REPUTATION • [j.p.] ✔️

[37]

Chapter Thirty-Seven:
Conquer

•••

THE NEWLYWED COUPLE had to cut their honeymoon in half. They still had the time of their lives pretending there wasn't a war going on around them. The couple was camped out at their last stop, sitting around their little camp fire.

Summer was slowly coming to an end, the nights were getting cooler. James had an arm wrapped around his wife who leaned her head on his shoulder. They were both coming to terms with the fact that they had to go back with the order and stop Voldemort.

"You know our child is meant to stop all of this, don't you? The war will never be over until we have Harry," she whispered to him.

"How is Harry meant to stop him? I don't understand," he frowned deeply.

"Well, I'm a few days late, maybe we'll find out soon," she grinned.

"W-what? Why didn't you tell me?" James frowned deeply.

Jessie looked down, her smile fading. "To be honest, I'm scared out of my mind."

James sighed, cupping her face. "And you think I'm not? I'm scared shitless, love. Terrified of this war, of all my friends jeopardizing themselves. I can't stand the thought of losing them. Or you."

Jessie leaned against him, heart aching. The world felt like it was crumbling down around them. She felt like there was a weight in her chest. Anxiety creeping through her veins.

This war wasn't going to end without bloodshed, they both understood that. It was just a matter of how much bloodshed was it really worth and how much it would take.

How much would it take?

•••

Jessie was home alone two weeks later. James and Sirius were sent off together on a mission, Remus was trying to make werewolf allies, and Peter was AWOL. (He'd been AWOL for a while now.)

Jessie was struggling to keep positive as the war grew more and more tense. When they returned home, they discovered that she was not pregnant. She craved a child with James as soon as possible. Firstly because she was afraid of either of them dying before they could have their Harry Potter. Secondly, she craved a child because it would end the war. And she was fully aware of how the two contradicted each other.

James tried to keep his wife going, but she was closing herself off. She took power naps every now and again, but she spent most of her nights reading while James slept next to her. Perhaps it was paranoia, or her never ending steam of thoughts that kept her up. He could never tell and he desperately wished he could.

But, as much as he worried, she wouldn't let him in.

She wouldn't even let Lily in.

This fine September morning, she sat in the kitchen waiting for the girl to arrive. Lily was meant to come over later and keep Jessie company. James insisted that she not be left alone while she was like this. As much as she was keen to argue, she didn't blame him.

Jessica Potter sipped her second cup of coffee gingerly. She had a massive headache exploding behind her eyes. She looked down at her half eaten breakfast. It wasn't anything like James would make her each morning. His was edible. And he brought it to her while she was in bed, having passed out just before his alarm. 

And as much as Jessie enjoyed her quiet time without James and the boys bustling about, she missed them all. Especially her husband. Her husband. She felt her heart swell—she got to call James freaking Potter her husband.

There was a knock on the door that startled Jessie. She glanced at the clock hanging in the kitchen; it was too early for Lily... Anxiously, she made her way toward the door. She slowly opened it, peering out into the hall.

Regulus Black sat out in the hall, watching anxiously around them. "Can I come in?"

Jessie's heart sunk, she felt sick and her palms were sweating. This was the person who drugged and raped her, the reason she held back with James so long... But she noticed his paranoid glances down the hall, his finger tapping impatiently on his leg and his foot tapping.

His eyes were bloodshot, hair wild. Who knows the last time the boy slept.

And Jessica Potter stepped aside and willingly let her biggest fear into her home. She supposed it was the only way to conquer it.  

Jessie shut the door and picked her wand up off the kitchen counter. Her hands trembled as she looked at Regulus. "What do you want?" she asked softly, her voice even.

"Jessie, what I did—"

"Do you know that we're cousins, Regulus," she asked softly, watching him fidget with his shirt.

"Yes, I do."

"Do you have any idea how sick and disgusting that is?" she hissed.

"We're Black's, Jess. Marrying our cousins is what we do! Sirius is my brother and third cousin, for crying out loud," he exclaimed.

"I'm not a Black. I never was," she growled. "I'm a Potter."

She held up her left hand with her wedding ring. She remembered the first day of school when she wasn't put in Slytherin. She felt disappointed in herself. She'd been Jessica Black, she was supposed to be Slytherin.  But she now knew that she was to be defined and restricted by her bloodline. She was defined by the ring on her finger and that mandrake leaf she held in her mouth for a month.

Regulus looked at the ring with great sorrow. "When I was little...I imagined us getting married and me getting you away from all of the darkness of our families. But I got sucked in. They hurt me and I hurt you. All I ever wanted was you safe and happy. At least one of those is now true."

Jessie felt her heart sink to her feet. It would never make up for what he did, but she would find a way to make room in her heart to pity him.

"Do you know what a condom is, Regulus?"

"A what?" he frowned.

"It's a muggle contraceptive..." Jessie said softly. "James and the others thing that when you...That you may have gotten me pregnant but I miscarried. I talked to Madame Pomfrey before I left..."

"I was almost a father?" he said in horror.

"Yes. I named them Taylor. Even though I didn't know them," she frowned down at her feet. "The love potion is what killed the baby."

Regulus sat down, his knees giving out. They sat in grieving silence before Regulus rolled up his sleeve and showed off his Dark Mark. It was red and irritated—it was a fresh mark.

"Get out of my house," she snarled.

"Please, Jessie. I'm scared out of my mind!" he begged her. "Please. I can't—he'll kill me..."

"What is it?"

"Kreacher...you remember Kreacher, don't you?" Jessie nodded. "You might want to sit back and relax, I have a long story for you."

So Jessie got them tea and food and sat down with her greater fear in her pajamas. She was a conqueror.

•••
[Published 05/23/18]
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