The love between a king and his serving boy (merthur)

Chapter 9

Merlin's POV

I was in so much pain it is unbelievable. But what puts me in even more pain is that Arthur is going to sacrifice himself and I don't want that. I would rather live in complete agony for the whole of eternity than live a single day without him. He was my life and would die without him.

Nevertheless, the king tied me to a horse to make sure I didn't fall off and then got on his horse and galloped away with my horse running behind. I couldn't see much as everything seemed blurry, and all the noises were far too loud, all merging into one horrifically loud and painful noise. Arthur tried to talk to me occasionally, sometimes he was trying to sooth me, but other times he was angry and telling me to stop being an idiot. But I couldn't concentrate on his voice too well. I was more concentrating on the searing agony going through my body.

It was like a knife was carving my skin and being burned alive. My head was aching so much that I thought it would split open. I felt weak all over and I was unable to do anything. But if Arthur died saving me, I would feel infinitely worse.

"Ar... Arthur..." I mumbled, even speaking hurt.

"Stop, don't speak, try to rest Merlin," he answered, touching my hair with his fingers as he tried to feed me the disgusting food he had made on a fire.

"D... Don't do this.... I... I... I d.... I don't want y... You to die for me," I whispered. I knew it wouldn't change Arthur's mind, but I would try anyway. He just smiled sadly and continued to feed me, as I had done when I was the one taking him to the isle of the blessed when he was dying just a couple weeks ago. It felt like a lifetime ago. But with this pain I was going through, time was irrelevant and undetectable.

Arthur's POV

Merlin was so weak. I had tried talking to him but he had barley noticed. Even his eyes which were usually so bright and happy were out of focused and dull. And his skin was even paler than normal. I knew he wouldn't die, as that was part of the spell, but I couldn't bare to see him like this much longer. The absence of his wide goofy grin pained me and I would do anything to get it back even if it did mean to die.

I was feeding him when he started to talk. I told him not to, but he continued anyway. He was trying to stop me from saving him, but he would never change my mind, so I just kept feeding him. This suddenly made me think of last time we were going to the isle of the blessed, but swapped positions. He told me that I was his friend and he didn't want to loose me. I understand how he feels now, but he is so much more than a friend. Even if the feelings are not mutual, he meant more to me than anyone, and I guess it had been proved. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the person closest to his heart. Probably not. He might have a girlfriend in his village who I haven't asked about and therefore don't know about. I'm so selfish. I never talk about his feelings, I'm always just going on about my own and I realise now how I never asked him how he was. I am a terrible friend to him and it's my fault he is in this state now. Maybe dying will be good. My death will just lighten everyone's burden, and I won't have to worry about my feelings for Merlin anymore. And he would be able to have a happier life without me dragging him down constantly.