Don't look back

Forty three

"You don't have to come with us. We can handle it. We're not little kids."
"I told your dad I'd help you. And Mary is, like, three. So she is."
"I'm four and a half." Mary mumbled, her forehead wrinkled, holding Carl's hand as he snickered.
"We've been through a lot. She may be four but she's probably been more shit that you ever have." Carl spat.
"Nice, Carl," Mary hissed, then her face lit up, "look! It's a hamster! Carl, can I keep it? Please?" She begged, looking at a large rat in a tiny cage, set up as a Walker trap.
"No. It's a rat, not a pet." Carl sighed, but his mouth was playing with a smile, then he looked at a Walker. "Guess you should take care of that." He said to Michonne. Michonne nodded, but as she went to kill it, Carl grabbed Mary and ran away.
Michonne ran after them, and grabbed his shoulder. "What the hell was that?" She hissed.
"We want to do this alone!" Carl protested, walking ahead.
"You just passed the baby place!" Michonne remarked.
Mary sighed at Carl, and Carl turned around to look at the woman. "I'm getting Judith something else first, okay?" Carl replied, putting Mary down and walking away, holding her hand. Michonne had no choice but to follow them in silence, until they got to a restaurant.
Carl cleaned the window, and looked in, Mary trying to see, but being too small to. The boy sighed, then went to open the door, but Michonne grabbed his wrist sharply.
"Get the hell off!" Carl hissed angrily.
"No. You're not going in there!" Michonne snapped back.
Carl grabbed Mary's wrist and walked away angrily, breathing shakily. "Don't be mad. Just calm down." Mary whispered soothingly, and Carl rolled his eyes.
"You think I was going to let you go in there?" Michonne shouted after him.
"I just think it's none of your business!You don't know me. You don't know my dad, or anyone!" Carl retorted.
"I came out here to help." Michonne defended calmly, cutting the boy off.
"You came out here for common interests. We have the same enemy, and the same problem, and that's why you're here. That's it. This is important. I'm going to do this. And I know how I can. You can't stop me."
"I can't stop you. But you can't stop me from helping you." Michonne replied, following him as he walked.
"What's the plan?" Mary asked him, and Carl sighed.
"Get some of those rats. The Walkers will go for it, and I can quietly slip in."
"I'll do it. Not you." Michonne said gently.
"No. I'll do it. It's my problem. My thing. I'm doing it." Carl muttered.
"Let's all do it." Mary replied as if it was obvious.
"Good plan." Michonne nodded back in approval, and Carl glared at the two of them, and walked a little faster.
Mary went beside Michonne and grabbed her hand. Michonne jerked her hand away, then relaxed and let Mary take it again. "Carl gets mad sometimes. He's sad about mommy. Me too. I cry when I'm sad, but he just gets mad." Mary explained innocently to Carl.
"I'm sorry about your mommy. It wasn't long ago, was it?" Michonne said gently.
"No. She died when she had Judith." Mary whispered, beginning to cry.
"It's sad, isn't it? Loosing someone you love. But you have your daddy, and Carl, and all your friends."
"Maggie and Glenn look after me as well." Mary nodded slowly. "But they're not mommy."
Michonne smiled at Mary softly, but couldn't find the words to say. What do you say to a four year old who's mother just died?
"I don't think this is kind." Mary sighed, as Carl grabbed a few cages of rats.
"They're still in cages, it's okay. They can't really be eaten." Carl assured.
"But they'll get scared. And what if they can't get out." The child whined.
"We'll go back and save them." Carl lied, and Mary smiled, then carried one of the cages to the restaurant.
"This one is called Rick-Glenn-Daryl. I'm gonna give him to Daryl as a friend." Mary grinned to Carl.
"Okay, but you gotta roll it in first." Carl promised. Mary nodded, and let Carl push in the rat along with all the others.
"Okay. Sit here, against the door, and hold your gun ready. Scream if anything comes. Okay?" Carl said to Mary firmly. Mary nodded, and sat by the door, her gun pointed at nothing and everything the whole time. After a while, Michonne pushed Carl out of the door, herself following, and she slammed the door behind her.
"Okay?" Mary asked in fear.
"Yeah. Are you? Did you see anything? Are you okay?" Carl questioned his little sister.
"I'm okay. You made lots of noise. Are you okay?" Mary whispered, still scared.
"I'm fine, I promise," Carl nodded, picking Mary up, then he looked at Michonne in panic, and said, "I've got to go back in!"
"Where is it?!" Michonne asked, her face shocked and confused.
"We have to go back! We have to! I have to! It's the only one left!" Carl screamed into Michonne's face, making Mary begin to cry softly. "Mary needs it! Let me go in! We gotta go in!"
Michonne sighed softly, then Carl glared at her, and put Mary down. "Fine!" He spat, trying to go back in.
Michonne put her hand over the door protectively. "Not like this. I don't know you. I get that. But can you do something for me? Wait. Here."
"No!" Carl yelled.
"No! No more bullshit! You wait here. That's how we get it done." Michonne shouted back. Carl nodded slowly and backed away, leaning against the door. Mary sat in the corner, closing her eyes and crying softly, overwhelmed and tired by everything.
Michonne came back a few minutes later, and gently passed Carl a photo frame.
"I just... I just thought Judith should... Should know what her mom looked like. And Mary... She misses mom. And she'll forget what she looks like. And... Mary needs it. Thank you." Carl grinned, gazing at the photo.
"I was going to go back in anyway. I just couldn't leave this behind," Michonne smiled teasingly, pulling out a cat sculpture, "it's just too damn gorgeous."
Mary looked up at Michonne through her tears, and the woman smiled softly. The little girl cried a little more, and lifted up her arms.
"Mary, look." Carl smiled, passing her the photo frame. Mary held it, and looked at the photo inside, seeing her mom, dad, and brother smiling back at her. Lori was smiling, and looked genuinely happy. Rick's face was freshly shaved, his smile large, his hair neat, his eyes so happy. Carl looked so young, so innocent, so childlike. Mary cried softly as she looked at her mother, and Carl took it back to keep it safe for his little sisters.
"You're okay." Michonne said to Mary, both gentle and firm. Mary nodded, and as they walked back to Rick, her eyes slowly closed, and she fell asleep, the day overwhelming her with emotions and tiredness.

