It's Complicated

02

My Mom and Dad don't get along. Not since a year before they got divorced. So needless to say, my relationship with my parents is rocky at best.

Like Jimin had said, they are trying. And they are trying for me. But what was the point of even getting married if they were just going to get divorced? I get it that some people just aren't meant for each other, but shouldn't you at least try and work things out? I guess I'll never understand. And thus why I don't really like talking to either one of them.

At least I can say that my Mom tries to talk to me. My Dad is never home to even do that.

"My baby! How was school Sweetheart?"

My Mom looks young and doesn't act her age. So most of the time people think she's my older sister, simply because she's a little bit taller than me. I swear if I was taller, people would think I was the older sister. But her looks and attitude doesn't bother me anymore. She's just trying her best to move on from the divorce and be supportive.

I get in the car and see her wearing shorts, a low V neck shirt, and shades on her face. I turn to face forward and frown. "School was fine."

If she noticed me judging her, she didn't say anything. She just continued to smile, "Any fun stuff happen?"

She pulled out of the school parking lot, and I couldn't help but look for Jimin's old white truck. I couldn't see it though so he must have already left. I frowned some more as I rested my elbow on the door handle and pressed my cheek into my hand.

"Not really."

She sucked her lips into her mouth then rolled them out as she swallowed; doing her best to stay patient. "Well, now you can relax."

She rubbed her thumb on the steering wheel over and over as she remained silent. But she was putting out really nervous energy. It was the type of energy a parent had just before they had a big talk with their kids. The exact same feeling just before they told me they were getting a divorce. So I picked up on it right away. I can say my Mom has never been good with big serious talks.

"Do you have something to say? You're fidgeting," I noticed her breathing isn't normal, the kind where she was thinking too hard on it and trying to breathe normal.

"You've always been so good at noticing things..." She moved her long bangs away from her face even though it just landed in the same spot, "I guess I do have some news."

"Good or bad?"

She turned her head and smiled a bit, but I couldn't tell what the smile really meant because I couldn't see her eyes behind her dark shades, "Both?" She let out a big huff and started speed talking, "I know you might not like this but your Mother has found someone who makes her happy right now. And I know you will probably be mad, but I think Mom deserves to be happy too, right? He treats me so nicely- oh but not to say your Father didn't treat me well- oh you know what I mean right? So-" Her laugh wasn't the type that just came out because something was funny, but awkward, "I want you to meet him and his son tonight at dinner. And that's that."

She licked her red lips and squeezed the steering wheel as she adjusted her body anxiously in her seat. Her head turned back and forth a couple of times to look at me; checking to see if I was still breathing. She even slipped off her shades to get a better look at me, one that didn't create a dark filter around her entire world.

"Sweetheart? Are you ok?"

At this moment, I had about one hundred million emotions coursing through my mind and my body. It was like all the hair on my body stood up and I was running in slow motion. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what I was feeling, because I was feeling too many things. I can say the most dominate was anger and shock and probably sadness. Anger, red hot and steaming; how could she think I'd be happy to meet her boyfriend. My Mom's boyfriend. The shock came from the fact that, at worst, I expected her to say something like, 'turns out the house caught on fire and we'll have to say in a motel.' I didn't expect 'meet my boyfriend.' And honestly, the sadness was out of nowhere. Because I hadn't realized that I still wanted my parents to get back together. I didn't realize that I was still hoping for it even though I had told myself that I was ok now about their divorce; 3 years later. It's so confusing and unfair. But my mind automatically jumped to cover up those feelings as soon as they bubbled up to the surface. Because I love my Mom so much, that as I look into her hazel eyes, I just mutter the first basic thing I can think of.

"I'm ok."

She nods her head slowly as she slips her sunglasses to sit on top of her head, pushing her bob cut back. "Ok, that's good." A moment of straight silence went by before she spoke up again, "Do you... have any questions?"

"Not really."

But she wasn't ok with my disinterest, and automatically thought back to the time when we were seeing a counselor. In which the counselor informed her that oftentimes kids dealing with their parents divorce disassociate; saying they're ok when they're not. So of course, she started panicking. "Sweetheart, you gotta give me more than that. Don't you want to know who he is? Any stuff on him? Or maybe you can tell me if you're mad or sad or-"

I threw my hands down, "Mom!"

Her forehead creased as she stared straight ahead, waiting for the yelling.

I focused on breathing through my nose, but didn't realize I was breathing heavily from the exertion of yelling. "I just..." I sucked my bottom lip in for just a second before letting it pop out, "Yeah I'm mad. I don't care to meet some dude who's sleeping with my Mom who isn't my dad." I could see from my peripherals that she was pressing her lips tightly together, which meant she was trying not to cry. "But if you say he makes you happy... then... I guess I'm ok with meeting him."

She parked the car in front of her apartment and smiled with a couple of tears falling from the corners of her eyes, "Sweetheart..."

I turned towards her and tried my best not to cry either, so avoided looking into her tearful eyes for more than a second. "Just promise me I don't have to talk much, because I'm already awkward as it is."

She busted out crying with a big smile on her face as she reached out and forced me into a tight hug, "Oh my baby girl, thank you for trying. I know this hasn't been easy for you, and I'm so proud of you baby. I love you so much."

I rubbed her back gently, feeling an awful like our roles were switched, "I love you too Mom."