Speak

Chapter 6

   "Silence is a true friend who never betrays."
~ Confucius

"Elizabeth, wait up!" I hear Ethan calling after me as I do what I'm best at... run away.

I finally stop to catch my breath, allowing Ethan to catch up to me.

I lost it. I promised myself, I wouldn't panic in public, but at the first insignificant trigger, I freak out and run. I lost control. I'm such a Lily-Livered Pansy!

The words, which most likely were spoken in jest, sent terrible memories crashing down on me. I close my eyes, try to focus on the here and now, steadying my breathing.

"Hey," Ethan's voice cuts through the silence. "Don't listen to Liam; he's a prick."

Right now, I just want to be alone. I want to return to my dorm room and take away the pain. But I can't. Not only is Ethan pestering me, but I have another class before too long. I have to just find a way to stuff it down inside, put on a smile, and pretend everything is alright. With a deep breath, I force myself to open my eyes.

I am greeted by a smiling Ethan.

"If you gave me the time of day, I wouldn't share you with anyone."

I choke on the bile that rises from my stomach that is twisting in knots like a dish towel being rung out after use.

Deep breath.
Don't crack.
Keep it together, Lizzy.

I pull my notepad out of my purse. I need to focus on the former, not the latter. I try to keep my hand from shaking as I scribble down words. Ethan can't know. No one can know.

I told you, I'm not looking to get into a relationship.

Ethan looks up me from the note and smiles.

"I thought we were just hanging out as friends?"

I roll my eyes with a sigh. I know what he's doing, but at least he is acknowledging that I have absolutely no interest in perusing a relationship.

"How about I take you to Joe's, and we see where things go from there?"

I look into Ethan's eyes, searching. I cannot tell if he's being genuine or just trying to make me feel better. I don't know. Something inside me tells me that he is understanding of my wishes, but can I trust my own judgment? The past tells me that I cannot. I'm about to walk away when I remember Doc's words.

We cannot let our past experiences dictate our present actions in fear of future consequences.

Reluctantly, I nod my head. I do not enjoy the thought of being in a crowded bar scene amongst dozens if not hundreds of people, but better to be with many than alone with a man I barely know.

"Good!" Ethan replies, excitedly. "I'll see you on Friday, my little church mouse!"

With that, Ethan leans over and plants a kiss on my right cheek. Chills race down my spine at the touch of his lips on my skin. Everything inside me wants to scream, but I'm frozen.

It was on the cheek, yes, but I haven't been kissed in two years. I haven't been kissed in two years, and I didn't really want to be now. Especially by Ethan Allen.

I take a deep breath and stuff the memories of my last kiss far back in my head. I can't think about that now. I need to get to class.

*****

Class dragged on for what seemed an eternity. Chemistry is not really my thing, and I'm only taking it as a general education requirement.  Sometimes, days like this, I wish I had my mother around.