Our Love Is Tainted

Chapter 5: Family Problems, Broken Hearts

I've gotten both my mom and dad together for a discussion, one a know won't end with smiles and happiness, instead, angst and most likely a tint of anger. It's been a while since I've spoken to my father, there have been a few moments, mostly discussing the places he's looked for Tate, and believe me, there's a really fucking tiny list. My mom has spent days and days looking for Tate with me, but I don't know if it's only because she feels bad for me, or if she really does want to find him. That's why I've organised this little chat, just so I can clearly confirm where each of my parents stands in this situation, puts less stress on me. This so-called 'relationship' I have with my father, it's dysfunctional, broken, and in a way, hateful. I can stand him at times, haven't been able to since he cheated on mom, but that was a long time ago, so there are obviously other things that bother me, I just need to point out the qualities that really piss me off, but later, for now, the questions I have is far more important in the situation.

I stare at both of my parents, noticing how nervous they look, I don't know why, I've never been scary, right? Jeffrey stays laying in my mother's arms, smiling happily as he stares right at his father, sometimes, I wish I could smile the way my baby brother does. I'm going to keep myself from losing my temper, just because Jeffrey is in the room, maybe that's why my mother brought him in the room, so I wouldn't yell. The one thing about Jeffrey that weirds me out, is the fact that he's changed from a newborn to a toddler, but hasn't aged since then. Murder House, you are one confusing place.
"Alright, this is going to be as quick as possible. All I want to ask you guys is this; do you both really want to find Tate? Because, I'm not going to stop looking for him, not until I find-"
"Of course, baby!" my mother sparks, her sweet eyes staring right at me.
My mother always had a way with being sweet and easy to love, she was always the strong one in the family, and after everything that has happened to her over the past year and a half, it surprises me that her strength hasn't changed one bit. But one thing that also caught my attention, is the fact that my father hasn't even thought about answering my question, talk about reluctance.
"Dad?" I snarl. "Going to answer the question?"

"He could still be just as dangerous as he was when he disappeared."
"He didn't disappear, dad," I roll my eyes. "You forced him to leave."
"Thank you for that factual account, Vi, but I made the right decision. I wasn't going to let him hurt more people, you saw what he did to Patrick and Chad-"
"That wasn't him," my mother says, defending Tate as she should. "If Violet is right about him having a split personality, it was his second self."
"Still, he was a danger, and ghosts may not be able to die, they can feel some form of pain, and who knows what sort of pain he could have made all of us feel. I'm just saying, he could have done worse than pin someone to a wall with knives."
I can't believe him, after sending Tate away, he hasn't got the balls to try and make up for that mistake, even though he claims it isn't a mistake. Classic Ben Harmon, I wish it was Halloween, so then I could just leave the house and do whatever I want, too bad it's not. I can't handle it anymore, I'm going to lose it.
"Just, fuck off, dad!"

Everyone in the room goes silent, even me, which is normal, I didn't expect to say that, and I already knew it was a mistake. But I'm just mad, I miss Tate, and the fact that my dad won't help me find him pisses me off right to the core.
"Viv, take Jeffrey outside, please. I need to speak to our daughter, in private."
"Don't you dare do anything drastic, Ben," my mom snarls, rolling her eyes, just like the way I do.
"I won't."
I watch my mom and brother as they both leave the room, Jeffrey staring right into my eyes, smiling. He's so innocent, he has no idea that he's dead, and he'll never know, which is good in some form, easier on my parents and myself, and of course, Jeffrey himself. He doesn't need to know, he'll just live the way he does forever. The idea of being a child forever, always being innocent, isn't the worst idea I've ever heard, in fact, this whole fucking plan has been the worst idea I've ever come up with.
"Now, listen here, Vi. It wasn't my idea to send Tate away when he went off the rails, okay?! It was his."
"What? What does that mean?" I ask, feeling extremely confused.
"Tate was the one who came up with the idea of sending him away if he was to ever become a danger to you or anyone else. He called it 'Plan Z' and made me promise that I'd do anything to protect you, even from himself if I had to. Our final session, he called the plan the final countdown and gave me simple instructions, and I listened clearly. The way he spoke, it was like he was possessed, serious right to the core, just like our first ever appointment. He's never been a bad kid, in fact, if anyone could make you happy, I know for an absolute fucking fact, he would be the one for you. I'm sorry, Vi, really, I am. But I made him a promise I intended to keep, and I'm worried that he could still be the same Tate I sent away two months ago, I'm so-"
"Go away, Ben."

Just like that, he was gone. Even with his explanation, I'm still pissed off at him, he's the reason Tate is gone, Tate's the Tate is gone, I don't know who to blame anymore. Why Tate? Why did you make my dad promise that? I could have saved you in my own way, I could have helped you, all you had to do is let me.

I remain tightly strapped to the corner of my spot, questioning who or what could be crawling through the crawl space. There are a few possibilities; Beau, Thaddeus, maybe even Violet, probably not, but one can dream. If she was to show up, right here, right now, she could save me from this hell, and Violet being herself, she wouldn't give me a choice as to where I want to go anyway, she'd force me to come with her. God, I miss her, I've never felt love for anyone like the love I have for her, sure, I'm dead, but my love isn't. That's when I begin to worry. What if the person in the crawl space is someone who hates me? Wants me to suffer even more than I already have? Ben? He hates me right? Patrick and or Chad? After what I unintentionally did to them two months ago, I doubt there's a chance of them not hating me. I grip the chain in my spot, prepared for the absolute worst, if it is Thaddeus, I need him to know that he's not welcome here, ever. That's when I begin to see golden curly locks and a dress strap of a dress begin to appear from the corner of the crawl space. I gotta' say, I didn't expect this.

"This Godforsaken dust and creepy closed in spaces, both things give me severe sicknesses," Nora jokes, crawling out of the space and straight into the area of my spot. "Hello, handsome."
I've never seen Nora so happy to see me. Normally when I saw her, she was always crying, asking for the location of Thaddeus, but she must've worked on the control of her emotions because now, her smile is the only thing that is highlighted. I'm overwhelmed by her mere surprising presence.
"Hey, mom."
Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did I just say that?! Idiot! That's not how I start the first conversation with Nora in two months! Jesus, Tate, you're a dickhead.
"So, this is where you've been veiling yourself? I wouldn't call it the worst choice, but certainly, not the finest."
"Yeah, I guess," I say, clueless as to what to say while trying to hide the markings on my skin. "Ho-How did you know I was here?"
"Oh, me? I've been carefully watching you, you silly boy," Nora winks. "You should really be more focused on your-"

Nora begins to move closer to me, staring at the dark tattoo like markings I obviously failed at hiding. Her eyes say it all; she's remotely curious about them, fascinated in a mother-like way.
"What is it, Nora?" I ask.
"I heard the others talking about the tattoos that randomly appear on you, but I've never placed my eyes on them. It's just, so surreal. How long have they been on your skin?"
"They haven't left," I state, watching her fingers drag along the bone like markings on my hands. "Not since Ben forced me to leave."
"Why haven't you come back to us, Tate? Violet misses you, and she's been desperate to find you for months." Nora asks. "Is it the shame of knowing the things you've done?"
"Fear. I'm afraid of what people may think of me, I'm dysfunctional, and it's obvious to see. I have a list of problems, problems I have no idea how to deal with, crazy problems if not anything. I've killed people, I'm a danger, and until I find a way to skin Taint's voice out of my head, I will remain a danger. I can't be a risk to Violet's safety, I won't allow it."
"I'm sorry, Tate, but I'm going to have to tell her you're here," Nora states, angering me slightly.
"We'll see."