Behind Brown Eyes (Phan)

Chapter 10: part 1.

an: quick authors note about why this chapter is split in two parts. 1. I am way too exhausted; and I am aware that makes me sound lazy but I've wrote a lot lately, so. 2. I don't want the chapter to be too long, because it is already decently long. And 3. It is, or hopefully may be the last chapter so I want you to have it in two parts. Partially to make it last and partially to make the events flow smoothly (?). Also so I can have more time to make the very last part as perfect as I can.

I don't know I just hope you enjoy it.

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After waiting weeks and no specific date set other than "maybe next week sometime?", have been the only details or words we've exchanged since then. I've been draining myself dry due to nerves and anxiousness. I've tried, hard, to stop shaking and to actually man up and settle down a date next week. What if he wasn't free the day I was? What if I take off a day of work and he can't come down that day?

My mind has been driving me crazy, and it wasn't like they were invalid questions. They mattered. They were true, which is why they kept driving me to ask which specific day, but I kept turning the thought down due to coming off too clingy. When really I just really needed to know to make sure I wasn't going to be too busy with school work or bumping into hangout sessions with Adam and Aaron and Gemma or if I just generally had to work that day. And, yeah okay, maybe I was just becoming a little clingy with the thought that I would actually be meeting and conversing in real life with the Amazing Phil Lester.

So when I really have thought about it, for what seemed to be the two hundred and thirty seventh time, I dragged up each last bit of courage I could come up with to send him a "you know a date yet? just need to make sure i'm not busy that day :)". And after pressing the send button, I feel an instant lift of relief. It was such an easy, yet dreaded, question but after sending it I feel a shit ton better.

Now I wait.

Or text Adam. Or Aaron. Or Gemma.

"im busy wat do u want?"

"I'm just closing the coffee shop, I'll text you in an hour."

"I'm helping my brother with his homework, sorry Dan"

Of course, when I'm most and utterly bored my three friends are all busy. Sighing, I decide to listen to music and go online shopping. Finding several tacky pieces I could, probably (not) pull off. I buy them anyways. Mainly because that's just who I am, isn't it? Wearing abstract art printed on t-shirts, or having leather pieces sewn together to make a "shirt", or, well yeah. It's just that.

Once I buy the third shirt, which is not as out there, being just a tanktop. Deciding to buy it last minute because, what a statement I can make as my last name being Howell, does the front of the shirt actually say Howl. My friends will laugh. I hope. Either way, it's already bought and I'm not one to just waste money, so I'll just have to wear it anyways.

Which, okay, maybe I'm not exactly good with money. Because I'm already regretting purchasing that shirt because my friends won't find it a joke or funny at all. And I'm already cringing at the future embarrassment I've just planned on myself.

Nice going, Dan.

"hey! maybe the weekend would be better? i could make it early there on saturday morning and leave sunday evening :)"

"Sounds good! See you then!"

And that's the end of our conversastion for another week. Until it's the week, and he's asking if it would be okay to stay with me. Or if I live on my own. Or if I have any friends he could stay with. Or if I recommend any hotels. And, well, surely my parents would mind if I just invited a friend to stay over for the weekend. Being they've never met him before, plus also being, I've never even met him before. But I won't tell them that. I just know to leave that option out because it just won't end up being the best idea out there.