Pathways // Gawsten [Book 2]

09 - Popping Secrets Like Candy

Geoff and Awsten don't talk about their relationship, or what they are to each other. It goes without saying that they aren't together, after all they've both got secrets from the past year. But they're something. They know the feelings they had for each other are still there, but there's the uncertainty of what they want it to be.

Awsten was still adjusting to the idea of Geoff being alive, and somehow them getting back together hadn't properly crossed his mind yet. However, he was enjoying having Geoff back and having something with him.

They hadn't kissed again yet. He's sure Otto and Grace have, if not done more (but he doesn't really want to think about that), yet it didn't bother him. This time, he didn't want to rush things. He wanted to take time with their relationship and take time for things to develop. Truthfully, Awsten wasn't sure if the feelings he had for Geoff were current, or just a memory of the year before. He didn't want to ruin things with Geoff if his feelings weren't true, and he definitely didn't want to be hurt himself.

Geoff and Awsten were laying in Geoff's bed. It's the first time either of them have been in there since the day Geoff left through the window. Grace had been keeping it clean, though. That was obvious. There was hardly any dust anywhere, and everything was unusually neat. But it was still exactly how Geoff remembered leaving it. Geoff didn't know if Awsten had been in his room since he left, as some of Awsten's things were still in there. 

Awsten's head is on Geoff's chest, and Geoff's head is reading just above Awsten's his face slightly muffled in his hair while his arm is around his waist. They both longed for this for such a long time, and neither of them would dream of letting go. They'd stay like this forever if I could. Awsten was nearly asleep when he heard Geoff speak to him,

"Candy, can you go into my bag and get my phone charger for me please?" He asks sweetly, and Awsten's heart flips at the nickname,

"Candy?" Awsten asks, raising his head and looking at Geoff,

"Cause you're so sweet and I love to have you in my mouth." Geoff smirked, and Awsten gasped, sitting up and hitting Geoff on the chest.

Awsten slid from the bed and over to Geoff's bag which was near his desk. He pulled the buckles off and began to rummage in the bag for the phone charger, taking the occasional book or other item out to find it, and by doing so he almost skips the bright orange bottle. It's so bright, and you couldn't mistake it for something else. It's obvious what it is, but Awsten isn't sure he wants to know what it's for.

It's an orange pill bottle, with Geoff's name on the side. Awsten knew he shouldn't look at it, let alone what the prescription was for; he should wait for Geoff to tell him. But he couldn't help it, and he used the excuse that he was tired of all the secrets around there.

"Geoff?" His small voice said, as he picked the bottle up in his hands. Geoff hummed slightly from where he was laying on his bed. His eyes were now closed, obviously exhausted, and he was still laid as if Awsten was there.

Using the fact Geoff was looking, Awsten twisted the bottle around in his hands, and his heart dropped to the darkest pit of his stomach when he saw what the pills were for.

"Why do you have anti depressants in your bag?" Awsten's voice was small and scared, and he daren't look back at where Geoff was. He heard Geoff gasp a little, and sit up from where he was sat.

"Awsten..." Geoff began speaking, but the second Awsten turned around his mouth closed again.

"No more secrets, Geoff... Especially not about this." Awsten swallowed the lump in his throat and looked Geoff in the eyes.

"Come here," Geoff mumbled, and patted the space next to him on the bed,
"I struggled, once I got back to Houston I mean. I struggled with leaving everything I knew behind, especially for such a shit reason. I struggled so much with dealing with it all. It was so difficult." He spoke with his head down, almost as if he was ashamed. 

"You weren't the one who thought two people were dead," Awsten said in disbelief. 

"I was the one who was getting terrorised every day in his own home by some random man." Geoff began speaking and his voice rose slightly. Awsten knew - once again - he'd crossed a line.
"I was the one who had to hand his best friend over to some random man to save YOU. I was the one sat watching everyone sob over someone dying, when I couldn't tell them they were alive. I was the one who had to leave my best friend and boyfriend behind in a different fucking continent because someone was going to kill my other best friend. I had to leave my entire life behind... You lost two people. I lost a home, and a life." 

Awsten was speechless. Tears had begun to fall down Geoff's face in both anger and sadness. Awsten had never once considered that Geoff was struggling with this at all. He never once thought about this from Geoff's point of view.

"Geoff...-" Awsten moved forward to hug Geoff, and immediately felt Geoff's shoulders begin to shake and tears soak his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry." 

He felt Geoff shake his head before he spoke,

"I'm not leaving, I promise, I promise, I'm not leaving." And Geoff kept repeating that for the rest of the night, as if he was trying to get it into his own head too.

The two eventually fell asleep under the covers in tshirts and underwear. Geoff had tired himself out from crying and they both refused to let go of each other. They both needed each other right now, and Awsten knew they'd need to talk about Geoff's anti depressants at another time too. This wasn't the end of it.

-

"Morning Geoff." Grace greeted him cheerily as she walked into the kitchen where Geoff was already sat having a coffee.

"Morning." He hummed out, voice croaking slightly. He was really feeling the after effects of crying last night, but there was nothing he could do about that now. 

Grace sat down opposite him after getting her own drink, and stared at him for a second,

"...What?" Geoff asked, quirking an eyebrow. She sighed quickly and looked behind him to see if anyone was coming.

"Are you hiding anything from us?" Grace blurted out, and Geoff froze,

"What? No, of course not!" He stuttered out. Sure, he was hiding a few things but nothing that concerned her at least. She needn't worry.

"You're lying to me." She pointed out and narrowed her eyes. Geoff swallowed slightly. He felt tiny under her glare and didn't know what to say next.

"Geoff.." She sighed, "I missed you so much. I can't do all of this again. If there's something going on, you've got to tell us." 

Geoff could tell Grace really thought something was going on, something he was hiding. He knew if he was in her position, he'd be extra cautious about things going on too. He himself didn't want a repeat of last time either.

"I promise you, you're not going to lose us again." He smiled at her warmly,
"I know things are weird right now, but we'll adjust.... Everything is fine."

Geoff saw her nod slightly, clearly not fully satisfied with the answer but she didn't have time to say anything as Awsten came down the stairs. He smiled at the sight of his two friends, and went to Geoff, sitting down in his lap and putting his head in his neck.

"Morning, Candy." Geoff whispered, and he felt Awsten press a kiss on his jawline,

"Morning, Geoff." He responded quietly. 

Grace seemed completely unphased by this, and let it happen in front of her eyes. Geoff couldn't help but think this meant something, and even though they weren't together, those feelings were all definitely still there. 

And he couldn't deny the flutter in his head when Awsten was near him or touching him. He was still so in love with this boy.