easy | e. dolan

11. - idiot

(a/n: play song now (:)
i miss her. a lot. i'm everything but a hero. i'm weak. i'm a baby. i'm a pussy. i'm stupid. i'm legally retarded.

how could i let her go? we haven't spoken in 3 weeks. 3 damn weeks. i haven't left my apartment, better to explain it as bed. i haven't eaten, and i'm not hungry.

the tears don't go away, and my eyes never turn back to the hazel they were before. they are all puffy and can't seem to stop turning red.

sobs never leave my mouth, and tears can't stop escaping. she can't go away. she won't go away. she'll always be on my damn mind.

i still love her. that beautiful, incredible soul. the strong, happy girl that always knew how to smile.

do you know what love is? i do. have you ever felt love for someone? i have. would you kill your self for someone you love? hell yeah i would. i would fucking risk anything to see her smile.

her eyes: they are dearly precious. she looks like she is looking into the most beautiful things ever, yet she's not even trying. her dark blue eyes with a splash of grey are the most naturally gorgeous things i've ever looked into.

her lips: oh god, her pink, plump, soft lips are so tasty when they latch onto mine. i dream of kissing them, but i'm not allowed to because she isn't mine.

her nose: her little round nose. so incredible when her nostrils flare a little bit when she exhales oxygen. so desperate i am, i truly wish i could leave small kisses on it.

her eyebrows: such a great shape that fits onto her face and make them look like she's always had a reason to never put on makeup. curved. long. thick. sharp. sexy.

her dimple: the way it curves into her left cheek when she smiles, makes me know she's happy, therefore i'll always be happy. her dimple only appears when she laugh or smiles, and it's truly beautiful.

aviana denise lamont has slid into my veins, into my blood, into my heart and has sunken so deep that i cannot get her out. i can't forget her. i could never forget her. i will never stop supporting her, i will never stop loving her, and i will never forget her.

usually, when i thought i would fall in love, i thought i would be so happy, always smiling and laughing.

but i'm nowhere near happy. that's like from me from the moon times five.

i dream about the day i get to wrap my arms around her perfectly curved waist and be able to call her mine. to have her laugh into my chest, have her smile in my shoulder.

i truly strive for that beautiful, unforgettable moment with her. i will always, and she has my word, love her no matter what happens.

ian and james made her feel like shit, and i thought i made things better, but i just ruined what we had between us.

aviana will always be better off without me, so i can't have her near me. i can't even think about her without crying.

i enjoy to torture myself with pictures of us when we would go on dates, hangout, or just be mean to each other by taking ugly pictures of each other.

i have a phone with all of the pictures, it's all it has. pictures of the two of us.

i really, really wish i can just get her out of my life and move on, but, here i am, once again, torn into pieces.