I rushed into my dressing room backstage. When I got into the dressing room, there were staff in there waiting for me. I set my bag down and began to get ready. One of the staff members helped me get into my outfit. My first outfit of the night was a short sleeveless red dress with a v-neck, black spandex, and silver heels. Once I was dressed, I sat down in one of the chairs. The makeup and hair staff started getting me ready. They both worked as quickly as they could to get me ready.
I started to wonder about my relationship with Namjoon. We hadn't told anyone that we had feelings for each other, let alone that we were flirting. We decided not to tell the boys or PD-nim just yet because we didn't know how they would react. I hadn't even told Marissa about it yet. We didn't have much time to ourselves to have a conversation about when we thought our close friends and family should know. Every day was so busy for the both of us. Either he was rehearsing or I was rehearsing. In what free time we did have, we both were working on our music careers. By the end of the day, both of us were too tired to have a serious conversation. I wanted nothing more than to have time to just have a long conversation with him. Sure, we spent time together but it wasn't much. He would walk me to the studio when he had time. We would occasionally eat meals with a few of the boys in the house. Other than that, we didn't spend time with each other. I had so many things I wanted to do with him, so many ideas for dates. A night on the beach, a day in the city, or just something as simple as watching movies together.
I started to get sad just thinking about how much time I wished to spend with him. I snapped myself out of my thoughts so I would not be upset. I knew that the last thing Namjoon would want is for me to be upset. I looked at myself in the mirror. The staff were putting finishing touches on my hair and makeup. I held still until they were finished. Once they were finished, I smiled and thanked them. I stood up from the chair and walked to the back of the room. I picked my phone up off the couch that sat against the wall. There was a missed call from my mom. I opened my phone and went into my messages. I found her name and texted her.
Me: Hey mom. I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm going on stage soon. I'll call you back when I can. Love you.
I turned off my phone and set it back on the couch.
"It's time to go." One of the backstage staff said.
I straightened my outfit and walked over to the door where the staff member was. I followed him as he led me through to my performance spot. He stopped when we reached the backstage area of my stage. I could hear the crowd cheering and chanting loudly already. I began to get a little nervous. The staff member handed me my silver bedazzled microphone and I grabbed it from him. I held the microphone in my right hand as breathed quietly to calm my adrenaline. A few moments later, the staff member led me to my entrance point for the stage. I got into place and nodded at him.
"Just breathe and be yourself." He said.
I smiled at him as the platform below me started moving upward. I stayed in my starting position and waited for the music to start. Once the music started, I went into the first song.
***
After the performance
I stared into the cheering crowd, tears in my eyes.
"I love you guys!" I said into the microphone.
The crowd cheered. I bowed one last time.
"Thank you!" I said into the microphone as the lights dimmed.
I walked toward the back of the stage, down the stairs and into the backstage area. The staff were clapping for me. I smiled widely. I felt a tear slip down onto my cheek. A staff member named Kayla came up to me and hugged me. I hugged her back. After a few seconds, we let each other go.
