kiss me through the phone ☾max mills

34 | terrified

[ PART TWO ]
s a d i e

☾l

fear curled up inside of me and clung to my ribs, settling uncomfortably in my chest.
i didn't doubt that the feeling was there to stay, reminding me of its existence every time i opened my mouth to breathe.
knowing that my dad was locked away brought a sense of peace into my life.
i knew my biggest fear couldn't reach me, at least for a while.
but finding out he was soon to be let out opened some sort of flood gate in my brain, and all of the memories, all of the pain he has caused, it all came flooding back.
" what? how? how is that possible? your dad is meant to be locked up for ages! i don't un- " max rambles furiously, pacing the room, talking more to himself than me.
" max! " i cut him off, " i know what you mean, okay, he should be locked away, but apparently he showed quick signs of improvement after cutting alcohol out of his life. he agreed that he wasn't a suitable guardian for me and told the police to send me to live with my aunt. she doesn't live too far away and i'd still be going to the same school unfortunately, but before i go, i have to go and see him. they think if he's really recovered, seeing me could help him "
" no. no! sadie this man, he may be your father but he's caused you so much mental damage and seeing him is not what you need right now! " max exclaims, his eyebrows knitted with worry as he looks me straight in the eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort.
" i have to do this, max. i need to close this chapter in my life in order to move on. besides, i'm not living with him. he's not even being fully released yet. they're letting him out for a few days at a time whilst he wears a tag. depending on how well he does will determine if he is allowed out full time " i explain.
max sits beside me on the bed, taking my hands in his, " are you sure about this? "
i nod as max let's out a sigh, " alright, but i'm coming with you "
" no, max, i'll be okay. there will be police just outside the door. please let me to this by myself " i plead.
" there's no way in hell im letting you walk into that building alone! "
" that's not your decision to make! you've only recently decided you wanted to be part of my life and that doesn't mean you can go making decisions for me! this is my dad, my life, not yours! " i shout, as i pull my hands from max's grasp and stand up abruptly from the bed.
" fine then! go ahead! see if i care! " max yells back, his pitch of voice increasing to a louder rate than mine.
" i will! " i yell back, walking out of the room and closing the door behind me, tears brimming my water line.
this was the first time me and max had ever gotten into a fight and, quite frankly, i was terrified.
it reminded me of the times in the past when he would push me around and call me all these dastardly things that caused my self esteem to plummet to the ground.

☾

paralyzed in fear, the scent of perturbation invaded the room.
my terrorized feet refused to move and all my hands agreed to do was cover my frightened face.
i've never wanted to be so safe in my life.
i cough.
immediately, my cough echoes, with my cough constantly repeated, quieter every time through the dark and gloomy room.

the door swung open and in came my dad, handcuffs applied onto his wrists.
he sat in the seat opposite as the police guard waited outside.
silence fills the room as both of us stare down at the table.
i open my mouth to say something but he begins before i can squeeze a word out.
" i'm sorry, sadie " he mutters, raising his head to look at me, " for being a terrible father when things got tough "
" it's okay dad " i whisper, when really, i wasn't telling the truth.
it wasn't okay.
i can't even blame it on the alcohol anymore because a real father would have supported his daughter after the death of her mother and not gone off the rails.
" it's not sadie, i was a terrible father and i really am trying to improve. your mother would be so disappointed in me, heck, i'm disappointed in me. once i've fully recovered, i promise, i'm going to be a good father once again " he assures me, however, i struggle to believe him.
he's done it once and he can do it again.
i was terrified for the day i'd move back in with him.
terrified.

•••
wassupppp
i go back to school on monday welp
i have a history essay to write and i can't be bothered
someone save me
i just want to watch a series of unfortunate events and fangirl over klaus baudelaire, is that too much to ask 🤧🤧🤧
- amelia