chuckled, "definitely got lucky in the homeless horse department."
"She's so grown up. She's just grown up so much in the past year. Not even a whole year." Glenn smiled sadly.
"She's been through so much. She deserves so much better."
"She's got the best family ever." Glenn replied nonchalantly.
"Glenny!" Mary screamed as soon as she saw him. She ran over, and Glenn picked her up and threw her into the air, catching her every time.
"Happy birthday Mary Moo!" He laughed, tickling her playfully.
"Thank you."
"Okay my birthday girl, shall we get some breakfast?" Rick smiled, and Mary nodded, and jumped out of Glenn's arms, straight into Rick's. He carried her on his shoulders to the cell block, and saw most people awake, as it was half past six.
"Hey, birthday girl," Maggie smiled gently, "you gonna have some breakfast?"
"Yeah." Mary smiled. She got down from Rick's arms, then straight into Maggie's.
"Happy birthday sweetie." Maggie smiled, kissing the top of her head. "Guess what your Glenny found?"
"What?" Mary asked with wide eyes.
"It's a secret." Maggie whispered into Mary's ears teasingly.
"What?" Mary questioned again, whining slightly.
"He found powdered eggs." Maggie laughed, as Mary's face lit up. "Come on. Let's go get some. Go with your daddy, yeah?"
Mary nodded and smiled as Maggie passed her back over to Rick. "Okay... Coconut milk or apple juice?"
"Coconut!" Mary grinned, and Rick got her the small drink carton, then a small plate of powdered scrambled eggs, eating them on her father's knee.
Carl came over a few minutes later at the smell of the flood, his hair messy, his body skinny and tall, in a grey shirt and a pair of checked pyjama bottoms. "Happy birthday Mary." He smiled groggily, sitting down beside her and kissing the top of her head. Mary hugged him tightly, as Carol put a plate in front of him, then Rick.
"Yummy yummy yummy." Mary smiled with her mouth full of egg.
"Do you want your present now?" Carl asked a few minutes later.
"Present?" Mary asked with wide eyes.
"Yep." Carl laughed, getting up. He went to their cell, and came back with something behind his back. "Here." He smiled, passing her a gift wrapped in newspaper.
"Thank you!" Mary grinned, opening it to find book on farmyard animals, and a bunny teddy. "I love it!" She bugged the bunny to her chest, then held her arms up, and let Carl pick her up and hug her.
"I love you." Carl mumbled into her hair, and kissed her head.
"Love you too." Mary smiled back.
"Finish your breakfast, baby." Rick smiled gently, and Carl sat down, Mary on his knee, shovelling egg into her mouth until she was finished.
"Daddy, can we go on a run today? Because it's my birthday?" Mary asked with a charming smile.
"What?" Rick laughed, "No, you crazy girl."
"Why?"
"'Cos it's dangerous. What else do you wanna do?"
"Ride Nemo, and go hunting and swimming in the lake."
"What lake?" Carl asked with a laugh.
"Hunting lake." Mary replied nonchalantly.
"We see it when we go huntin'." Daryl explained with his mouth full of food.
"Let's go." Rick shrugged.
"Really?!" Mary exclaimed, a massive grin on her face.
"Yeah! Why not, hey?" Rick laughed.
"This is the best day ever!" Mary screamed happily, launching herself out of Carl's hold and hugging Rick. "I'm gonna tell Maggie and Glenn and Mishy and uncle Daryl! Can they come!?"
"Of course." Rick laughed, kissing the top of her head. "Go! Tell them!" Mary ran over to them, giggling and giddy.
An hour later, Mary, Carl, Judith, Rick, Maggie, Glenn, and Michonne were at the lake edge, Daryl hunting.
"I'm gonna jump in." Mary said suddenly, a sudden grin on her face.
"You don't have any clothes, or a swimsuit." Rick laughed. Mary shrugged at him, then pulled off her dress and shoes, jumping off the slight edge, into the crystal waters.
"Mary!" Rick shouted, but her tiny head just bobbed up from the water, laughing. "Can your feet touch the bottom?" He panicked.
"No but I swim like a dolphin!" Mary giggled, beginning to swim around.
"Does that kid have any fear?" Maggie laughed.
"Nope." Michonne laughed in admiration.
"I'm goin' in." Carl laughed, taking off his shirt, and jumping into the lake in his cut-off shorts. Rick walked around to the other side of the lake, and rolled up his jeans so he could paddle with Mary and Carl, but they weren't interested in him; they were swimming together and diving and playing like wild animals.
"It's nice, isn't it?" Maggie said gently, "seeing them both so happy. Seeing them being kids."
"I forget he is." Rick smiled gently, looking at Carl as he swam around the lake with Mary on his back.
Maggie smiled at Rick, then turned to Beth. "You gonna go for a swim Bethie?" She asked, slightly teasingly.
"Sorry, got no spare clothes." She shrugged.
"Same!" Carl laughed, then he pulled her in.
"Carl!" She laughed, trying and failing to be annoyed, as everyone else laughed.
"Judy, do you wanna swim?" Mary shouted to her baby sister who was now in Glenn's arms. Glenn smiled and passed her to Rick, who held her just above the lake, her gorgeously chubby legs kicking in the water.
"You're a big girl now Judith!" Mary giggled, swimming over.
"Careful, don't get her wet, she has no other clothes and babies can't be cold for too long."
"I won't." Mary laughed. "Can you swim with me?"
"I've not got any other clothes. I'll just paddle." Rick smiled gently, putting Judith down with Hershel.
"Don't be so boring dad." Carl smiled, but his voice had a slightly harsh tinge.
Rick laughed, then suddenly Mary and Carl pulled him in.
"Oh, you little..." Rick laughed, coming up from the water and grabbing both the children, tickling them both.
