kiss me through the phone ☾max mills

32 | alone

[ PART TWO ]
s a d i e

☾

loneliness eats you alive, swallowing every ounce of hope you had yet to spare.
it feasts upon any happiness you have left, leaving behind an empty carcass; full of despair and memories you can't seem to hold onto anymore.
it takes your heart into its claws, squeezing out every bit of life you had circulating throughout your opaque veins.
it craves for you to suffer a life without any warm hands embracing you, or any shoulders to go cry upon.
this beast wants you to only feel those cold fingertips tracing your soul, getting close to you, yet leaving in the end; abandoning you, once more, for this beast is something you should be afraid of because you have no power over it.

as i watched josh walk off into the distance, i realised that's its not the people that leave, it's me who is pushing them away.
max especially.
he's trying his hardest to be there for me and all i'm doing is hiding things from him and pretending everything's okay.
i've never had anyone like that before, anyone who's wanted to be there.
in a way, i guess i'm scared to let him in.
everyone i've ever let in has hurt me.
my dad.
finn.
the list goes on.
my heart has been broken many times before and i'm scared of it happening once again.

"hey, sunshine " i hear the all too familiar voice of max mills say, almost as if on que.
i look up at him and half smile.
he makes his way over and places himself on the floor next to me.
we both lean our backs up against the brick wall behind and look out into the distance.
" when josh turned up alone, i knew something was up, " he begins, " then when he told me i'd find you here, i was a little shocked "
i don't reply.
or look at him.
i just sit there, emotionless.
" why didn't you tell me sadie? i'm here for you, all you have to do is let me in " he says, his voice soft and clam.
he wasn't angry.
not at all.
he's not the same person i knew before this whole anonymous thing.
he's different.
he's changed.
he changed for me.
he's amazing and doesn't deserve to be treated this way.
i don't deserve him.
" i'm sorry " i say, my eyes still fixed onto the ground, " i was just...i don't know. i didn't want you to worry "
" i could've helped you sadie, i want to help "
" but why? "
" what? " he asks.
this time i turn my head to face him, our eyes meeting immediately.
" why are you being so nice to me, and helping me? "
he turns his body so that we were now fully opposite each other, and he takes my hands in his.
" i realized once more the suffering you had to go through, and i can't believe you made it out alive. because i can't take it, i can't bear the fact that this world messed you up so bad you can't believe someone loves you " he says, looking me directly in the eyes.
" i can't believe someone like you can love me, because i don't deserve it," i whisper.
" let's make things clear here and now: the one that doesn't deserve being lucky here is me. and with you i hit the bloody jackpot, so don't tell me again that you can't believe me, because you're a miracle and i thank the universe everyday not only for having you in my life, but for letting you keep going with the shit you had to face all alone." he smiles, caressing my face, " you're not alone anymore. and you'll never be again. i love you, sadie ".
his words took me by surprise but nonetheless, i love him.
he loves me.
and my next words came out of my mouth easily as if they were made to be spoken to him.
" i love you too "

•••
OoOooOoOoOo
madie cuteness.
enjoy.
- amelia