I've Got You | On My Block (fanfic)

Chapter 2: You can't hide from this

"He loves you know Monse," Liv tells me softly

"I know and that's what makes all of this so much harder...but I'm not going to ruin everything he's achieved Liv. He has worked so hard, to prove to me and to prove to Oscar that he could make something of himself"  I look away from the stars and look at my phone, to check the time... it's now 4:08 am. "We've got to be up in an hour, we should try and-"

"And what Monse, get some sleep? But you're not able to sleep and you haven't been able to for weeks!" She turns to me and grabs my hands in hers "The longer you leave it the worse it's going to get Mon, you've got to tell him!"

"I can't" I whisper and the tears start falling again. Olivia pulls me to her side and wraps her arm around my shoulder.

"You've got to Mon and I know it hard...but he needs to know" She rubbing my arm and trying to calm me down, but the tears won't stop.

"He hates me Liv, he doesn't even look at me. He's swapped seats in all the classes we have together so he doesn't have to sit next to me...-"

"He doesn't hate you, he's just hurting. Ruby says all he does is mope around when he's just with the boys, when we're around he's just putting on an act to show face. And he does look at you ALL...THE...TIME, trust me, nothing gets past me."  We sit in silence for a few minutes then Olivia takes a deep breath and rests her head on top of mine. "Mon I know you don't like talking about it and putting all thoughts of Cesar aside...but have you decided what you want to do?"

I close my eyes because this is the question I dread more than everything. This is the same question that Ruby's Abuelita and the doctor have asked me both on separate occasions...and weeks later I still don't know the answer because I know in my heart that this is a decision I need to make with Cesar. But I can't bring him into all of this mess, not after he has worked so hard to get out of Santos.  "You know you have options " Olivia whispers, but she doesn't list them and I'm thankful she doesn't. "But first I think you need to come to terms with it"

Her words sting me, but they are true. She right, I've done all I can to sweep this under the carpet and not confront it, but I'm too proud and stubborn to admit that to her. See Cesar and Olivia are truly the only two people that actually know me, they can both read me like a book. And if it wasn't for Olivia's help to keep this a secret, I know Cesar would have worked it out by now."I have come to terms with it, it's...it's just... difficult" I say trying to sound convincing. 

"I love you Mon but we both know that's bullshit, you haven't come to terms with it" See she knows me...she turns to face me. "One - you refused to acknowledge or even look at the tests when the results came up, even though all five said the same thing" she starts listing them off her fingers "Two - when Abuelita asked you if there was a chance you could be, you laughed it off like it was some joke" She's giving me that look that she gives Ruby when she's telling him off for doing or saying something stupid. "Three - you convinced yourself and others that you have developed an allergy to gluten and that's why you keep throwing up. Four - you hardly spoke when we went to see the doctors" I start playing with my hands in my lap as she continues with her list. "And Five - you refuse to say the word"

The stubbornness in me is probably going to be my downfall one day...I know I hold just be quiet and accept all she has said, but I can't resist but reply to her "Well you're wrong about number four, I was didn't say much because I was taking it all very seriously and listening to everything the doctor was saying" she folds her arms and continues to give me that look "And as for five - I have used that word"