Motionless In White One Shots

Starve - Ricky Horror

I looked in the mirror. My body was starting to show that I was starving myself. I mean, I've lost 10 pounds, but I wanted to lose more. I wouldn't go crazy with it, of course. Maybe just 10 more pounds. I craved having a flat stomach, whatever it takes.

I put my shirt down just as Ricky walked into the room. He gave me a weird look and came closer. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I replied. What was I doing?

He stood inches from me, looking down at me with a serious expression. "I'm serious. I saw you looking at yourself in the mirror again."

"What, can I not admire my reflection?" I asked sarcastically.

"You know what I mean," he said. He placed his hands on my hips before a scared expression came upon his face. "Dear god, Savannah! How much weight have you lost?"

I looked down, refusing to see his expression. I cut back a lot on my eating and started exercising more while he was away on tour. He never knew about this problem, only that I've been losing a bit of weight. He didn't know I was a few pounds from being underweight.

He placed two fingers under my chin and forced me to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

"Tell you what?" I knew what he was talking about. I just wished he didn't know.

"You're starving yourself. Chris noticed, I noticed. Hell, even Ryan and Vinny noticed. Why are you doing this to yourself?" He began to get worked up at me. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"If I wanted to kill myself I would have done it already!" I shouted back.

"Why the hell would you even think of doing that?"

"Maybe because I hate who I see in the mirror sometimes! You wouldn't know! Girls love you!"

His expression dropped as he looked at me. "I didn't do this to you, did I?" His voice was barely above a whisper. If he spoke any louder, his voice would crack. I saw the pain evident in his eyes, and I felt ashamed of myself for making him hurt.

I looked up at him and saw tears in his eyes. "I'm not like other girls." I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not thin enough. Not pretty enough. I don't have a pretty enough face."

Ricky's eyes widened and he shook his head. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who told you this?" A mix of concern and anger bled in his voice.

"The voice that bitches to me in the back of my head," I grumbled. I looked up at him, tears in my eyes. "How can you date me when there are so many prettier girls out there?"

Ignoring my question, he placed his hands on either side of my face, kissing me hard. I felt so many emotions coming from him that it almost made me dizzy.

He pulled away and looked directly into my eyes. "Never say that again," he said coldly. "There's a reason I'm dating you and not those other girls. I want you. Only you."

He turned us toward the mirror and lifted my shirt. I covered my stomach with my arms, and he moved them away. "Look in the mirror," he spoke softly. "What do you see?"

"I see weight I have to lose." I replied. I saw Ricky's face fall and he shook his head again.

"I see a beautiful girl who is too hard on herself. One I love with all my heart. It scares me that you're doing this. I can't lose you." He buried his face in my neck and held me close to his body. "You need to start eating again. I'll be there with you every step of the way." Ricky turned me to face him and smiled before leaning down and kissing me gently.