When Mary woke up, she was in Rick's arms, almost back at the car. "Daddy?" She mumbled in fear, her dark eyes fretful.
"Hey, gorgeous. Hey. You're okay. Have you had a bad dream?" Rick soothed, as Mary rested her head in her father's neck.
"Yeah." Mary cried softly.
"It's okay, it's not real. And look, we're at the car now. So we're going home, back to Judith and Glenn and Maggie. Yeah?"
"Yeah." Mary smiled gently.
"And guess what your super cool brother found?"
"What?"
"He found you some clothes, and a Noah's ark, like the one you had at the farm, and he found some chocolate pudding." Rick smiled.
"Wow! Animals! And daddy, I have a pet rat now." Mary explained, having woken up and now giddy from excitement.
"Yeah," Carl sighed shakily, opening the car boot, "about that. Your pet rat... He ran away."
"Ran away?" Mary gasped, her heart falling.
"Yeah," Rick began, making it up in the spot, "Carl told me about how your pet rat ran away because.... He missed his best friend. Who was at one of the houses. But I'm not sure which one. But he said bye bye, and he loves you, and he'll see you soon."
"Okay," Mary nodded sadly, "if that makes him happy."
Rick smiled at Mary, then turned to Carl. "Everything okay with Michonne?"
"I think she might be one of us." Carl nodded slowly, avoiding eye contact with his dad.
Rick raised his eyebrows in shock. "What?"
"Everything went okay." Carl sighed.
Rick smiled at Carl softly. "Hop in. I'll throw these bags in the back." Rick instructed, and Carl got in the car. Michonne walked over, and Rick carried on putting the bags away, still holding Mary, then he suddenly stopped, and began to look around, as if he was lost.
"You see something?" Michonne asked, and Rick looked at her with wide eyes. "I know you see things. People. I used to talk to my dead boyfriend. It happens." The woman explained.
Mary looked up at Rick in confusion about what Michonne was talking about, but he just kissed her nose, then turned to Michonne. "Wanna drive?"
"Yeah."
"Good," Rick smiled teasingly, "I see things."
Michonne smiled back at him, and got in the car. "Hey, kiddo, guess what me and Carl got at the baby place?"
"Noah Ark." Mary whispered with a smile, suddenly shy.
"Oh no, even better. A car seat." The woman said, looking at Rick with a teasing smile. Rick rolled his eyes, then put Mary in the back of the car with Carl, buckling her into the seat.
Mary slept yet again for most of the drive home, and she woke up when they got back to the prison.
"Come on, you." Rick smiled softly, and Mary clambered into his arms. He carried her inside, Michonne and Carl carrying the crib.
"Daddy, what happened?" Mary asked suddenly, seeing how he was only carrying her on one side, and the blood stain just below his shoulder.
"Ah, just a little accident. I'm okay, don't worry." Rick smiled gently. Mary nodded and snuggled even closer into his shirt, but as soon as they got into the cell block, she got down and ran to Maggie and Glenn.
"Hey, kiddo." Glenn laughed, picking her up and swinging her around. "You have fun?"
"I got a car seat! And new clothes and a Noah Ark and chocolate pudding for dessert! And I got a pet rat but it ran away. And we met a man who had lots of guns, and we took some but he stabbed Daddy. But really, they're actually friends! And I had two naps, so I'm awake now." Mary rambled happily.
"I can tell." Glenn chuckled, and Mary grinned back at him.
"What do you mean, someone stabbed your daddy?" Maggie asked in concern.
"I'm fine," Rick smiled softly, walking over, "it's nothing serious."
"Did you have a fun day?" Mary asked Glenn, patting his cheek.
"Yeah. Hey, Rick, Andrea came by." Glenn began, and Rick's head down to look at him.
"What? Again?"
"She and the Governor want to meet tomorrow. To discuss things." Glenn explained, and Rick nodded slowly.
"Alright. I'll take Daryl." Rick nodded slowly.
"Dinner's ready!" Carol shouted, and they walked over to the table in the other room.
"What is it?" Mary asked Glenn, then wrinkled her nose at the smell.
"Fish." Glenn half laughed, and Mary smiled slightly. She sat on Glenn's lap as she ate, but only did so because Rick was sat next to them. After they had finished, they ate the pudding Carl had found, Mary grinning widely. It was the happiest she had been since her mother died, and since Woodbury.
"Okay, kiddo, let's get you ready for bed. You too, Carl. It's been a busy day, and it's late." Rick said after they finished eating.
"What? It's not late." Carl protested.
"No, come on." Rick sighed, and Carl got up with a roll of his eyes. As usual, Carl got into bed in his clothes, only taking off his boots. Rick quickly changed Mary into her pyjamas, and put her in bed, giving her her teddy as he did so.
"I wanna sleep with you tonight." Mary whispered to Rick, suddenly seeming younger, more scared.
"You're a big girl now, come on. I know you can do it. I know you can sleep in your own room. And I'm only next door." Rick assured.
"You can stay up here with me." Carl offered reluctantly, and Mary nodded, then climbed up to Carl's bed on the top bunk. "Do you want it?" Carl asked gently, passing Mary the photo frame. Mary nodded, and she fell asleep with the face of her mom looking over her.