The Prince of Shadow

Chapter Seven: Confliction

Alessandra

The door rattled violently on its hinges. It's vibrations affecting me more then I would have liked. The look of hurt that had cross Nathaniel's eyes heartbreaking for the flicker of a second it was there. His pleading expression to believe him turning harder then ever before.

Guilt weighing down on me that I wish I could trust him. I really wanted to but, I had to hold myself back. It was for my own good. This arrangement was only so long that would easily turn. The emotions he so thinks to have for me could easily be broken.

Life was cruel to play games with me. A fate to slowly fall for a man that wouldn't want anything to do with me with just a few simple words. His feelings turning to hate instantly not to hesitate in throwing me to the side or kill me.

That is what all this would lead up to.

Heartbreak deeper then anything I would ever experience if I let myself fall in love with him. The want so strong to be with him how a women should. He deserved better then me. To love him how he should be cared for like he does for me. So I have to bid my time. Distance myself as much as I could.

But it was more challenging then I would have thought. The feeling of hollowness taking hold of me. The want to cry out for him fercily beating in my heart that ached for him. My mind getting a hold of me as I reflect back on tonight. Grasping the necklace that was starting to feel constricting as if I were it's prey, prying it off to place it on to the night stand. It's yellow eyes almost judging me for what it has seen. The earrings just as heavy. Doing just the same, wanting to feel free of its judgement.

Earlier conversation I want to forget it all and never think of it again. To never look back of the horrid things she had said to me. Proof that my reasoning was valid to protect myself. Words that left you wondering why life was a traitorous game for someone's sick pleasure.

I had thought before my existence was unkind but now it was just twisted. And with Nathaniel wanting me to trust him was something I could not do. Trust was for someone that could believe in it and that was something I never will.

Tears fell from my eyes that I whiped hastily away. My cheeks feeling hot as I slide out of bed.

I needed fresh air to fill my lunges as I stepped out onto the balcony. The greenery of the mountains in the cool air crisp. The moon having already moved behind them awaiting for the sun to rise in a few hours from the oceans edge.

It didn't take long for the cold to seep into my bones as I leaned on the baluster, resting my head upon my hands. The feeling welcoming knowing I deserved it. Nathaniel was a man I never imagined he would be. A man that you could easily fall for and loose yourself in. Something I wanted so badly but couldn't.

My past dictating the future it seemed now. The bitter thought pounding against my head.

Finally when I felt numb, I walked back into the room. Laying back into the empty bed, huddling under the cold covers. My body missing the feel of being wrapped in Nathaniel's arms prominent in my mind. Closing my eyes to fall into restless sleep. The constant turning to get comfortable out of reach till the sun slowly raised, hurting my sore eyes. The hope he would come back dashed once the clock slide into ten.

Getting up, I started my morning routine. Brushing my teeth then hair as I turned to the closet pulling out a vintage pale pink pleated high waisted dress. Sliding on low white heeled shoes, I headed down the stairs. Laughter sounding threw the house following it outside under the gazebo, it's table again filled with food spotting Lexi surpisingly chatting with Samuel standing beside her. Drake not appearing one bet happy by the pair as I came before the chairs.