Pathways // Gawsten [Book 2]

18 - Music To My Heart

The sun shone through the window directly into Geoff's eyes early that morning. It was a bright, albeit cold, day and being woken up nicely by the sun was exactly what he needed right now. The warmth hit his face rousing him awake. His eyes fluttered open slowly and noticed the curtains were pulled open, letting the sunlight lighten the entire room.

"Morning," Awsten whispered, noticing Geoff was no longer asleep.

Geoff slowly turned around so he was laying on his other shoulder and was met with Awsten sat up in bed on his MacBook. The sunlight hit Awsten perfectly, and for moments Geoff was in awe of how he looked. The two had spent some nights together since being reunited, but not all. It was a difficult transition to make, even though they'd both spent some time sleeping in the same bed as another person in their time apart. For both of them, it was hard to wrap their heads around that they had each other back, that the person next to them was actually here. 

Geoff propped himself up on his elbow so he was more level with Awsten. He briefly glanced at the computer screen and noticed there were multiple music tracks open. It was then he also noticed the earphones around Awsten's neck.

"Morning... Why are you awake so early?" Geoff asked, and Awsten fawned inwardly at the sound of his morning voice. It had always been a weakness of his, and it was one of the biggest things he had missed about Geoff. 

"Jet woke me up a while ago, and it looked bright outside so I opened the curtains and tried to enjoy it," Awsten smiled.

He looked to the end of the bed and saw not only Jet, but Caspar on the floor too. He couldn't understand how he hadn't noticed two of their animals making their way into their room but he supposed he'd just been sleeping very heavy.

"What are you doing on your computer?" Geoff yawned and sat up, stretching over to check his phone. There were a few notifications, a few texts (one particular one from Otto asking where they kept the condoms, and his face flushed at Otto's contact name in his phone, reminding himself to change that as soon as he could) and a couple missed calls, but nothing of importance. 

"These are demos I wrote after we moved to London and while you were gone," Awsten sighed, "Though I never submitted them."

"Why?" Geoff asked,

"I never wanted to do this on my own. And whenever the time came for me to submit one, it always felt like it was too soon." Awsten smiled weakly. He was getting over it, of course, but it was taking time. It didn't sting as much as it used to. 

Geoff hummed and looked over at the computer screen. The track Awsten was currently listening to was called "Lucky People" and Geoff was sure he'd never heard this one before. Awsten noticed Geoff looking at the screen and unplugged the headphones, leaning over to place them on the nightstand. He then took the track to the beginning and played it out loud without saying anything to Geoff. 

The first thing Geoff noted was that it was just guitar playing, it was so simple, and that there wasn't a lot of harmonies.

"I didn't want to keep those "oh's" in the final version... I wanted it to be as raw as possible," Awsten said quietly, noticing Geoff staring intently at the screen.

 As soon as the song ended, Geoff looked up at Awsten with wide glossy eyes and Awsten awed at him,

"Geoff are you tearing up?" Awsten said while giggling slightly. Geoff scoffed and wiped his eyes,

"What? No!" He defended but sighed when he saw the look on Awsten's face, "It was just so cute!" Geoff whined.

"I wrote that song after our first date," Awsten mumbled and Geoff swore he could feel his heart melt, "But this is the first time I've listened to it since you left,"

Geoff swallowed and Awsten quickly closed the track down and shut his laptop, leaning over again to place it on his nightstand. Geoff noticed Awsten linger a little too long when leaning over, and grabbed his upper arm. Awsten's head hung slightly before he turned back to Geoff. It was obvious that the song had a sad effect on Awsten, and Geoff had this gnawing feeling he knew why.

"You know I'm never leaving again, right?" Geoff said softly, moving his hand to intertwine his fingers with Awsten's. He saw Awsten nod faintly,

"I know... But those songs I wrote about you and while you were gone, the pain I felt runs through the veins of those lyrics and I don't know if that will ever change," Awsten whispered.

Geoff felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach, and he felt a small annoyance grow in the back of his mind. He wished they could try get over this, but he knew how much pain they all went through. 

"If those songs are tainted, then we write new songs," Geoff said as he squeezed Awsten's hand, "Or we turn them around... Change the meaning of them entirely, almost as if it's a letter to someone coming back?" 

Awsten just shook his head and shuffled down the bed to put his head on Geoff's chest. Geoff knew at times like these it was best to leave Awsten in his head with his own thoughts and he would shake himself out of it. Jet perked up at Awsten moving, and walked over to Awsten before leaning down in his arms and nuzzling up to him. It seemed like Jet had been doing this a lot while Geoff and Otto were away. 

Geoff leant down to place a kiss on Awsten's head and he felt Awsten squeeze his hand. Then, he leant over to his nightstand and picked up his phone, before going into his voice memos and playing a track called 11:11. It was obvious it had been done quickly, and Awsten could hear every squeak in Geoff's voice, but his heart warmed as he listened. 

The track ensured in him that Geoff was only distanced from him, never really gone. And he was always thinking about him. Awsten smiled and looked up at Geoff, who smiled back down at him. When he looked back at the phone, he noticed about 10 other demos and excitedly asked him to play another one.

The rest of the morning - and the early afternoon - Geoff and Awsten spent their time laying in bed with each other, Jet, and later Caspar, just listening to each others demos. In each demo Geoff showed Awsten, he could see the development and emotion Geoff went through, and he felt some pride seep through him. Geoff had always been too nervous to make and write music by himself, but he'd somehow overcome it. In each demo Awsten showed Geoff, he felt nothing but pride and adoration for the boy. He was all his, all his talent and beauty.

"Let's make this the best album yet, okay?" Awsten whispered with a smile as the demo song played in the background. Geoff just smiled and kissed him softly.

If only they had all been honest with each other.