Pathways // Gawsten [Book 2]

27 - Don't Tell Your Boyfriend Pt.2

Grace had been acting weird all morning and everyone was picking up on it. From the moment Geoff and Awsten stumbled from the bunks hand-in-hand, she'd been distant and quieter than usual. Otto kept an eye on her, but he assumed it was just the hormones making her act weirder than usual, and thought nothing more of it.

As the day went on, she secluded herself, staying in her bunk away from the guys and denying their invitations for food or to go out. Awsten was more worried than anyone else, and Geoff was noticing it too. Geoff kept sneaking glances at Awsten and constantly saw him picking at his nails or biting his lip with nerves, and he couldn't understand why. 

Geoff and Otto periodically kept glancing at each other throughout the day, and texting each other theories about what was going on. None of the scenarios they were imaging seemed plausible enough. 

Today was a bad day for Grace to be acting weird, or at least it seemed like a bad day to Awsten. Awsten was paranoid people would begin to figure out they were hiding something soon. Once a week, they were able to collect any mail they had, and it meant today they could be finding out the results of the paternity test. Awsten worried his bandmates would see Grace's reaction to the letter and demand to see what it contained. 

Maybe Awsten was over reacting, but he knew what the stakes were. 

When Lucas came back on the bus with their mail in hand, he felt like he couldn't move. His every limb felt stiff and stoic, but he smiled at Lucas weakly as he handed him a letter. They all rarely got mail but when they did it wasn't usually anything important. He clenched the letter in his fist and his eyes shot over to Grace as Lucas handed her a letter.

Her face went pale slightly and Awsten immediately knew what the letter was. This was it, they were finally going to know their fate. Awsten could see Grace's chest begin to heave heavier, but she tried to contain it as much as she could. He cast his eyes away when Otto shifted over to Grace in concern,

"Are you okay?" Otto asked quietly, trying to not let anyone else on the bus hear.

"Yeah... It's a letter from the vet about Flynn and I'm just relieved it's finally here." Grace lied and gave Otto a smile. He didn't seem content but he shifted away again. Her eyes quickly darted to Awsten before she looked down at her lap in guilt.

Awsten faded away into a daydream looking out of the window, thinking about what was about to happen. Would he and Grace really be able to lie for their friends for the rest of their lives? Would he really be able to let someone else be a dad to his child? But he knew he got himself into this mess and he needed to get himself out. It was his responsibility. 

Suddenly, a hand clamped down on his shoulder and shook him slightly. His head shot up to see Geoff standing there looking down at him with furrowed eyebrows. He gave Geoff a smile before Geoff began to speak,

"Me and Otto are gonna go out for a bit... You wanna come?" Geoff asked.

Awsten immediately shook his head. He wanted to stay here with Grace and look at the results, not that he could tell Geoff that.

"I'll stay here and let you and Otto go and have fun," He said as he smiled weakly again.

Geoff nodded his head and headed over to the door which Otto was already holding open. The two said goodbye as they shut the door and as soon as they'd walked past the window, Awsten rushed over to Grace's side.

Her hands were clenched tightly on the letter and she was shaking slightly. He knew she was scared, and so was he. Their entire fate was hidden in this envelope. Awsten rested a hand on Grace's knee and heard her sniffle. He knew she wasn't sad, he knew she wasn't happy, he just knew they were both worried. 

"Whatever happens.. I'm here for you, you know that?" Awsten said quietly.

Grace was quick to nod her head as she finally looked up from the letter. Her face was paler than he'd ever seen it, and it was a wonder how the tears in her eyes weren't overflowing,

"Are you sure, if it is yours, you'd be willing to not be a parent? Because I don't want you to do that if you don't want to." Grace said softly,

Awsten thought about it. He'd spent a lot of time thinking, and he knew that giving up his child would kill him. He knew that with every inch of his body he wanted to father his child. But he knew that he couldn't tear apart his friends, and this sacrifice was something he was going to have to do. He loved his friends, and he couldn't ruin their lives because of his mistake.

With pain filling his heart and tears filling his eyes, he nodded. 

"I'm sure," He choked out. Grace gave him a concerned look but he just nodded and she began to tear open the letter.

It seemed like forever as he watched her read the letter, as if time was purposely slowing down to prolong his torture. But it all ended when tears began to cascade down her face.

Grace covered her mouth with her hand as sobs shook through her entire body. Awsten didn't know what to do, and he didn't know what the letter said. He slowly reached across and took the letter from her hands, her grip immediately letting go. His eyes scanned through the letter and soon tears began to dance down his own face. 

He kept his eyes trained on the letter, letting the information sink into his brain,

"Awsten Knight : Not a paternal match." 

He didn't know if he should feel relief or sadness. Relief knowing he didn't get his best friend's girlfriend pregnant, or sadness knowing his maybe-only chance of being a biological father was gone. A part of him felt like he'd lost something he never really had.

Grace knocked Awsten out of his thoughts by pushing herself forward into him and gripping him tightly. The letter fell from Awsten's hand and he quickly pulled her into a tighter grip. Both of them cried into each other, and Awsten felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt protective of Grace, like he had to keep her safe. Her and the baby. And he would, because if Otto ever found out that he might not have been the father, it would be the end of everything.

After a few more minutes, the crying had died down but they didn't let go of one another. It was almost as if this was their final goodbye to each other, saying goodbye to the life they had without Geoff and Otto. They'd never really separated themselves from it, but now they had. And it felt good.

"I'm gonna go put this somewhere hidden," Awsten sniffled out, wiping his eyes and picking the letter up,

"Okay," Grace said and Awsten began to walk away before she stopped him, "I'm sorry you're not the father." 

Awsten raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" 

"Because you'd be a great father. And I know you; you're unsure if you'll ever have your own biological children... I think you'd be an amazing parent, and even if you don't want to admit it, I know a part of you wanted this." She said, smiling up at him. 

Awsten didn't respond and just smiled back before walking into the bunks. Just as he was about to put the letter away, he heard his phone buzz from his bunk. He put the letter in his bunk and reached for his phone, opening it to see a text from Geoff.

"Geoffy sent a message : I know you're not a fan of jewellery, but since we lost the charm for your necklace, I bought you another xxx"

Awsten smiled as warmth filled his chest. He texted Geoff back and walked back into the main room, completely forgetting about the letter which was just laying in his bunk.