Beat Of My Heart

Verse Nine

I felt a pounding deep within my skull, not knowing how or when the pain had gotten there but I knew one thing: I needed to get it to stop. 

I looked around at my surroundings and couldn't identify where I was. 

Everything was dark and dreary, no light filtering in from anywhere around me. 

"I'm sorry," I heard a sad, soft whimper cry out to me in the darkness. 

"What?" I asked, it sounded like a girl. 

"He made me do it.  He said he'd do the same thing to me if I didn't do it for him..." she said, the tears evident in her voice cracking even if I couldn't see her face.  She sounded familiar though, we definitely went to school together. 

"What happened?" I asked her, desperate for some kind of answers, anything to explain where I was and what I was doing there. 

"Dylan punched you and when he saw that he knocked you out with one punch, he got angry, said you deserved more pain than that and he didn't want to hit you if you couldn't put up a fight, said that was too boring.  So he called me and he...he-"

"He did what?" I impatiently implored her, needing to know what had been done to me.  I didn't feel like anything was wrong with my body aside from my pounding head from where he'd punched me.  I was sure my eye would be swollen and I would have a black eye. 

"He made me take your phone.  We used your thumb to open it since you were passed out and he-he made me do it I'm so sorry!  I never meant for any of this to happen!  First he hits you and then this!"

I was on the verge of tears.  Not knowing exactly what he did with the things on my phone had me terrified, needing to know what they did. 

She finally continued after I heard some sniffling, probably wiping her nose on her sleeve as silence filled the air and then she began talking again. 

"We took your phone and sent the videos of you singing around to everybody, he made me start a Facebook hate page for you and we posted them there.  I'm so sorry.  Then he took your phone and deleted every guy's number on it and he threw it down and shattered it.  I told him he went too far and he slapped me and shoved me here in this storage closet with you.  He told me I have to stay in here with you until you wake up and give you your broken phone and laugh in your face and I have to make you cry or else he said he would hurt me even more," she said and I almost thought it was all a big joke.

I wanted to crumple in on myself, withdraw from the world after what she'd just told me.  

My music was everything I had.  He had taken that away from me and put it under his control.  I felt completely vulnerable and weak, as if he controlled every aspect of my life.  

"Why go to the trouble of deleting guy's numbers if he shattered it anyway?" I asked her, wondering what the point was.  To further humiliate me and emulate the fact  that he controlled me even more?

"He was saying something about no one being allowed to date you but him.  I stopped being outspoken about his cheating a long time ago.  He said if you took your SIM card to another phone, then the numbers would still be deleted.  He used to be so sweet to me in the beginning, he alienated me from all my friends, acted like he was all I needed.  He turned me into some kind of mean girl that I never wanted to be and now look at me!  I'm right where you are!" she said and something clicked in my head. 

"Gwen?  The girl who tortured me happily at Dylan's side?  What caused the change of heart?  He started demanding sex from you all the time like he did to me?" I asked her sharply, slowly getting up into a sitting position to ease my rising vertigo.  I needed to get out of there and get help, somehow.  I refused to allow Dylan to control me forever.  I was going to do something, fight back. 

"Yeah.  And then he would slap me when I wouldn't be in the mood for it.  I realized too late and by then, I couldn't get out.  He had me trapped and he knew it.  So I basically just went along with everything that he said but I didn't like it, not one bit.  Especially not when it came to hurting other girls.  He doesn't just do this to us, there's two or three of them in the school that he picks on a little bit but nothing like what he does with you."

"Sounds like classic Dylan.  He did the exact same thing to me, only when I didn't put out he just broke up with me for you and when I changed my look I guess he got mad that I didn't do it when we were together and now I guess he's trying to control me any way he can," I said. 

"We can't let him get away with this, you know that right?" I asked her, hoping she'd answer me truthfully. 

Suddenly, a light flickered on above us and I saw that she had stood up and pulled the light chord in the small, cramped room. 

I stood up from my sitting position and had to put a hand on the wall beside me to steady myself, my head growing woozy from the sudden uprightness, and I fixed my eyes on her face. 

She had a few scratches and a red hand print but nothing that a little makeup couldn't fix.  I was terrified to know what mine would look like...

"Listen.  I know we had this heart to heart and all, but with what I've seen of Dylan, I don't want to make him mad at me.  He's literally capable of murdering someone if they piss him off.  So you can do whatever you like, but just know that if you go to the police, all they will do is file a police report, bring him in for questioning and probably send him home with a big restraining order against you, which will only piss him off.  You'll still have to go to school with him and see him every day.  That's the bad thing about domestic abuse- its so hard to get justice and safety at the same time for the victims.  I know.  My dad's the sheriff."

I gaped at her.  She was basically telling me there was no way to get back at Dylan for what he'd done to me, and to her.  It was nonchalant to her, almost like she couldn't care less what happened to her. 

"Not to mention Dylan's family is one of the most prominent in our area.  He could definitely get something overturned real quick so there's really no point in trying."

"How dare you say something like that to me?  Don't you want to be free of him too?"

"Don't hate me when I say this but, when his anger is focused on you and not me, I don't get a slap or punch to the face; you do.  I'm not saying its morally right or anything, just survival.  I'm sorry."

I felt my blood boil at her words. 

"We're done here," I said to her, my face pulled up in what I felt was surely a sneer. 

"No wait, you can't leave yet.  He'll be watching and if you're not crying when you come out he'll be mad at me and-"

"Not my problem.  Just survival remember?" I said to her, mocking her previous words. 

I stepped outside of the doors and was face to face with Dylan.  He looked at me quietly, menacing eyes baring into my soul.

I just stared back just as hard, daring him to do something.  My balls kicking knee was itching to be used again. 

He reached up to my face and I flinched back away from him and he caressed my cheek lightly, making me want to vomit at his gentle actions when earlier he was so volatile. 

I shivered underneath him through my tough facade.  I knew he could tell I was terrified even though I tried so hard to make it seem like I wasn't. 

"That boy of yours had a mouth on him.  Don't worry though, I made sure he'd never talk to you again.  Don't forget-you're mine," he whispered into my ear and then he dropped my used and abused phone that reminded me of myself to the ground as he walked away, Gwen following him shivering in fright behind him.