"Dad!" Carl whined though his laugher, as Mary giggled, her voice a beautiful melody. "Dad!"
Rick stopped for a second, throwing Mary over his shoulder, then carried on to tickle Carl.
"Dad, stop! I'm not five!" He laughed, trying to be annoyed, but unable to stop laughing.
"You act it sometimes." Rick teased, carrying on tickling him as he fought him off.
"Dad!" Carl insisted, his face red. Rick laughed at him and stopped tickling him, but grabbed him and hugged him tightly, then kissed the top of his head.
"I love you son."
"I love you too dad." Carl smiled softly, pulling away and swimming off.
Rick smiled happily, his eyes teary, then he grabbed Mary. "Right, Little Miss Grimes, what shall I do with you!?" Rick teased, grabbing her again and holding her in the air.
"Give me a cuddle!" Mary laughed, and Rick hugged her tightly, then threw her up in the air and caught her.
"Shall we go under the water?" Rick asked with a smile. "Have a look at the bottom?"
Mary nodded with a grin, and Rick went to the deep end of the lake, holding Mary's hand while she swam. It was so deep, even Rick struggled to stand up.
"Okay. I'll count to three, then we swim to the bottom, yeah?"
"Yeah!" Mary grinned.
"Okay. One, two, three!" Rick smiled, then they swam to the bottom, Rick helping Mary do so, and she managed to touch the bottom, swimming back up with a grin and a handful of shiny pebbles.
"I'm gonna go with Glenny and Maggie and Mishy." Mary explained, swimming over to the shore. She ran out of the lake, and passed Hershel a pebble, then Michonne, then Maggie, then Glenn.
"I swam all the way to the bottom!" Mary grinned to Glenn.
"Wow!" He laughed, his smile large.
Mary sat down in between Maggie and Glenn, resting her head on Glenn's chest.
"I love you Glenn." Mary smiled up at him, then she took Maggie's hand. "And you."
"We love you too." Maggie smiled.
"Glenn, when are you and Maggie having the baby?"
Maggie laughed, as did Glenn. "We're not having a baby, Mary. Definitely not yet, anyway." Glenn laughed, his arm over Mary's shoulders, his fingers intertwined with Maggie's.
"How does the baby get in your tummy?" Mary asked in confusion.
"Erm..." Glenn began awkwardly, going red.
"I think that's a question for daddy to answer when you're older." Maggie nodded, nearly laughing.
"Do most mommies die? Do they always die now? Because of the Walkers?"
"Oh sweetheart. No, no, baby." Maggie sighed gently.
"Mommy died because of the baby, but she was okay having us before."
"But that wasn't because of the Walkers," Glenn explained softly, "it was because she got sick."
"I don't want you to have a baby," Mary said suddenly, "never ever. If you died, I'd be too sad."
"It's very rare. Doesn't always happen." Maggie soothed.
"I'm not gonna be a mommy."
"That's okay. You don't have to be."
"I'm going to play now." Mary sighed, getting up and running to the lake again, where they played for hours.

When they got home, Mary was sat on Rick's shoulders, her legs muddy, her hair wet and tangled.
"Everything alright here?!" Rick shouted up to Sasha in the guard tower, and she gave him a thumbs up.
"Okay. Go shower off, you two are filthy." Rick teased, getting Mary down. Carl nodded, and walked away with Mary, washing down their muddy legs. Afterwards, Mary sat in the guard tower with Rick, doing her jigsaw puzzle, her damp hair drying in the boiling Georgian heat.
"How are babies made?" Mary asked suddenly.
Rick's head shot up in surprise, then he looked at Mary awkwardly. He could think of one thing; Lori would have known what to have said. "Maybe that's... A topic for another time. When you're older."
"I am old." Mary insisted.
"Maybe when you're older." Rick nodded firmly.
"Why's it a secret?" Mary asked in confusion.
"It's just for adults. Not a secret, just for only old people to know. Yeah. Ermm... I'll tell you when you're older."
Mary sighed petulantly. "I'm not a baby."
"I know," Rick nodded, "but in life, there's somethings you don't need to know. You don't need to know."
"Okay." Mary shrugged, rolling her eyes.
"Sassy little girl." Rick laughed, rolling his eyes back at her. Mary poked her tongue out at him, then carried on with her jigsaw.
"Show me where we are." Rick said, walking over to her.
"Here." Mary smiled, pointing to the bottom end of North America.
"Yep! Where's... Where is the North Pole?"
Mary grinned at Rick, and pointed to the very top of the jigsaw. "Santa land."
"Yep," Rick laughed, "and Africa?"
Mary's face was deep in concentration for several seconds, then pointed to the middle of Africa.
"Yep." Rick smiled. "And where's... Where is Europe?" Mary's stubby finger pointed to Germany, roughly in the middle of Europe. "And England?"
"Here?" She asked, mobbing her finger slightly to point to France.
"No. That's France. This is England. It's an island, see? Surrounded by water. Like this country. Ireland. And like... Here. Like Madagascar. And here, look? This one, it's called Cuba, and it's in a group of islands, called the Caribbean."
"There's so many places." Mary smiled in awe.
"Yep. So what country are we in?"
"America."
"And what state?"
"Georgia. It's also a name, daddy. Did you know that?" Mary asked, proud of her knowledge.
"No, I didn't," Rick lied, "you're so clever. What's above America? Here?"
"Santa Land! The North Pole!" Mary grinned.
"Yes," the man laughed, "but the one straight above, that is on a border with us, is called Canada."
"Can we go?"
"No." Rick smiled sadly, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Okay." Mary shrugged. "Can I go play with Mika?"
"Yeah, go play." Rick smiled, and Mary ran away, and began to play a crazy game of tag with Lizzie and Mika. Rick could hear their laughter from the guard tower.