Pathways // Gawsten [Book 2]

25 - Don't Tell Your Boyfriend

Grace and Awsten had been acting weird and no one could deny it. No one could explain it either. Geoff thought Awsten might be acting weird due to getting into the swing of shows again, and he put Grace's behaviour down to the pregnancy, but both him and Otto were completely oblivious to what was going on right in front of them. 

There had been many hushed conversations between the two about what they were going to do; were they going to lie, tell the truth? Neither of them had any idea what to do. Neither of them had ever expected this to be an issue. 

Awsten was worried, now more than ever. When he and Grace stopped sleeping together, he freaked out a lot wondering if Geoff and Otto were ever going to find out but over time he'd come to the conclusion that they never would. But now there was a possibility he had gotten Grace pregnant, he was freaking out. His relationship was about to be ruined, one that he'd already lost and worked so hard to get back. Not to mention Otto and Grace.

That night, everyone decided to go out. Awsten had told Otto he would stay back with Grace so Otto could actually leave the bus, since he'd been spending so much time taking care of her. Otto was thankful and left without another thought. The second their friends were off the bus, he walked over to Grace's bunk and swung the curtain open.

"We need to talk." He stated, and held a hand out for her so she could get out of the bunk,

"I'm pregnant, not incapable." She muttered, but took his hand anyway, hoisting herself out of the bunk.

The two walked into the main room and Awsten poured them both some orange juice out, and handed one to Grace as he sat down next to her on the couch,

"So what did you want to talk about?" Grace asked, sipping her drink.

"We need to figure out if we're going to tell everyone the truth or just lie," Awsten sighed and put his drink down on the ledge behind them. 

"We've made a lot of mistakes, Awsten," Grace pointed out," And I don't know how to get out of this one... I'm not too keen on lying to either of you about who the father is and it's not like we can wait until they're born and grow up." 

Grace hung her head in thought, thinking of a way to handle this. It was silent between the two before Awsten had an idea,

"Get a secret paternity test." He suggested, making Grace's head shoot up,

"That's a brilliant idea!" She smiled, "But that still leaves one thing we need to figure out." 

"What?" Awsten asked, confused,

"If you're the father, what do we tell Otto? Do we lie, tell him he's the father and condemn you to a life without your child... Or tell him, and possibly ruin the band and our lives." Grace muttered, not happy with the other option.

Awsten sighed. He'd been thinking about this for a while, and he knew what he had to do. He knew that for life to be normal, sacrifices had to be made. For people to be safe and happy, you had to sacrifice something. This was his time to sacrifice.

"This past year has been hell, and we've gone through a whole lot trying to get our lives back," Awsten swallowed, suddenly finding it very hard to speak, "If the child is mine, you tell Otto it's his." 

Grace tried to interrupt him but Awsten quickly shushed her,

"Me and Otto are close, I'll still see the child... Even though I won't be a father to my own child, it's okay." Awsten smiled through tears he suddenly knew he had pooling in his eyes,

"It's not okay, Awsten." Grace whispered but Awsten just shook his head,

"You're right, we made mistakes. Ruining Otto's life is not going to be one of them... Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, and this is my sacrifice." He choked out. 

"Aws..." Grace said softly as she reached over and held his hand,

"We were never meant to have a child, Grace. So if it is mine..." Awsten breathed heavily, "You pretend it isn't and Otto never finds out about any of this. You need to promise me."

Grace looked Awsten in the eyes and saw the tears prickling them. Never in her time of knowing Awsten had she admired him more than she did now. He was willing to give up being a father just so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Sure, maybe lying was better than telling the truth, but it was going to hurt less people. 

Grace leaned across and hugged Awsten tightly, whispering thanks' in his ear over and over. She felt a few tears drip onto her shoulder, and just held him tighter.

Even Awsten knew this was going to be hard if the child was his. Watching someone else father your child, and having your child be just that little bit out of reach. At least, if the child was his, he would get to see them grow up and have a good life instead of wondering how they were doing. In his head, he could pretend a little. And if he couldn't handle it, he would have to remind himself that he chose this; Grace didn't make him do it. He chose to give that life away for the greater good.

They both knew that no one could ever know about this. No one could ever know they'd been sleeping together (except Jawn who had known all along) or that Grace was getting a paternity test. No one could ever know they were lying to everyone and still keeping secrets. It was too much of a risk.

"We should go now and get that test done," Grace suggested, pulling away from Awsten and watching him wipe his eyes, "There's a clinic a few minutes away... We could be back before everyone else is." 

Awsten nodded and stood up, taking their glasses and putting them in the sink.

"Let's go." 

With that, the two left the bus to try and solve what was soon going to be a scandal. Neither of them knew what was going to be the result of this, and neither of them knew what they wanted the result to be. They just hoped they could keep it a secret.