A Letter a Day (Sequel to Broken but Mended)

The snow covered everything at camp, and it was cold, but I didn't mind. There were no more bright and sunny days because of the winter weather. It almost made me happy. Everything was either white or grey, there was no inbetween. The only thing that actually brought a little color to the camp were the few campers that stayed year round. I was one of them. I could go live in the underworld with my dad, but I had already tried that and the only thing I did was look for, him.

He is impossible to find. I looked everywhere, but somehow he stays hiden. My dad knows where he is, but he won't tell me.

It's the beginning of December, so most of the campers are in a festive mood and are ready for Christmas. I'm not. I could care less about the stupid holiday. Merry Christmas yay fun! No. For me, every time I think about it I just think of it as the Christmas I could have spent with him. I'm never going to have Christmas with him though, because he is dead.

I've been really lonely without him. I just kind of stopped talking after my melt down in Bunker 9, four and a half months ago. I stopped caring about what other people were telling me, I stopped listening to Hazel when she tried to get me to do something, I just stopped trying. Everything just felt like it was taken away from me. Like the thing that keeps me going was ripped out of my hands, which it kind of was.

Hazel, Frank, Percy, Annabeth, Jason, and Piper all stayed here at camp to kind of keep me sane I guess. They usually spend a lot of time watching me, Hazel watching to make sure that I eat, Percy and Jason watch to make sure that I don't break down, Annabeth watches to make sure that I don't have angry outbursts, and Piper and Frank just watch to see if I need any help. The only help I need is help getting him back.

Hazel tries to get me to talk, but each attempt fails. They all try to hug me sometimes, but I just push them away with enough force to make sure that they get the message to stay away. Honestly I just want them all to leave me alone. I want everything to just go away, the only thing that I want right now is him. I want him to hold me when I have my nightmares, which have been getting worse, I want to be able to hug him, I just want him.

I was sitting on the beach, snow falling and leaving a blanket of white everywhere. I wasn't wearing a jacket. I don't care if I get sick. The water was still and the sky was grey, but I didn't mind. I actually liked it. It was very quiet, the only thing I could hear was the sounds of some laughter from a group of campers walking around. I feel like I'm the only person here who just doesn't feel like having fun, which of course I am.

I felt someones hand resting on my shoulder. I looked over and saw Frank sitting down next to me.

"Hazel is really worried about you Nico." Frank said. I looked back at the calm water, not responding to Frank. "She knows that you are upset Nico, but you really should talk to her, or any of us, just say something to us so that we know you are still, okay." I still didn't say anything. "Really? It was like four months ago Nico! Just let him go. He's dead, there is nothing you can do to change that!" Frank snapped, obviously annoyed. He stood up and started to walk away. I watched him as he walked away and saw Percy walk past Frank. "Percy don't even bother with him. You're never going to get anywhere with him. He's just a lost cause." I heard Frank say to Percy.

"Nico you should be wearing a jacket, it's cold." Percy said. Now I have two Hazel's, great. "Nico, please say something." I shook my head. "You have to say something. Hazel really wants you to talk again." Not everyone gets what they want, I want him back, but that can't happen. "Why are you doing this Nico? This silence thing, I don't understand." I don't talk because the only person I want to talk to is him. "Leo's gone Nico, I'm sorry but you just, you can't live the rest of your life pouting about how he isn't here anymore." I cringed at his name. I stood up and started walking away. Percy followed.

"You can't just walk away Nico. Come on just talk please. I get it, you are upset, but please talk." Percy begged. I stopped walking. I turned around to face Percy and looked him right in the eyes. The next thing I knew, my fist made contact with his face. I didn't mean to punch him, but I really wanted him to shut up. He cursed a few times before looking at me. "What the fuck Nico?!" Percy yelled. I simply just turned and walked away. Percy didn't follow me, which is good considering the fact that I really don't want to see him, or any other person at the moment.

I walked around camp with my hands in my pockets. I looked at all the smiling, happy campers that stayed all year. None of them seemed to care anymore that he was dead. They all got over it quickly, even his siblings. I guess it's because they weren't very close to him. His brothers and sisters all apologized for being so rude to me. I just shrugged and moved on. I looked around at all the cabins, they had all been decorated for Christmas. Christmas wasn't for another tweny-two days, but everyone was do excited that they acted like it was tomorrow.

Everyone has started this thing here at camp where we decorate a tree and put it under the dining pavilion, and everyone makes something for someone. Then, on Christmas everyone opens their gift. It's kind of like a secret santa thing. The only part I enjoyed was watching everyone decorate the tree with weird things. No one has ever made me anything for Christmas. I was kind of hoping that this year I'd be able to make him something nice and put it under the tree for him, but that can't happen.

Even though he is dead, I still write him a letter a day. He had started that a while ago as sort of "our thing", and I just wanted to continue writing him letters even though he will never see them. He left me one last letter when he died, but I haven't opened it. I just look at it. Part of me wants to know what he wrote, but at the same time another part of me just doesn't want to know. Hazel says that if I read it I might have a sense of closer, but I don't see how reading a letter will help. I was actually thinking of reading it on Christmas day, but I don't think I will.

He killed himself. I'm not going to say how, because honestly I really don't know myself and I don't really want to know either. Hazel said that it was in the most painless way possible, so I'm guessing it was an overdose. I don't know why he did it. Actually that is a lie, I know exactly why he did it. He was constantly getting beat up by a group of ass holes here at camp, he always felt guilty of his moms death, and he just wasn't happy. I had promised him that I would fix him. I didn't do that though. A few times I had told myself that he did it because of me, but honestly I don't think he did. His mind just simply took over.

I walked into my cabin and kicked off my shoes. Hazel stood up from her bed, but I held out a hand signaling for her to just leave me alone. I grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper and started writing todays letter.

Hazel thinks I shouldn't write him letters anymore. She tells me that it isn't going to help me cope with his death, but it isn't her choice of whether or not I still write him letters. Hazel thinks that what I need to do is read the letter that he left me, and then I will feel better. I don't think that would work though. Writing letters for him helps me feel like he is still here. It helps me feel like he will go to Bunker 9 every night, find the letter on his desk and pick it up and read it. The only thing that reminds me that he isn't going to read them, is that every night when I go and put the letter on his desk, I always see the untouched stacks of letters that I wrote for him. Part of me always thinks that he is just busy working on some project, that he will come back to his desk one night and read them, but the other part of me knows that he is never going to read them, that I'm just wasting my time by writing them.

Honestly, now I'm just waiting for him to write back.

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A/N Hey!! So this is sort of the first chapter type thing to the sequel of Broken but Mended! I am very excited to write this because I have a pretty good idea for it! And I know that it is nowhere near Christmas time yet, but my plot for this kind of runs off of Christmas haha. Sooo please tell me what you think!!! Bye!