Beat Of My Heart

Verse Seventeen

"So, you want me to be your boyfriend, huh?"

"Oh hush, you know what I meant. Once the media catches wind that I want to do a live interview they'll all be freaking out. I don't want to settle until freaking Ellen calls me on her show, then no one will be able to discredit me."

"I can see the headlines now. 'Sebastian Jennings' Girlfriend Holly Vickers Breaks Silence Over Brutal Assault'. My managers already made the call," he said and I felt my stomach roil with unease.

My breath caught when I looked up into his eyes and realized that I didn't want to ever look away.  What was happening with me, did I want to be his girlfriend for real?  No, that couldn't happen.  He wouldn't want someone like me, with all the baggage that I had to drag around on my back was enough to make anyone scared and run off, let alone someone with as much acclaim as Sebastian.  He wouldn't want to deal with it all, he was probably just trying to be a good friend to me...

"Hey, it'll be alright, just focus on me. I'll be there to help you through it, your first time is always scary," he said and I didn't miss his double meaning with the sexual innuendo behind it.

"Gross," I said feigning a disgusted look on my face, although a small smile found its way across my lips.  I didn't know how he managed to say something dirty but also make me laugh at the same time.  Usually if it was coming from someone else, I would have probably been angry at all of the double entendres that he threw my way, but with him everything he said was like a breath of fresh air.  I hoped I wasn't becoming blind to all of his flaws because of the feelings I had for him. 

Feelings?  I had feelings for him?  When had those been caught?

"Shut up, you know you like it. And don't lie, you were thinking how it would feel to have a first time with me," he said and I raised my eyebrows in a mocking fashion.

"Sure. Just keep telling yourself that lover boy," I said, shoving my hand against his shoulder, my voice coming out half cracked and breathy, showing him just how much I was overthinking our interactions together.

We were sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed watching some old movie that had come on the tv. My parents were out going to look at physical therapists for me and they told me to stay home and rest. It had only been a few hours since the police station but it was only about six o'clock. Blake and Mr. Jennings had left but Sebastian refused to leave my side, even intruding inside my house when I told him to leave.

So I let him in and we had been watching tv and eating junk food side by side that entire time.  It was nice, no pressure and nothing hanging over us, except that little scene that I'd brought up after the police station incident.

"I have to do an exclusive with someone big, I want that interview everywhere, if it's not then it won't have the same effect that I want it to," I had said to everyone once we were outside of the precinct on the sidewalk next to the car.

"And what exactly are you going to tell them in this interview?" Mr. Jennings had asked me, and I had to contemplate that for a moment.

"I'll give them an exclusive about what they did to me and how long it's been going on and why I didn't come forward sooner. It'll be the only way to get what happened to me out there and to cancel out all of the lies."

"You know they're going to ask about Sebastian. They probably won't air it if you say you two are dating," my lawyer advised me.

I sighed, relenting the fact that I'd have to fib about a few things to get my true story told.

"I'm fine with faking it if you are..." I said to Sebastian referring to starting a false relationship.

He looked a little reserved, like he didn't really want to have that conversation in a police station parking lot in front of his uncle and cousin and best friend slash limo driver. He just shrugged his shoulders and got in the car.