Our Love Is Tainted

Chapter 4: The Unexpected

I crawl back through the depths of the cement and wood, making my way back to my spot. I've never crawled so silently in my entire life, besides maybe one, or two scenarios; hiding away from either school or the cocksucker. I hated school more than anything in my entire life, even more than myself, as hard as that is for myself to believe. I hid away from the simplest of tasks, couldn't really speak to any girls, and I found myself in an intense amount of conflicts with jocks and other students, won most of them. I don't remember much from most of them, only the aftermaths, which normally consisted of blood being on both my fists and the faces of the people I got into fights with. Everyone at my school saw me as not as a someone, but as a something that existed in the school only to cause pain. It didn't bother me, life at home was hard, so why would school be any god damn different? Not surprised that life only became worse, I lost Beau, and Nora told me that Larry had smothered him in his sleep, and my mother somehow knew, that I knew. Then, I lost my mind, killed fifteen people, then, later in the afterlife, another four people. Maybe I was always a bad person, maybe it wasn't just about bad choices, maybe I'm unable to make my own decisions, and maybe that's why Taint was formed in my head; to make my decisions, for me.

I finally find my way to my spot, still as quiet as I can possibly be. Silence, is the most important key when travelling to the place I've been staying, just to make sure nobody can hear me, because, the other literally stay metres above me. I tried staying in the basement, but it was a matter of time before Vi and Nora began looking for me, sure, she didn't find me there last time, but the connection we still have, she could have easily found me. The condition I'm still in, the Taint-like marks still grasped onto my snow white skin, I could not reveal myself. Now, I'm in my own little spot, a spot I know nobody will find me, well, I hope so anyway. This specific area of the house seems to be more peaceful than the rest of the areas of the house. Only two deaths have occurred here, one that I don't really remember, the other I can't ever forget. Peace, that's all I've been seeking for the past two months, but will absolutely no luck. There's only one way to grasp peace; Taint's extinction, his demise, his death. But how do I kill something that is inside of my head? How do I defeat myself? I wish I knew, It's not like I can make myself disappear every time I lose my mind, that's not the way to solve my problems, it would only create more problems for myself.

My hand finds its way to a specific spot that I hate so much, every time I see it, I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know why I did what I did, would've been less painful if I didn't do what I did, but it seemed right at the same time. Violet, she didn't need to know what once laid here, she didn't need to know the truth, but after she freaked out when I said we should overdose together, she had to know the truth. We crawled through the same crawl space, managed to find the spot I hid her body, the spot I would hide in the not so far future. So, yes, I've been hiding here, in a spot everyone would least expect me to hide in, I thought it was genius at the time, but that was before I knew I was going to be stuck here for months. The spot I've been staying at, it's like an uncomfortable place of absolute banishment, one that manages to deprive you of sleep and peace. Violet's body rotted away before I finally found the balls to bury it, one day I'll tell Violet where her body lies, and that I was the one who buried her, but until then, it will be my little secret.

"Your secret?" Taint speaks in my mind. "You mean our secret!"
"No, I meant my secret."
"Oh, please. Tate, you're a walking time-bomb, you'll tell her sooner than expected."
"NO! I WON'T!"
"Shhh, be quiet, they will hear you."
"You don't control me anymore, you cunt!"
"Oooh, hate words, huh? I will always control you, Tate, as long as you have those tattoos on your skin, you are mine."
"Go away, Taint."
And like that, he's gone? Has it really been that easy? THE ENTIRE TIME?! No, I won't let myself think that he could be trying to trick me, I won't let him trick me into thinking that I am free once again. Like he said, for as long as I have these tattoos on my god damn skin, I will never be free of the demonic voice in my head, in my body, and in my soul.

I turn my head, facing the beautiful black rose that I was going to give to Violet as a gift. Murder House, as disgustingly vile as the location is, there are some beautiful aspects that lie from within it, like the fact that flowers do not die while in the presence of the house. Murder House, as evil, as it is, as murderous as it is, it is also in the form of a sediment; a sediment of beauty. That's why the flower I stare at would have been the perfect gift, because she could cherish it, literally forever if she wanted to. It would have no ill effects, it wouldn't even come remotely close to ageing or decomposing, and its beauty wouldn't change at all. I view the black rose as the same as Violet; beautiful, sweet and rare, but also melancholic. Violet Harmon is an angel that lived a short and cruel life, full of sadness and self-harm. Her life was unfair, a bit like mine, but she hasn't made the mistakes I have, she's more innocent than I am, and she always will be.
"Violet," I whisper to myself, hoping that she will hear me. "I'm so sorry that I left you, I was cruel and mistaken. I feel bad for everything I've done, and I'm sorry that I had to leave you, but I wouldn't allow myself to hurt you and your family, not again. If you can hear me, tell Nora that I love her dearly and that I will be seeing her as soon as possible.

The silence is creaking in the darkness of the crawl space, but something isn't right. The sound of crawling and dragging sounds in the distance of the crawl space, and my heart begins to beat quicker and quicker as the sound becomes louder and louder. I stare past the locks of my hair that cover my eyes, placing the flower back in its pot more silent than I was when I found my way here. My breathing becomes heavy and I begin to sweat as I become nervous, I hate this feeling, it's like I'm having a panic attack again. I need a smoke, of anything; cigarette or pot, I don't care. Right now, I would take morphine just to calm myself down, or cocaine or anything to be honest. The crawling seems to be metres away now, I'm starting to become completely sick to my stomach, so bad that I grip my stomach and groan loudly, fuck, my nerves. This is it, someone has found me, and I can't escape the fact that I'm going to have to explain why I'm here.