My Newsies Oneshots

Sorry

Cue the tears
...

Dear Jack,

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry because you'll never get to hear me say "sorry" to you.

I'm sorry you're dead.

I hide my tears every time I hear your name, while the pain simply encompasses me. Although, I smile and put on a brave face for everyone around me, for the children and for the boys, there is no one who misses you more than me...

You were my everything Jack, my rock, my world. You supported me and loved me even in my darkest days. You were the best father anyone could ask for to our two children, Elodie and Liam. You were the best husband a girl could ask for.

Every night I lie in bed and can still picture your handsome face; your sharp jawline, your deep blue eyes, your jet black scruffy hair and that smirk that still makes me weak to the knees even as a full grown woman. I love you.

As a teenager, I swore that I would never fall for a boy, I would stay focused and achieve my dreams; yet, the day I met you, my legs shook and I lost my heart to you the minute I first saw you. I swore that I was a strong enough woman to never need the support of a man, I believed I would never need anyone. But, I do. I need you. I wish there was a way to bring you back just one more time, to kiss you and remind you just how much I love you. But I never got a chance at a proper goodbye. War is cruel like that.

It's so difficult to try and wake up in the mornings knowing I won't see your gorgeous face. It's so difficult knowing our children have to grow up without you in their lives. I think of you every day as I watch them grow, Liam has just lost his first tooth and Elodie has moved up a level in ballet class. It pains me to know you will never get to see all of their achievements. There are so many things we will never get to experience together and it breaks my heart.

I hope I'm making you proud. I try my best every day to be the best person I can be and to be there for everyone.

It's difficult to try and stay strong while everyone around me openly mourns your death and I have to give them words of comfort. Of course the boys all ask me whether I'm okay or how I'm holding up, but I'll never tell them how much I'm hurting. You see, they've always looked towards me and you when they need help and encouragement and I can't just turn my back on them now you're gone, I have to continue to be a role model. And the children depend heavily on me as well; Liam's still too young to even understand what death is, all he knows is that you're gone and that you're never coming back. Poor Elodie understands and it breaks me to see how much her heart is aching yet she too still puts on a brave face and acts like everything is alright. Of course, we can only try our best and we all try to carry on with our lives while keeping the memory of you alive.

I miss you Jack. I miss you like hell.

I know I will see you again somehow. Save a space in heaven for me.

Love always,

                                   Your dearest beloved,
                                                             
Katherine
(Your Ace) xx