All To Well

8. "I can feel myself slowly falling into a deep depression."

Lucas had been gone for only four days but it was already absolute hell for me. He and his family had packed up their stuff they day after he told everyone and left the day after that. He left on Monday and I have not left my bed since Monday,he was the only one I would really ever hang out with and he was gone so now I didn't have anyone to hang out with. I wasn't even looking foward to Christmas, which was in two weeks. I didn't want to do anything happy unless he was here being happy with me.

My mom would always try and make me go places with her to get out of bed but I always ignored her, pretending I was sleeping, since the only place I went was school and I didn't even want to go to school. But I went because I knew if I didn't my grades would drop and it would be hard to get them all up to passing again by the time I'm supposed to graduate. They day after he left was the hardest so far; the entire day my mind was racing and my breathing was uneven every time I thought about him and when he left. Watching him get on that plane and fly a thousand miles away from me was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience knowing that he wouldn't be back for a while. It was like watching my dad leave all over again except something was different this time. I knew he would come back, maybe not for a few weeks, maybe a month even. But he would be back for me.

After laying in bed for a while just thinking I finally got myself out of bed and went to the bathroom forcing myself to take a shower. I got in and let the hot water cascade down my body slightly burning my skin turning it a light pink but temporarily stopping the thought of him from passing through my mind. When I decided it was time to get out of the shower, I turned it off, grabbed a towel wrapping it around my body and walked to my bedroom. I quickly got dressed knowing I only had twenty-five minutes to eat breakfast, brush my teeth, and get to school. I went back to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and rushed to the kitchen grabbing a banana and rushing out the door to walk to the subway station as my mom was using the car while she was already at work. The subway ride was short although it felt like an hour, me worring if I was going to be late or not. I had math as my first period and the teacher was extremely strict.

I sighed in relief as I walked into the school still seeing students walking the halls but then hurrying to their classes as the first bell rang signalling that class was starting and the next bell was the late bell. I quickly walked to my locker unlocking it and throw my bag in and somehow getting my needed books out at the same time. I walked across the hall to my math class and sat down in my seat preparing to be bored out of my mind; this was always the most boring out of all of my classes but just because it was boring didn't mean I didn't get good grades. My grades in school were actually pretty good, for me at least. Nothing below a D but nothing above a B- and I just happen to have a C- in this class. I zoned off quickly, the thoughts taking over my mind once more. I finally zoned back in when I heard the bell ring. Class is over already? I thought to myself as I gathered up my books and heading to my next class.

The day pretty much went by the same way. As I was walking home Riley started spamming my phone with texts begging me to come with Topanga's and hang out with everyone and then have a sleepover at her house since it was Friday. I replied "I'm not in the mood today, Riles" simply because I was not. And plus I knew that she would only want to talk about Farkle. The blue-eyed boy had finally gathered up the courage to ask out the brown-eyed, bubbly girl and she had already fallen head over heels for him. It took her long enough to realize she liked him. She's known him since we were seven years old and she only just realized how much she liked him when we could see it all along. Right now I just wanted to go home and lay in my bed and possibly sleep. So that's just what I did.

When I woke up my mom had just gotten home from work.

"Oh hey mom, why're you home so early? It's only..." I paused checking the time on the oven, "5:30. You usually get off work at eight unless you're working late that night."

"They let me off early tonight." she said setting her purse down on the kitchen table walking over to me with a white take out box in her hands.

"Here, I got you a tuna melt on the way home. I know it's your favorite and you haven't had it in a while and I thought you could use it right now since I know Lucas left Monday and you're still upset." She sair following me to my room, "thanks mom. I appreciate it." I replied with a small taking the box from her hands and setting it on my bed side table not really in the mood to eat since she had brought Lucas up again when I had just got him out. It wasn't her fault though, he was on my mind 24/7, all times of the day anyway.

I went to my room and got back in bed shutting my lamp off in the process and pulling the blankets up to my chin and just thought. I thought and thought.

I can feel myself slowly falling into a deep depression. I've had the same routine for almost a week now.
Wake up.
Eat breakfast and rush to school.
Zone out in all of my classes.
Ignore everyone's texts.
Take a nap.
Wake up and eat a small dinner.
And then back to bed.
Repeat.