Our Love Is Tainted

Chapter 9: Another Session

Why am I here? Another session? Another reason to be scared to lose it all, no no no, Violet said I should speak to someone, so I'm going to speak to the only Therapist who has ever lived and died in Murder House; Ben. I sit in the comfort of his really fucking expensive chair, admiring how clean and tidy he's managed to keep the office, especially with the state the house is in. I'm surprised the house is still standing, with how old it is, and with its history of violence and death, I really am surprised it hasn't been destroyed by a demolition crew. So many spirits remain here, most of them I care about, and if the house goes, we go with it, who knows where we'll be going or better yet, what happens if the house goes, all I know is something has to happen to us, to all of us. I wonder how this session is going to go, what Ben will say, and how he will react to my return. He still thinks I'm a danger, Violet explained that to me, I mean, I don't blame for thinking that, after what I did to Patrick and Chad when I lost it, I'd probably still be worried too. I stare at a photo of the Harmons; Vivien on the right, Ben in the middle and Violet at the end. They look so happy, and by the look of the photo, they only just moved to Murder House, which makes me wonder what their lives would be like if they didn't live here. I probably wouldn't have met Violet, but then again, she'd be alive, and probably would have met someone better, better than I could ever be.

My thoughts are broken when I hear someone enter the room, and by the look of the large figure, it's Ben. He's holding papers, which surprises me seeing he doesn't exactly need to work anymore, but I don't think about it too much. That's when his eyes meet mine, in a panic like look.
"Tate? Is that y- I mean, is it really you?" Ben asks.
I know what he means now, is it me, and not Taint. I simply nod my head, indicating that he can trust me, for now anyway.
"Have you seen Violet? If you haven't we'll hold this until la-"
"Don't worry, Ben," I say, interrupting him. "She was my top priority, I saw her last night."
"So, you're back then? What are doing here?" he jokes. "In my chair."
"I need to talk to someone, get some things off of my chest, you understand, right?" I ask.
"Yes, if you would like to, we can begin in a few minutes."
"Sure," I agree.

He begins to set up his office in a session like a matter, papers and all, he doesn't seem to care that I'm still in his chair. I go to get up, but he stops me, smiling in a way that gives me permission to stay there. He begins to bring out his notepad and his pens, just like he used to when we started, but this time seems different, he's less organised because he didn't expect me. All I can think about is Violet, she's the reason I'm here today, if it wasn't for her, I'd probably be hiding all over again, going through the same ridiculous fucking sequence of torture, all over again. I'm glad I'm here, the only Harmon I have to see again is Vivien, all I need to know is if I'm still in welcome arms with her, especially after I went after her daughter with vicious intentions. I just need to get rid of Taint from my mind, at least suppress him long enough to find a way to be rid of him permanently. I feel like this session will help me find a way, at least give me an idea as to how to help myself, I have high hopes, but I guess I'll see the results sooner rather than later.
"Are you ready, Tate?" Ben asks.
"Yes, I'm ready."

He sits down in the patients' chair, which is odd, but I don't complain. Ben seems to be less serious than he was when he was alive, I mean, which is good, you shouldn't take yourself seriously, when you're dead. Or, he's feeling awkward, seeing he literally condemned me to darkness, but I'm kinda glad he did it.
"I just want to start, Ben, by thanking you," I comment, catching his attention.
"Thanking me for what?" Ben asks.
"Doing what I said, making sure I couldn't hurt anyone else, you were a little late, but thank you. Oh and, don't be sorry about it, I mean it, don't. I'm back now, back in this society now, and I'd prefer it if I don't go back to the darkness I had to deal with for those two months, not unless I have no choice."
"I believe you, and I'm glad you're back-"
That's when he pauses, so suddenly, something's up, he seems worried, different. Almost everything about Ben is different, some things I like, others not so much, but this has my attention.
"I'll admit, I've been having trouble with Violet ever since you left, and she knows that I was only doing what you told me, but still. She hates me, Tate, but I'm your therapist, not the other way around, so we better start."
"Yeah, I guess so," I agree.

"How have you been feeling?"
The question we've both been waiting for, one that could lead either to anger or sadness, nothing will prepare Ben for the truth. Should I lie, or should I be completely honest? I guess whatever is about to be said, happens.
"My feelings- my feelings- My feelings, they've been like leeches on my skin, sucking not just my blood, but the last of my happiness. I have parasites in my mind, that drain me of life, make me feel worthless, angry, unlike anything I've ever felt in my life. I have locks on my heart, which stop me from being able to smile, to laugh, to feel happy again. The only person that has the key, is Violet, she can make me smile again. My anger, it's like a sweetness in my mouth that I can't seem to swallow, my memories, tempting effects and my lust for endless murder, one of the few things that keep me going."
"What did you just say?" Ben asks, gasping at everything I had just said.
I snap, picking up the scissors on the table and leap over the table and towards Ben. I tackle him to the ground and begin to stab him, over and over, until all I can see, is blood. Blood. Red. I then hold the scissors against my own throat, feeling the sensations of the metal, god I love it. Ben tries to get up from his chair, but I do it, I feel my throat open as I slide the blade across my throat, feeling myself choke on my own blood. What have I done?

"Tate? Tate?!"
I open my eyes, and here I am, the room is quiet, Ben is still in his chair, and the scissors are still on the table. I just hallucinated all of that, what the hell is happening to me? I stop and think, then Ben catches my attention again, he seems concerned.
"You didn't answer my question, Tate," Ben says.
"I didn't?"
"No, how have you been feeling lately?"
I need to get out of here, I need to get to Violet before I go apeshit. I have to cut this short before Ben begins to become even more concerned. My eyes begin to reach the scissors again, that's it, I have to go.
"Fine. I've been, fine. I'm sorry, Ben, but I need to go."