Four Girls, One Problem

Angel

I was hoping that my mom wasn't going to bring home another guy tonight. This happens a lot. I pretend to be okay with it. I've grown used to the idea--of Mom moving on from my dad. My dad died fighting for our country. I was barely eight. So, I don't really remember him. Sometimes I like to look through his stuff. It makes me feel like I'm still with him.

Ninety percent of the time, I try to occupy my time. I volunteer, stay after school occasionally... But at the end of the day, I cry myself to sleep. Ever since I was little, I had to be happy. Otherwise, this house would fall apart. Mom had somewhat of a drinking problem after Dad died, but she finally quit. Now she smokes and hooks up with random guys.

I felt like such a fake, smiling in front of my friends. Smiling like nothing was bothering me. Smiling like I had a good life. Which I did, but I didn't really enjoy it. I mean, at home, I was usually alone. That's why I occupy myself--to forget I was alone.

"Angel!" Kourtney snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Come back from La La Land," she laughed.

I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair. I glanced at the video camera and looked around, trying to find something I could fiddle with.

"Okay, we have to ask these questions that Mrs. Spears handed out," Kourtney said, looking at the sheet. "Some of them are easy. Uh, okay, 'are you happy with your life-style'?"

I saw Raine's eyes grow curious as they tried to burn a hole through me. I looked away from her and into the camera. "Yeah, my life-style's...livable."

"If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?" Shianne asked, reading off the paper.

"Um... I would change my peppiness. It annoys people," I laughed.

"What happened to your dad?" Raine asked, still looking at me directly.

"Is that on the sheet?" I asked, taking it.

A question on there said: Do you live with both parents? If not, where is your mother/father?

"My dad died when I was eight. He was a soldier in Iraq," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Raine said.

I shook my head. "Don't."

It got late quickly and everyone went home--except Luke. I hadn't seen him or Mom since they got home. I showered, got into pajamas, and went to my mom's room. Not in there. I went to the office and her and Luke were talking. I knocked on the office door and Mom smied at me.

"Hey, Angel," she said.

"Hey, guys. Just lettin' you know I'm going to bed," I said.

"Okay, goodnight, sweetie," she said.

"Are you staying?" I looked at Luke.

He just chuckled. "Nah, I'm gonna head home soon."

"How soon?" I folded my arms.

"Ten minutes. If that," he said.

I nodded and went upstairs to my room. I locked the door and laid down. Within five minutes, I heard footsteps. There were knocks at the door and I answered it. Luke was standing there.

"Just letting you know that I'm leaving," he said.

"Okay," I shrugged.

"Look, Angel," he said. "I like your mom. And pretty soon, I'm gonna marry her. So you might want to start respecting me."

"What did I do that was so terrible?" I asked.

"'Are you staying'? Kinda rude," he sneered.

"It's a liginament question," I snapped.

He slapped me across the face and left. I pressed my lips in a line, shut and locked my door, and cried myself to sleep--like I did every night.

*****

The next morning, after I got dressed, I went downstairs to eat. The slap the Luke gave me still stung. I poured my cereal and I heard Mom come into the kitchen.

"I don't like him, Mom," I said sitting down with my cereal.

"Luke? Why?" she asked.

Because he's an abusive jackass!

Instead I shrugged and said, "He just seems bad. Please just... Get with whoever you want... Just not Luke."

"Look at me," Mom locked eyes with me. "You don't know Luke. And you don't tell me who I can, and can't be with. I'll be with whoever the hell I want!"

"Mom, I'm not trying to tell you who you can and can't be with--"

"You've been against my dating since your father died," she hissed.

I felt like she just shot me. I exhaled and looked down. I picked up my bag and put my cereal in the refridgerator. "I have to go to school."

I walked to school. I was a Daddy's Girl at heart. I love my mom. We rarely fought. But when we did, I was always the one that ended up hurt and speechless. I cried on the way to school. When I got there, I went to the bathroom and fixed my makeup. I tried to stop crying so my eye-liner and mascara wouldn't run.

The bell rang and I went to video class--hoping this day would go slow.

When I walked in, Raine, Kourtney, and Shianne were sitting at the table. I joined them and we watched the video they took of me at my house last night. I'm a damn good actress, apparently. Throughout the entire time, I looked so happy with my life. I'll say it again, I'm a damn good actress.

***

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