College Sweethearts.

Journal Entry 5

/three weeks later, 2:39 am/

John and I laid on the bed, a cheeky grin on my face as I let out a cloud of smoke. "What do you miss about... high-school? " John asked, and I looked up at him.

"Nothing, I hated it. " I answered and he laughed, nodding. "Do you have any childhood stuffed animals? " I asked, and John smiled.

"Hell yeah! It came with three bears, blue, pink and purple, one for all of my siblings, including me. " John said and got up grabbed something from under his pillow. He held up a blue bear, that had rainbow ribbon on it, and vape in its hands. "It's modified by my sister, but yeah. "

"Damb. " I said, looking over at the milk plushie.
John sat back down, the bear sitting on in his lap.

"What's your favorite childhood game? " John asked, and I sighed.

"Battleships with my aunt and dad. " I said, and John smiled. Fuck him and his stupid smile, I swear! It's making me feel some weird ass way. "What about you? " I asked back, and his mouth gaped slightly as the smoke escaped his mouth.

"My siblings and I would mess around in our moms closet, and dress up for the topics, I won most of the times! " John said, his voice deeper due to the vapor.

"Cool, fashionista. " I said, and he laughed.

"I wish, now hmm.. how'd you know you were gay? " John asked, and throw my head back.

"My sister tried to get me to kiss a girl, I freaked and kissed a boy when I got in trouble for making out on school grounds... " I said, my eyes shrinking at the thought of that day.

I heard John laugh and I looked at him. "What? " I said, confused.

"That's all! Jesus! " John tried to calm down, and finally did after a few minutes.

"Fuck you, first of all, and how'd you know you were gay? " I asked.

"You wish, " John winked, "I couldn't get hard at girls in porn like my brother did, but then whenever I saw boys I felt mushy and stuff, so I went through denial until I told my siblings and they fucking got my head back into the gay man. So did my mom. " John laughed, shrugging.

"Fuck, I wish I had accepting parent like that. " I said, and John gave sadly smiled at me.

"Does your dad not Except you? " John asked, and I laughed.

"No, he does, his side does, he's really gay himself, but it's my mom side. " I shrugged and he nodded.

"What time is it? " I asked, as I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

"3:29 am- oh shit. " John put his vape down, pulled off his hoodie. "I'm gonna go to bed now, night Luca," John said, getting into his bed and pulling the covers over himself. I sighed, turning off the light and getting into bed.

The cold covers covered my warm body and I shivered. I turned in my in my bed, trying to get comfortable. I failed.

Sighing, I closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep.

/dream/

My eyes opened, revealing the dark. I looked around frantically, trying to move. I couldn't. I was ...frozen. I continued to look around, seeing nothing. Lights flickered on, revealing.. the scene of my 15th birthday...

My mom held a cake in her hands, a large smile on her face. "Happy birthday, Lucas! " she said, and I smiled?

"Thanks, mom! " I said, and she smiled back. I walked off to Evan, who talked to Jonathan and my sister. I waved, and they waved back. I sat down on the couch, and my sister held my hand.

"Good luck on today.. " she said, and I gulped.

"Yeah! Good luck Luca! " Evan said, and I smiled.

"Yeah, I hope all goes well for ya! " Jonathan said, and I nodded.

"Thanks, Guys, and gal. " I said, hearing my mom, dad and aunt frantically struggle in the kitchen.
I didn't want the whole family there, just a The few I really cared about. My parents expected my request, and my aunt came.

My eyes re-opened to everyone sitting at the table, the cake in front me, the candles are not yet blown out. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear /Lucas/Luca! Happy birthday to you! " the people sang along, some using my nickname and others using my real one.

"Go on! Blow out your candles honey! " my mom excited Said, and I listened. The candles were blown out, the black smoke blowing up into the air.
'I wish I'll have an excepting family' that was my wish.

"Anything anyone would like to say? " My father asked, smiling sweetly.

"I have something I wanna say? " I said, my stomach feeling as if I was about to throw up, I started to feel myself heat up as well.

"What's that, Lucas sweetie? " my mom said, and I gulped.

"I'm gay... " I said, my moms, face breaking.

"Wha-wha.. my son.. gay.. what? " she mumbled out.

"That's great, Luca! As long as your happy! " My aunt said, kissing my head. I smiled, and she smiled back.

"Yeah, that's great Lucas, I'll always support you!" My dad said, smiling.

"What the hell! How could you be so excepting, he's gay! I can't, we'll send him to a recover camp.. yeah that's what we'll do. " my heart broke at the words my mom said. I couldn't believe it.

"Mia, what's wrong with you? You can't just do that to a kid! " My aunt said, shaking her head at my mom.

"Yeah, come on. " my dad said, and my mom starred at the two in disgust. She pulled off her ring, throwing it at my dad. She walked out the door.

"I'll be back for my things soon, I'm getting a divorce, I want nothing else to do with this family, " she said, I felt my eyes start to tear up. I got up, running up to my room. I locked the door, falling down the eyes and crying.

I cried for weeks. Maybe even months after that.

My moms' words stung. My own mom hated me.

/dream end/

I awoke, my eyes wet with tears, my pillow soaked with tears. I tried to go back to bed, but couldn't.
Fuck. "John? " I asked, and John tiredly replied.

"Yea? " he said, his voice low.

"I had a bad dream and I can't go back to sleep... "
I said, mentally face planting.

"Come'Er Luca... " John said, and I walked over.
He pulled me down to him, and he went back to sleep. I leaned into his warmth, slowly falling asleep in his arms.

My last thought being 'you're in fucking love'.