I'm sad because I'm scared
Nothing makes sense
I'm sad...
Because I'm scared?
I'm so, so scared that my dad is sick
I'm so, so scared that something will happen
And he'll die, or something
And for some reason
I have to act like a bitch all the time
Why do I raise my voice at him ?
Then I remember
Because he acts like he's going to drive...
...Into traffic
Just to scare me .
Because he says gross stuff
About him and my mom
And what they... do
Because he's always joking around
Doesn't he realize ?
I'm hurting inside all the time
All the time
And he doesn't see it somehow
He forgets my friends names
He forgets the things he does to tease me
He forgets
And I'm so scared
That because I'm angry with him
Because of that
He'll die with our last words a fight
And even as I'm thinking of the dumb stuff
The stupid stuff
The annoying stuff he does
I can't help but think
Of other stuff he does for me
Like make me try his food
Or use the ":)" smiley a lot
Like quoting the Parks and Rec producers
(Deedle Dee)
Every
Single
Time
We watch it
Or ruin movie plots by guessing about them...
And guessing right somehow?
Or play piano
Or help me fix things
Or help me make things when I'm too...
The opposite of Fix-it Felix.
And I can't help but remember
The night he almost died
Is the night
I discovered anxiety .
He gives me fear all the time...
But I kinda like him sometimes
And I'm so scared and sad
That he'll die
Right after we fight
