My Heart is All Yours

20)Barriers all around

"And those who,when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves (by transgression),remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins Allah?- and (who) do not persist in what they have done while they know"--(Surah-Aal-Imran:135)-Al-qur'an.

AASTHA:-            
                                  [FLASHBACK]

If you think turning to Islam is easy as it said.It's wrong,though in my opinion, it is.There were so many Occurances and barriers standing in between my on-the-way to Islam.

One year.It took me complete one year to learn,understand and deliberately accept the Islam whole heartedly.The year which has changed my mentality and a little scale of my personality and character.Shore of emotions perceived through me as i came to know the truth step by step.Grief coated me.There wasn't a day i spent without crying.knowing,i had been too late to realize everything.knowing,the life i lived yet was having the perception of either false or lacking.

The day when i called hira,she gave me the answers of my question through the other verses in the Quran itself.Then the next day gave me another book saying it had their prophet's stories and hadeeths.As i started to read every verses and stories,i started to excavate the translation learning it's deeper meaning.My routine had became,going for the college,trying to study from everything then and there,returning home,get locked up in the room and read the 2 books.

When i get holidays,i'd go to hira's place or others to seek their help in understanding the prayers,ablution and some logical part of the religion as what they do and when.

My observing family wasn't unfazed of anything.Even my father knew something was up but never bothered to ask about it because i never read or did anything that could give them a hint of my curiosity in the religion.I had told them many lies to keep everything hidden that's the another reason of my grief.I have never intended to tell them lies intentionally.

I've made myself Muslim in front of the mirror as wearing hijab over my head and trying pardha sometimes.One day when i was looking at mirror with my shawl,paayal had caught me.And that was the real intimidate task i've gotten ever,apart from exams.She asked so much to get anything from me that would take her to momdad complaining about me.My all stupid and timid reply was that i was deciding a new style to our cousin's marriage which she obviously,didn't believe.But released me just because,fortunately there was marriage of our cousin's,really.Perks of being an elder also was one of the reason i could shut her mouth from throwing more questions.

That's been these one year for me since i read the Quran first time.Changes in life kept on increasing as i became steps closer to Allah.

"You ok?",Dad asked shaking me a little.

I came out from the trance,glanced at my dad.

"A little",i answered,the truth was i didn't know that.Am i okay?Am i ok becoming a Muslim?Without consentation of my family?Without even conveying them about the big decision i'm gonna take in life which will also effect them as much as me.

NO

Am i ok after finally reaching near the place where i've been craving for these year?Am i ok getting attached to Allah without having mediator or anything that could come between us?Am i ok to live in the truth and obeying the Lord?

YES

Yes i'm happy.But i'm more scared to get my family's reaction when i'd tell them what i'm about to do.

"Whatever happens,you'll tell me right?",Dad asked observing me for few seconds.He has this knowing look on his face."I'll be there for you on everything you do.I know my daughter will only took right decisions.Just tell us everything ok".