The love between a king and his serving boy (merthur)

Chapter 10

Arthur's POV

We were riding fast towards the isle of the blessed. I was determined to get there as soon as possible to end Merlin's suffering, and my own I suppose. I turned to look at him and see if he was okay. And to just look at him. His eyes kept flashing golden, but I couldn't see what he was trying to use his magic for. His body was still shaking and sweating and it hurt me to think of the pain he was going through, and I caused this. He groaned and his eyes stayed the beautiful deep blue colour they usually were. I so badly wanted to comfort him, and hug him and kiss him to make him feel better, but I can not. As well as being inappropriate, it would also probably make him uncomfortable and waste time. I guess I'll never be able to hug him or kiss him. Even if I didn't die at the isle of the blessed and we were both okay he will never have feelings for me. But my feelings for him will never leave, so dying at the isle of the blessed doesn't seem so bad. I was going to last time we came here anyway.

As we rode, I noticed the body of Morgana laying on the ground. It was half eaten with maggots and other bugs and her dress was torn and her hair was messy. But she looked calm and all the pain of life had gone from her face. She was beautiful and content and if it had not been for the rotting flesh and eaten away clothes and hair, she could've been sleeping. I was very fond of Morgana, she was basically my sister, and I remember years ago, she always taught me to do what was right. Whenever my father tried to stop me from doing something, she would be there to put me back on the right path. When I first met Merlin and he had just started being my servant, he gave his life to save mine by drinking from the goblet which he knew would kill him, and the only cure was a flower that was protected by monsters and magic and my father told me not to go. He told me to let Merlin die. Obviously I was upset and didn't want to see a friend who sacrificed their life for mine perish, but I couldn't disobey my father. Until Morgana helped. She said "sometimes you've got to do what is right, and damn the consequences," I will never forget that. Where would I be without Merlin? But I guess that she did go crazy and did deserve to die, but still, she meant a lot to me.

I again looked back to see Merlin and saw that he was peering at the corpse of Morgana. He had a pained expression, but I couldn't tell if if was because of the physical torturing pain he was in now, or the pain from seeing Morgana like that. He did kill her, but they were close friends before. I sighed. I love Merlin so much, it's not just a teenage girl crush, it's love. Even more fierce than the love I felt to Guenevere. When he looks at me I feel my cheeks flush, and my heart thumps hard in my chest when he is present.

I'm in love with him, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we, as humans, are all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth I'll ever have, and I am in love with him. (Yes, I just quoted the fault in our stars :3)

Merlin's POV

I tried to use magic to heal myself multiple times, but I'm just too weak and it won't work and I just hate myself, I'll be the cause of Arthur's death and I hate myself for it. I am in love with him so much and I'm not going to deny how much I really love him to myself any longer, because I'm in love with the king, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. (Aaand again).

As we rode on, I saw Morgans dead body. It was mangled and horrible, but also oddly peaceful, as if she had finally found peace. I hate seeing her dead, and it hate that I killed her. I miss her. She was a good friend to me before she went crazy. But Arthur must find it harder, she was like his sister and guided him through difficult times, I can only imagine what he's feeling right now. He must hate me for killing her.