A Beautiful Disaster

I lie to myself

I lie to myself

My head is throbbing in pain,

One more chapter, I said.

I lie to myself each night,

I lie to myself to make myself feel alright,

I lie to myself to make things easier on myself,

But in the end, I show the truth to others,

But I can hardly face it myself,

If I looked myself in the mirror,

I would see a girl with dark circles under her eyes,

I would see that she is so broken,

So utterly in pain,

So I lie to myself,

I lie that I am okay,

I lie that I am stable when in reality I am not,

Sometimes,

I want to cram my fingers into my skin and tear away at my flesh,

Just to feel something, so then I can prove to myself that I am alive.

But since I can't do that,

I lie to myself.

Hoping that one day,

I convince myself.

a.b.