For The Love Of A Pendragon.

Chapter Four...Fears and Resentment...

 Tor and Nimue's Point of View: 

Chapter Four…Fears and Resentment...

                When I awoke I found that I was still lying in Arthur’s bed, warm and blissful, covered by his silken sheets and cosy furs. The king, my lawful husband, lay beside me, still sleeping peacefully. Dawn was rising and the early morning rays filtered through the stain glass window, sending multi-coloured squares of light bouncing across the room. I had never felt so perfectly content and then the reality of Arthur’s coming marriage hit me with a ton of bricks. Sighing I turned away from him onto my side and commanded myself not to cry. Arthur’s first born would be mine but it would not be rightfully royal in the eyes of the law. This did not bother me, but I feared its precarious upbringing. After I had revealed the truth to Arthur we had taken our embrace to his bed and remained there, quietly and idealistically planning our child’s future until we had eventually fallen into pleasant sleeps.

                ‘Nimue?’ Arthur’s voice was gentle and brought me from my contemplation, ‘are you awake my love?’ 

                I nodded and murmured a confirmation but did not turn to face him. Arthur shuffled closer to me and slowly wrapped his arm around me, laying his hand on my stomach and stroking my slight bump with his thumb rhythmically.

                ‘When will she be here?’ I asked, I did not want to ruin the moment but I needed to know. I needed to know when there would be a new queen; I needed to know when Arthur would take a new woman to his bed.

                ‘In a month, we will marry once she has settled herself…’ he replied sounding deflated.

                ‘What will that make me?’ I asked sadly, fully aware that I was already nothing in the eyes of the law.

                ‘You will, as always be my wife,’ Arthur answered leaning over me to kiss my cheek.

               

                                                                               

                                                                                                ***

I had not meant to spy on the king only to call upon him in the early hours to remind him that Sir Leodegrance expected a royal hunting party to depart that morning. Leodegrance was the father of the lady Arthur was to marry and had been a long standing friend of Uther. I myself already had little regard for the man; he was demanding and had haggled over his daughter’s engagement like a common market trader.

                I had gone to Arthur to encourage him to attend to the man’s wishes, for it would not do to begin his marriage on an unhappy footing with his father-in-law and by extension his queen. On reaching him however, I heard Arthur’s voice speaking softly and lovingly from within his chambers. My heart rose to my throat, fearful that I had discovered proof of the king’s sodomy but the voice that I heard murmuring a reply was clearly female. Part of me was relieved, kings taking mistress was common but being a sodomite could have damaged his reputation and, some believed, his eternal soul. Once my initial relief subsided it was replaced with indignation at the idea of Arthur taking another to his bed with Nimue’s body barely cold in the ground. It was an offense to her memory and to their marriage vows. She had been my friend; together we three and the stable boy Percy had roamed the city and the land about it joyously. Nimue had loved Arthur with all her heart and I had believed he had felt the same, but this development did not display such an emotion.

                Angry at the dishonour done to my friends memory I strode away, determined that for that day at least, Arthur would have to organise himself without any prompting from me. My father had left me in Camelot with my eldest brother, Lamorak, when the battle was over and those from elsewhere had returned to their homes. Arthur had sworn he could not do without me but my father did not believe it right to leave his youngest son only and thus had insisted Lamorak remained to make himself useful. But it was not Lamorak I headed off to find.

                Geraint was in the hall where often the knights gathered to break fast but our noble guests were taking their meals in their chambers before preparing for the hunt and so it was not difficult to detach my friend from the group. We walked out into the inner courtyard and through the gate into the second which showed the clear signs of repair, some of it ongoing. He did not asked what I wished to speak to him of but he followed me nonetheless aware that my countenance was not one of happiness.

                When we reached the stable and started saddling up the horse I ventured to explain, as I expected Geraint shared my opinion. It was not right for Arthur to so dismiss his late wife’s memory or besmirch the noble name of Pendragon right before his wedding. Geraint had held the Lady Nimue in high regard and I believe would have ventured to love her himself had Arthur not already sealed her affections.

                ‘He is misguided without her,’ Geraint concluded after declaring his primary concerns over the matter. ‘She was a wise and strong light in his life and now he turns to common whores to be consoled.’

                ‘I understand he must grieve for her deeply and that perhaps his relationship with this woman or women is a defence but surely it feels like a gross disloyalty towards her.’ I replied, not wishing to excuse our king’s actions too far. I had not spoken to Geraint of my suspicion of the relationship between Arthur and Merlin for that would have angered him further.

                Geraint shook his head sadly, ‘We can only hope that the coming union will prove fruitful and steer him away from these wonton women…’  

               

               

                                                                                                ***

The royal company departed for their hunting trip shortly after the midday meal, it was later than they had planned and Sir Leodegrance was displeased with the delay. Once the hoard of men on horseback accompanied by their hounds had departed I took myself down to the stables to retrieve my own mount having decided some spiritual guidance from my gods was greatly needed.

                Since Merlin’s death I had taken the words from my gods as law. The moment the rebuilding of Camelot had begun and had been placed in the safe hands of the architect, I had ventured out into the wilds within a day’s ride of the city in search of caves of crystal, groves of rowan wood and lakes of salt as I had been instructed. It had been a rowan grove that I had discovered first, less than half a morning away. But I found little peace there due to the small farming community nearby whose sheep and pigs, allowed to forage freely, came upon me once whilst I was in a state of meditation thus pulling me hastily from my visions. This I had not appreciated and so I had begun my search again. Late one afternoon I found myself at the base of a small range of craggy hills and it was within one of those that I found my cave of crystal. There was just enough room for me to push myself through into the large central cavern, every inch of the walls glistened with pure white creedite crystals, which I knew without any divine words would act as a meditative sanctuary.

                It was to this crystal cave I ventured that afternoon, it was a long and solitary ride but one that I enjoyed and allowed me to contemplate my coming connection with my gods. Sometimes I was simply sent visions the like of which I had always experienced, other times I would be spoken to in the same sense as on the day that I had been warned of the coming sacrifice. I did not know what to expect that afternoon but something in my mind urged me to remember it for it would undoubtedly be important and affect the future in some great and powerful way.