Addict With a Pen

Chapter XIV

// Warning: May be triggering I guess//

I spent a few more hours at Josh's before I went home. He had to get ready for work and I needed to get some more work done at home.

I walked into my dark apartment. The sudden feeling of loneliness filling my head. My heart sank for some unknown reason as the feeling became overwhelming. 'Don't cry. Tyler I swear to fucking Christ, don't start now.' I kept repeating these phrases to myself in my head, but the more i did the faster the tears came. Why was I crying? There's no need to. It didn't matter anymore as the warmth of tears came down my cheeks. I just stood in the middle of my apartment staring and crying. Silent tears dripping at a fast pace. I didn't know exactly why, but i felt paralyzed. The room seemed to spin and my mind was hazy. I began to shake slightly, I felt crazy. I suddenly let out a meek whimper from a breath i didn't know i was holding in. I rushed over to the wall and placed a hand on it afraid of falling due to the dizziness. I let my head hit it as i turned on it so my back was against the wall. I sniffled as I slid down the wall. 'You need to stop this. God you're so pathetic.' I continued to beat myself down. 'Look at yourself, you're on the floor in the dark crying. What are you a fucking child. Grow up.' I just let my mind go as i felt weaker and weaker. 'Josh will never truly love you.' As soon as the thought hit me I shot my head up and completely broke down. I was no longer trying to hide my sadness, My tears came faster and my breathing abnormal and quick in pace. I felt the room spin faster as i closed my eyes. My stomach doing flips threatening to come out my throat. I began to scratch at my eyebrow, one of my nervous habits. Why would Josh love someone so pathetic as me. I banged my head against the wall, once, twice, a third time. I repeated this action till i felt like i was going to give myself a concussion. I let my head fall into my hands as my nails continued to scratch at my brow. I laid sideways on the floor wishing for nothing except the one person that I was with only a half an hour ago. I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the spinning. Instead it aided in me falling into unconsciousness.

...

I open my eyes slowly shifting my body. I soon enough find the energy to lift myself up to lean against the wall. As i straighten my back i hear at least five different pops. I rub my eyes feeling the dried tears that reside under them. That's when the feeling comes back as if to finish what it had started. I didn't struggle this time, I just bent my leg to my chest hugging them close and crying silently to myself.

// Hey guys, Hope you like this chapter. Its a little deeper. Leave a comment on what you think so far. (Plz dont be a silent reader) Thnkz Much Luv xoxoDesi