Self Loathing (Dr. Alto Clef x Reader) | An SCP Fanfiction

A Past (Apology Chapter)

A/N: This is called an Apology Chapter, they will be chapter's I make when I don't get one chapter out in a long while. So, this is going to be your past but I need to make a back story of what made you tell this story. Anyways, I will see you all later. WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE AND BULLYING ARE IN THIS STORY. AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER THERE ARE ALSO MENTIONS OF CUTTING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

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(Y/N)'s POV-

Making a bet with Kondraki isn't the best idea anyone should ever do. In fact, no one should make bets with him. No one.  I looked at Jack, my lips pulled into a frown.

The bet was that Jack couldn't eat more than 30 hot dogs and 20 pies. Blue berry pies. I said he couldn't. Kondraki said he could, and if I won, he would give me his prized possession; His camera. But if HE won, I would tell him, Clef, and Bright about my past.

So, here we are. Sitting in the corner of the office, cross legged in the middle of the fucking night. It seemed to be all fun and games, for Jack and Konny. But for me and Clef? That was a different story.

Clef already knew about my past, and he didn't like it being shared with other people. He knew I did not like sharing it and I told him out of confidence, and out of something else.

I sat in Alto's lap, he played with my hair, as Bright and Konny sat cross legged, intent to hear the story. But it wasn't just a regular story. It was a sad one, and they will realize this in the end.

So, here we go.

"When I was an infant, my parents just up and left. They didn't want another child getting in the way of their work. I was taken in by a more abusive and neglectful family, but that's not what started my depression. 

My adopted father would always make me stand in front of the wall, he would hit me from hours on end. If he had a cigarette in his mouth, he would burn me with it, sometimes with alcohol too. I have burn scars on my arms and back because of him.

My adopted mother didn't care much of what the other kids did. She'd put us in a room, and lock it. Leave us there for days, maybe a few weeks till my adopted father went looking for me. 

I was always in fear, of dying.

One day, when I was 13, I started to feel waves of sadness. The only friend I had ditched me for a popular group in school and I started getting bullied and taking beatings more than I usually would. They would give me bruises, broken bones, and at the age of 17, I was even raped."

Konny looked at me, worried. In his eyes, I saw regret. "Look, Konny, you wanted to hear my past, so here it is. You aren't going to back out on it." I grinned at him. I saw Bright looking a bit uneasy, and I smiled at him. "It's not the worst thing that's happened to me. I promise." He nodded and looked at me, he probably started to feel what I felt. I looked up at Clef.

He had a grim look on his face. "Hey," I put a hand on his cheek, "I'm fine now, alright?" He nodded, still not letting go of me.

"So, let me continue.  At, about 18 years of age, I moved. I just didn't want to be there anymore and I went to court with my adopted parents, presenting everyone with the scars they created. 

They were not happy. My adopted parents fought for their freedom, saying it was all a lie. Eventually, no one believed them. They had my adopted brothers and sisters as witnesses, and they all defended me.

They went to prison, having sentenced for life for Child Abuse. They found out my Adopted father was a drug addict, as was my adopted mother.

I'm sure they would have been better people, if they didn't have consumed any drugs.

During College, it was hard. Some of the kids that went to my high school still bullied me, but I merely ignored it. I had better things to do than to tolerate them. And soon, they lost interest. I finished with college, and ended up here. Where I could actually show off my abilities a bit.

And there you have it, short but it's true. I have had my abilities since I was born, so I don't think that really mattered. I had no way of controlling them. Until, I was about 16, but other than that. Life was a bit hectic." I finished, by this point Jack was crying and Konny was holding on to him also crying. I smiled a bit, and looked up at Clef who just kissed my forehead. I gave him a genuine smile and laughed when he gave a goofy look.

Even though my past was hectic and sad, I can still look forward to my present and future. They may be the anti-depressants that Dr. Glass gave me, but at least I get to feel happy. Even if it's just the drug doing the work.

I hear a thump and look up to see a guard in the doorway. "Alto, how long was he there for?" 

"I'd say about the whole story." He replied. I sighed, looking towards the MTF.

"You better not say anything about this, am I understood, Sargent?" I got strict with him, he nodded. "Good, now. BACK TO YOUR GODDAMNED POST!" I hollered as he ran back.

The other three started to laugh at the goofy look I had that the MTF had taken so seriously. I started to smile even more. Then I started laughing.

Everything is fine. I'm fine, Alto is fine, and so are Konny and Jack. We're all fine. What happened was the past, not the present. Nor the future. 

Everyone has their own story, whether it is bad or good. But what we tell, was what happened in the past. Unless you are some kind of future seeing entity. Then, okay. I understand.

But, I'm a lot happier with Alto, Konny and Jack. Alto being my lover, Konny and Jack being my friends.

But, I'm happy. I'm happy with that, and I couldn't care less on what happens, as long as we can pull through.

I know I did.

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Word Count: 1048

Author Inspired: oXEndlessXo

A/N: That was a bit sad. I don't think it's sad enough to make people cry, but hey. At least it's the past, and not the present. Right?

I apologize for anyone who has faced being abused or bullied. I have faced being bullied myself, and I may actually have a Bipolar Disorder. I need to go to a therapist to see if I really do, but the past isn't something I should be dwelling on. I can't really help it, but you guys can. 

You all can try, to forgive or forget. It doesn't matter. What happened was in the past. Everyone has a past. And Everyone is different. Anyone who knows me, would know that I have cut many times before. 

I hope you all know that I do care, even if you are a stranger through a screen. I do care. Most of the time, I just don't show it. But I do care.

I'm incapable of feeling care, but I can show and tell people I care. Telling people is sometimes the best thing they could have. Even if you don't feel you care, you should always tell or show someone you care. 

I hope you all have a good day. I will see you all when I finish the next chapter. Bye!