Pathways // Gawsten [Book 2]

23 - Gloom Boys

It was their first day off they'd had yet, and they were basking in it. It was both a curse and a blessing. A day off meant they got to go site seeing and spend the day relaxing, but it also meant they had no show to play which often lead to boredom. It was already around midday and none of the band members or Grace had risen from their bunks, although the couples had found each other.

Grace was taking a napping day, sleeping at every convenience and Otto was happy to just watch her rest peacefully while browsing through baby clothes. Awsten and Geoff were quietly chatting, not wanting to wake Grace or have anyone else hear them. 

Awsten skipped the song playing on his iPhone and looked across at Geoff who was completely spaced out. Awsten had noticed that Geoff had been acting weird all day, as if he was sad or just distracted somewhat. He didn't know what was wrong; nothing had happened while they'd been on tour that he knew of, and he didn't know what could be getting Geoff down.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Awsten asked softly, reaching across to tentatively touch Geoff's cheek. Geoff's eyes shot up to meet Awsten's and he gave him a weak smile,

"Nothing, just thinking," He muttered in response, casting his gaze back down,

"What about?", Awsten pried, "You seem sad." 

Geoff reached up to hold Awsten's hand, taking it from his cheek. He stroked the back of Awsten's hand with his thumb as he sighed. No more keeping secrets or hiding feelings, right?

"Leaving the house again brought up a lot of feelings I'd tried to suppress." Geoff admitted, and a guilty look dawned on his face.

Realisation hit Awsten as he knew this was the first time Geoff had been away from the house since he got back from Houston. He couldn't imagine how Geoff was feeling or what it was like, and he knew it must have unearthed some buried feelings.

"Feelings like what?" Awsten asked, squeezing Geoff's hand,

Geoff hesitated before answering, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say what needed to be said,

"Leaving was the best and worst thing I ever did..." Geoff sighed, "I love change, you know I do, and I loved getting back to Houston and knowing Otto was okay and I got to leave my problems behind, but..." 

Geoff paused and he clenched his eyes shut. He'd never told anyone this, and truthfully Geoff didn't think it was going to be as hard as it was. What happened was a long time ago, but Geoff knew deep down it was going to take him forever and a half to get over it,

"But what?" Awsten whispered,

"I left my problems but I also left you... and it nearly killed me." Geoff whimpered.

Awsten would never understand what Geoff meant or what Geoff went through in Houston, but Geoff was right; leaving did nearly kill Geoff in a more literal sense than Awsten would ever know. 

"Oh, Geoff..." Awsten trailed off, but Geoff began speaking again.

"I had to choose between the love of my life and saving my best friend and I spent every day wondering if I made the right decision... But I know I did make the right choice." Geoff swallowed as he looked into Awsten's eyes.

Awsten had an unreadable expression on his face, as if he was taking it all in and processing it. If this was the time for honesty, it was time he spoke his own truths.

"I hated you for a long time." Awsten admitted, "I didn't know if you were dead or alive, but I hated you... You left in the middle of an argument without saying goodbye... You'd lied about someone being dead and I had no other feelings left but hate," 

Geoff tried to blink away the tears in his eyes,

"Do you still hate me now?" He choked out, and Awsten shook his head quickly, propping himself up on his elbow.

"God, no... I'm so in love with you, words cannot even describe my feelings for you. I could never feel anything but love towards you," Awsten whispered.

Geoff nodded as a stray tear fell down his face. It wasn't usual for Geoff to get emotional, but he'd spent so long bottling things up that it was time he let it out. Geoff pushed his head into Awsten's chest and let Awsten hold him for a while as each others word sunk in. 

They both meant what they said, but it didn't change anything. They both knew they were in love with each other, and nothing could ever take that away from them.

A few minutes later, the silence was over taking them. Geoff had let his tears run dry and was now listening to the sound of Awsten's heart beat and fumbling his hands in the material of Awsten's jumper. They could hear whispers from Otto and Grace's bunk, but couldn't make out what they were saying. 

"Can we watch a video of you playing Lucky People?" Geoff blurted out quietly, making Awsten jump slightly,

Awsten nodded with a smile on his face and pulled his phone out from underneath his pillow, opening youtube and finding the most recent video from a few nights ago. He turned the volume down so it was a nice level in their earphones which they were sharing, and turned the screen more towards Geoff so Geoff could watch it.

He watched in such awe, Awsten noticed. Like this was his oxygen and he needed it to survive. Awsten wondered when he got so lucky to have someone like Geoff by his side. 

"I could watch you play this song forever," Geoff whispered with a smile on his face, tearing his eyes away so he could look at Awsten. Awsten glanced down at Geoff and replied,

"I could play you this song forever," 

Once the song finished, Geoff clicked on a video from one of their tours a few years ago, back when they still handed out tickets on the streets. It was so weird for them to look back on this and know how far they've come.

Somehow, after watching a few old videos, they wound up on Lucky People again, but this time it was Awsten who was watching intently.

"What if we put Lucky People on the album?" Awsten asked, and a wide smile graced Geoff's face.

"I would love that so much," Geoff gleamed, and leaned up to kiss Awsten's cheek.

Everything was going okay for everyone, and they all seemed happy. The day went on with them all only leaving their bunks for the bathroom or food - or in Grace's case, throw up - and for the first time, they found themselves thankful they had such a boring day off.