easy | e. dolan

12. - because

"hey! where's our smoothies?" tatum asked me in confusion.

i hate the fact that people can't fall in love with who they want to fall in love with.

i fell in love with ethan, and he's dreading me apart. him in general hurts my heart.

i might act like i hate him, but i truly love him. i only act like the way i do because i'm upset with his actions, yet i still love him.

"uh, i forgot my cash. and then i just ended up not wanting one." i lied, setting my skateboard against the wall.

"oh, okay. you okay?" she looked at me with her big brown eyes.

"fine, why?" i let out an exhausted sigh.

"stop lying to me, aviana. i know you're lying." tatum gritted her teeth as she spoke.

"i saw him. he was there." my eyes met hers, tears filling them up.

"baby, who?" she asked, greeting completely worried.

"e-ethan."

"i'm going to kick his fucking ass and cut off his di-"

"it's fine, tatum, i swear. he didn't say anything, it's just i saw him." i sighed.

"i really hate life right now."
—
"avi," he starts, "i miss you." his voice was weak and cracking, it hurt me. my heart was literally being drowned with sadness.

"i don't."

"why," he clears his throat, "don't you?"

"because."

"could you come over to mine later? or now."

"sure." i bit my lip, fighting the tears.

"okay, bye."

"bye."

later that day, i received at text from him.

ethan😭💔: you never came.
;why?

aviana🤧🥀: because i don't love you anymore.
read 3:28 a.m.

i rolled over in my bed, shifting for a comfortable position to sleep in.

what the hell are you thinking?

i haven't slept in almost 4 weeks. it's ethan. i miss him. he just acts like he's my hero or my boyfriend.

but i want him to be my boyfriend, and i want him to be my hero. i would want him to show love to me by doing what's right for me.

he hasn't even asked me to be his girlfriend. and he almost killed my brother, and i'm not going to make a big deal of him beating ian's ass.

i feel like, ever since that day, everything i'm doing is wrong. like i just don't know when to learn.

but that's because i love him. he taught me how to gain self confidence. he taught me that no negativity should ever bring me down.

but my confidence went away, and i have a voice in my heart telling me to move on; to stop falling for his charming tricks.

but i can't. because i love him. i love every piece of him and i can't get enough. 

and i can't even look at him without crying. it hurts so much.

but let me tell you this. when you're sick, the best feeling you want to feel is to go back to being completely fine and healthy.

and i'm sick; i fell in love with ethan grant dolan. and i just want to move on. but that will never happen.

because i love every piece of him.
everything.
—
"aviana, how many times do i have to tell you to get some sleep?" my mom asked me, completely tired.

"i don't know mom. i'm just worn out." i rubbed my eyes.

"he's not worth it, aviana. he hurt you." my mom spoke.

"wait, what? who are you talking about?" i immediately was getting pissed.

"tatum told me everything." my mom said.

"dammit tatum." i mumbled to myself.

"honey, he isn't showing you what you want him to show you. snap out of it!"

"why aren't you supporting me? my mom would support me in anything i would want to contribute or accomplish. and i want him."

"but, honey, he-"

"what do you have against him?"

"honey, that's enough."

"no, why aren't you wanting me to be happy?"

"honey, don't make me do this."

"what are you so afraid of?"

"he won't make you happy-"

"but he did, mom! he still does! and if you don't want to let me do what i want, then stay out of my life." i looked down at my wrist, seeing my tattoo.

"i'm getting this piece of shit off of me tomorrow morning." i was referring to my tattoo, her initials. her eyes went wide, and her whole body slouched over.

"do it. that just shows how much of an idiot you are to fall for a guy like him." my mom spat, before slamming the front door of my apartment.

god, she's so dramatic and annoying.

i scheduled an appointment at the tattoo shop. i wouldn't think twice about burning my tattoo.

my appointment was tomorrow at three pm.

welp, today is just going to get longer.