I've spent 3 months mourning in Chicago.
I went to a couple of doctors appointment and that was it, seeing the baby kind of motivated me to get out of the house a little bit but not much. I was definitely showing a little more too.
I still feel so so so so guilty.
Hudson is starting to get annoyed with me here so I'm desperately looking for money so I can move into my own apartment hopefully.
I'm home alone when his house phone goes off, I don't check my phone anymore I have it permanently turned off.
"Hello?" I answer into the phone
"Is Phillipa Soo there?"
"Uh yeah... who is this?"
"This is Legal services calling to notify you that you are in Lin Manuel Miranda's will."
"O-O-oh.."
"He wants all his money going to you m'am. Which it will be."
I need a moment to take all that in.
"M'am?"
"Uh yes. Um ok thank you bye."
I quickly hang up and sit down
"All his money? Jesus Christ." I think outloud
-
Within a couple of days all of the money was transferred to my account, and a bracelet. A bracelet specially made for me. I don't know when he wrote this will but it was beautiful and it made me miss him so much more.
I'm looking for apartments in Chicago. Actually I'm meeting with a real estate agent today.
I am NOT going to back New York no matter what. When I say I'm starting over I mean literally. Of course I'll still be involved with Musicals here in Chicago but everything else I'm starting over.
I think about the cast everyday, of course especially Renee and Jas. I miss them but I just can't go back.
Hi Steven, It's Pippa Soo. We're looking at that apartment today. Just double checking that I have the time right. 12 right?
I send the text off to the realtor and get a answer within seconds
Yes!! See you at 12. SP.
Lin use to text and sign his name.
I sigh and shake the thought of Lin off my head.
I call his phone number daily, listening to his voicemail. It makes me so happy every time I hear it.
Hudson, I'm seeing an apartment at 12. Your apartment is all yours for a good 3 hours.
K, see you.
I scoff and fall back onto the couch. Hudson hasn't been acting like himself at all these past few weeks and I don't know why.
-
"Hi! Steven."
"Pippa. Nice to meet you!" I smile
"You too!"
I get butterflies in my stomach.
Why?
Why am I nervous, it's almost like I'm attracted to Steven. I cant be. It's too soon.
We just stare at each other.
He clears his throat to break the awkwardness
"Let's get on with the tour shall we?"
"Uh- oh yeah."
The apartment was huge, 3 bedroom 1 bath. It was the perfect size. It had 3 bedrooms, one for me, one for the baby, and one for a workspace. It had a huge kitchen as well.
"This place is beautiful.... I think I don't even need to see more!"
"Great! Well I'll email you more information and we can take it from there."
"Okay and again thank you so much for today."
"Of course..."
We head out separate ways and I still had butterflies in my stomach. Did I like Steven? God Pippa your boyfriend just died and you already moved on your such a slut!
"Slut"
"Whoreeeee!"
"He killed him self because of you."
All the voices in my head won't go away.
I sit in the car and sob
I feel like I'm drowning and I can't save myself.
I just want to hug someone and melt into there arms, I want Lin to be here and I want his protecting arms to be wrapped around me.
We can't all get what we want though.
I try to pull myself together as quickly as I can and drive home.
"I'm back!" I yell into Hudson's house hoping for a answer.
"Hudson!!! I wanna talk to you!!?" I yell getting annoying he's not answering
"I'm coming into your room!"
I burst through the doors with anger, and he's laying in bed with a man?
He's gay?
He never told anyone?
Im not against LGBT in anyway but did he really think he couldn't tell me?
"Oh.." I whisper before gently closing the door
I sigh and fall back onto my bed, it's been a long ass day.
I look down at my swollen stomach.
"It's just gonna be me and you..."
-
