Nowhere To Run Nowhere To Hide(vampire Academy)

chapter ten

Trigger warning: mention of self harm

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Important Author's note at end:

I was walking across the campus grounds, when I felt a presence from behind me. It was obviously Ade, as they were earlier discussing monitoring me. It wouldn't be anyone else, other than him. I remembered why I was at the office, even though I pretended to forget. I do that sometimes to get out of tricky situations. Pretend that I forget it, so I can avoid it. Sometimes, I even fake being a little crazy. It doesn't take much effort. It is so simple, that no one knows when it is real, to when it is fake.

I am taken out of my thoughts, when I hear someone shout.

"Bernadette, wait." It was Ade. Should've known it was him.

Stopping, I wait for him to catch up to me.

When he does catch up to me, he breaths in a deep breath. He obviously had to run far to reach me. I look around and see that I am at the edge of the academy grounds to where it meets the forest, which is about six miles. I walked far. No wonder he is out of breath.

"What do you want Ade, other than spying on me." I asked, tired.

"Ade?" He questioned." I knew you hadn't forgotten. And to answer you question....we are concerned. I mean, you have shown a lot of spirit's side effects. Even Melanie doesn't understand. I mean, she hasn't gotten this crazy, in fact, no one has."

"Well, thanks for the compliment. I feel so much better hearing that from you." I said sarcastically.

"You know what I mean. Any way, we want to know and understand your race. And I can kind of see the strigoi's fascination of finding out about your kind. Also using it for power. But, we don't want the power, we actually just want to understand, and help you control it. I gotta admit, that I would probably also hide you away from the world, but not for my cunning use. We just want to understand and help at the same time. That is all."

" yeah. Okay." I replied.

"Any way. Why did you pretend to forget." He asked.

" well, when you live with heartless monsters that use you for offspring, power, or as unspeakable things, plus that you are crazy, you learn how to get people not to like you. Then they stay away from you. But It didn't work for the strigoi. It gave more reasons to do those things. Thinking, with me being crazy, got people to say and do more hateful things to you. Like how people would call a deaf man stupid, that is the same for me. They expected me to be crazy, stupid, and do nothing. But they thought wrong. That was the time my powers, spirits side effects and madness kicked in. Then, they started the experiments, and officially I was a breeder. It was horrible. We are nothing to them. Treated like nothing but dirt to be used, then thrown away. We are put through so much, and when we show any emotion or fight, they pay higher to get to punish us. I couldn't even tell anyone about it. Nobody cared. We kept all these emotions to ourselves. When I had hidden from the strigoi, that house on the hunting trip. Well, I would hide there to cry, shout, scream, and hurt myself, just to take the pain away. I had no one. No one sane, goes through that abuse. No one. Sometimes, I just wish that I would die. It once got so bad, that I staked myself. Not in the heart, but in my wrists. I used it to slash them. I felt the pain, but the physical pain took over the mental pain. And you know what, I laughed while in pain. It was a relief for a while. Just so I didn't feel pain. But it didn't last as someone came, and stopped myself from dying. Then, when I woke up, I got punished worse. Then I became the crazy suicidal maniac. Nobody will ever understand. Even if we tell you, or even show you. The only way you will know, is if you were in my place. Then you will understand. That is why I pretended. I didn't want people to know, as they wouldn't understand." By the end of my speech, I was crying.