REPUTATION • [j.p.] ✔️

[33]

Chapter Thirty-Three:
Wolfstar

•••

WHEN SIRIUS BLACK kissed Marlene McKinnon, he wished he felt more than he did. He liked her, he really did. He thought he fancied her a great deal. He wanted to fancy her. But there was nothing strong enough to mask the pain he felt when he watched Remus's girlfriend give him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Bloody hell, I don't even know if I like girls, Lily."

He thought he did after all the girls he'd been with, but it wasn't that James Potter and Jessica Black romance that he craved. It was always a quick shag and done. That's all it was and for the first time he had more than that and he despised it with every fiber of his being. Marlene really did like him, he knew that, but he saw no future with her. He lingered in his dorm as long as possible because they walked down to breakfast together.

When he first learned of Marlene's feelings for him, he was thrilled. He hoped this would help him think straight, pun intended. But when Marlene's hands wandered, he knew he would mumble his friends name in pleasure and not hers. He couldn't do that to her. So, he told her they were taking it slow. He wanted to leave her, but he was determined to make Remus jealous.

Tonight they were playing spin the bottle in the Marauders dorm.

Jessie sat propped up against James' bed with pillows, still tangled in the metal contraption after Remus almost broke her neck. Sirius hated the look of guilt in his friends eyes when he looked at her being wheeled around the school, magically carried by school ghosts up flights of stairs and falling asleep on the couch because Lily didn't want Nearly Headless Nick in their dorm. Jessie agreed and slept fine on the couch, but Remus nearly carried her bed out to the common room for her.

Because of her injury Jessie opted out and James chose to sit back and observe with her. He sat next to her with touching shoulders and hands intertwined. He kept looking at her, double checking that she was well and alive. There was a constant worry in his eyes and Sirius knw that that was what love looked like. All they needed was to know the other was there.

For Sirius it was so much more. Perhaps because Jessie and James were something out of a fairytail, spun into perfection, and Sirius' life was a tragedy. Sirius craved to feel real love, he didn't feel it with Marlene, but he was desperate to know if Remus was the cure to his problem.

Next to Jessie on her right sat Lily, next to her was Marlene, Sirius, Peter, Remus' girlfriend then Remus. Between Remus and James was Dorcas Meadowes who looked a bit uncomfortable.

Sirius set down an emptied bottle, grinning. "Lily, darling, will you do the honors?" he asked with a smile. "And remember, if it lands on James or Jessie they get to pick who you kiss."

"Oh Godric, James is going to have far too much fun with that!" Lily huffed in annoyance.

James nodded in agreement. "Go on, Lily flower!" He had a disturbing grin on his face, like he had some sort of sinister plan brewing in his head. Knowing him, which Sirius did very well, James had a highly sinister plan in that head of his. Jessie just shook her head, watching as Lily spun the bottle.

James pouted when it landed on Remus. He slouched as Lily and Remus shared a very platonic kiss. It didn't make any sort of rage rise in Sirius like when Remus kissed his girlfriend. Remus smiled at he spun the bottle and it landed on Marlene. Marlene scrunched her nose up ever so slightly. "Come here, Lupin," she teased, her face turning to a grin.

Sirius frowned as he watched the kiss. Marlene scared him a bit, she was a tad crazy. She really kissed Remus. Sirius could have sworn he saw tongue. Remus blushed when they parted, his girlfriend looking mildly jealous. Marlene tossed her hair over her shoulder, "You're welcome, Remus." She winked as she spun the bottle and it landed on Sirius.

"Well that's no fun, I kiss him all the time," Marlene sighed. "I'll make it a special kiss."

She pulled Sirius close then, very suddenly. The kiss was deep and heated, passionate. Sirius cupped her face, his other hand on her waist. He returned the kiss just the same, not because he liked it, but because he knew what girls liked. This was the proper response to a kiss like this. She pulled back leaving his lips to tingle ever so slightly.

Jessie cleared her throat. "Please remove the awkward tension in the air by spinning the damn bottle. Thank you."

James snorted at his girlfriends remark. She just grinned happily as Sirius spun the bottle.

It felt like time completely slowed for a moment. It slowed and slowed until Sirius looked across the circle where the bottle had landed: Remus. Swallowing his anxiety, Sirius grinned his normal grin.

"Come here mate, I'll show you a proper kiss. Lily flower is no match for me," he said teasingly.

Remus nodded. He leaned across the circle. The kiss was very soft and careful for a split second. Just before they pulled apart, they leaned in again, kissing each other deeply. Sirius got lost in a daze, in Remus's warm lips against his. The kiss was growing feverish and Sirius lightheaded. When Jessie coughed a little, Sirius pushed Remus back to his spot, clearing his throat.

"Right then, it's your turn, Moony," Sirius managed to say.

•••

"Hey, Sirius! Can we talk?" Lily Evan asked, racing across the court yard to him. Sirius stopped on the side of the path, hands tucked into his pockets.

"Yeah...Something wrong?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Not really, it's just last night--" Lily started, Sirius's cold stare stopping her.

He held up a finger, telling her to hold on. He pulled out a cigarette. He lit it, sitting himself down on the bench as a group of students walked by. He watched his friend suppress a cough from the pungent smell of cigarette smoke. Sirius lowered his eyes to the ground.

"You once told me you didn't even know if you liked girls. You seemed so happy about Marlene that I had completely forgotten and--"

"Lily--"

"You like him, don't you?"

Sirius was silent for a moment.

He contemplated the question. God, he dreamed of that kiss last night. Remus's lips on his. And he didn't pull away. He stay and kissed him. Sirius had been the one to push him away. He had felt a million fire works inside him that night. He had since avoided Remus as much as possible. He'd broken up with Marlene who told him she liked Dorcas Meadowes. "I was trying to lie to myself," she had told him. She looked up at him seriously. "At some point we have to be honest with ourselves no matter what could happen."

He looked over at Lily, stamping out the cigarette. "Yeah."

Honesty felt good, he decided.

•••
[Published 04/08/18]
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Please note: this is unedited and partially inspired by @asktheboywholived's Snowball Effect on Tumblr! I highly recommend it. :)