-yet to be titled-

Merry Christmas

A week passes. Maria and I haven't spoken a word to each other since the day of the storm. Which I guess can be considered a good thing. At least she isn't yelling at me during band. Of course she isn't exactly smiling either. In all honesty I think she's avoiding me. We never seem to be in the same place at once. I just wish I could talk to her...
Oddly enough I find myself missing her. I don't really know how to explain it. I find myself starring at her at the weirdest times. Like when she gets really into a particularly fun piece of music. Or when she scrunches her nose while trying to remember an answer on a test. I think of her at the most random times.
I used to be scared of thunderstorms but now, I find them comforting. I must sound crazy. I don't know what's going on with me.

My pen runs out of ink at 3:56am
Another night no sleep.

Snow, instead of rain, has started falling. Winter is my favorite season, despite what it does to my mental health. I think snow is magical. A dark magic. It's fascinating.
We got a one at band festival. As soon as they announced it Maria shot straight in the air and cheered so loud. Actually the whole band stood up, but I didn't notice at first. All I could see was her smiling and laughing. She makes me like watching people smile again. How dare she.
What is happening to me. When we were loading up the instruments I walked over to her to congratulate her. She saw me but walked away. It felt like a slap. I then spent the next three days thinking about that moment. Does she really hate me? I mean I thought we were moving past that. At lest I had hoped. I need to stop.
In other news I've been making friends with one of the drum majors. His name is Simon. We honestly only stared talking because we both suffer from an unhealthy addiction to books. But non the less I'm glad to have someone to talk to about them. Lilly doesn't really read. Lilly doesn't really do much of anything lately. Including talking to me. Whatever.

"I know right! I can't believe it was an angel the whole time!"
"Oh my god the wedding! I can't believe she almost married him!" I squeal.
The practice room is freezing. Simon and I are huddled in a corner discussing our latest book theories while trying to tune out the band class we're skipping.
"It would have been horrendous." He chuckles. "I hope she goes for Will in the next one."
"Right! That's what I'm saying! At least he has a sense of humor. Unlike Henry who is so dull and serious."
"'I'm Henry and I have a serious problem. It's serious so there must not be any laughing EVER. Because I'm serious.'" He imitates it in his best Darth Vader voice and I erupt in laughter. "What it's true!" Laughing with me.
We're close for only really knowing each other for two and a half weeks. Usually I don't let people in that quickly. Of course, it's easy to talk to him. All we really talk about is books. He's also hilarious and always has something to talk about no matter what.
I wipe at my eyes, watery from laughing so hard.
"Hey. You know I'm having a New Years party over break. You could come if you want." He looks away quickly, stuttering. "Of course you know you don't have to, and like I wouldn't expect anything- not that you would think I would- I just mean I want you to feel comfortable."
"I'd love to come, Simon. Really." I sigh noticing the time and stand up. "It would be nice to meet some new people and loosen up a little for once. Sometimes I feel like an old lady stuck in my bedroom." He chuckles. "Well, we should get back in there before Mr. Bam notices."

When Winter break finally rolls around I'm a ball of anxiety. I still haven't spoken to Maria. But I'm going to. I want to. I feel as though I need to thank her for grounding me that day of the storm. For making sure I didn't do something stupid. Only one more hour.
I spend the entire block hyping myself up. Why is this so hard. You're just telling her thanks. Why does it need to be an ordeal.
"Okay, you may pack up. Have a great break." EIGHTY MINUTES PASSED ALREADY? I put my flute away in thirty seconds flat and sit nervously chewing my lip, waiting for my opportunity.
The second she steps away from her friends I bolt up, an action which causes quite a few odd glances.
My heart is hammering in my chest and I'm sweating. What is wrong with me?
She heads for the instrument storage room and I lose a breath I didn't even realize I had been holding. I feel my body carry me toward the spot where she was just standing and through the doors she had just walked through. Into the small musky closet filled with instruments. Oh shit. Wait what will I say?
I'm through the door.
Face to face. Wide eyes.
"Uh-hi- I" I laugh nervously and her face reddens.
"Uh hi..?"
"Um. I don't even- haha. I was just going to say, hm... I can't seem to remember- er." My eyes dart around the room trying to find somewhere to focus besides her crosses arms.
"What are you trying to say..?"
I spot a Santa Clause hat wadded in the corner on the floor. "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" I shout in her face and smack myself on the forehead.
She bursts into laughter.
It's contagious and I can't help but laugh with her. Why am I such an idiot.
"Merry Christmas, Gabriella." She says in between giggles. "Have a happy break." She shakes her head and steps around me, still smiling. Cheeks as read as that fucking hat.
The door to the storage room open as soon as it closes.
"Gabbie..? We uh-heard some... yelling?" Lilly looks worried. My face feels like it's on fire.
"Merry Christmas? MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS??" I laugh uncontrollably and Lilly's hand shoots to her mouth. Giggling. "Oh my god. What is wrong with me?"