It's Complicated

12

Jungkook and I have gotten into a routine now.

He picks me up for school in the morning, drops me off a street down from our campus (my suggestion not his), sit with each other in Chemistry and sneak notes, text each other during lunch (mostly making fun of his buddies and sending each other memes), and then I do all my homework at school as I wait for him to finish afternoon practice so we can go home together.

It's a secret, our friendship. Whether we said it aloud or not, we both understand our positions in school. It's just easier this way. And somehow it's carried over outside of school too when we're with our parents. We keep our conversation with each other to a minimum when we all have dinner together. Again, it's just easier. Although, my Mom doesn't really seem to care, but it's his Dad we're worried about. And honestly, I'm a little scared and intimidated by him, ever since I heard him yelling at Jungkook.

So in the times it's just me and him, we can really relax and just chill.

If we don't hang out together at my Mom's then he sneaks me into his room at his Dad's. Of course we've just gone for car rides, but gas is pricey and you can't stretch your legs out like you really want to. So tonight we settle for listening to music in his room; quietly enough that his dad doesn't complain.

"90s music sounds so old."

"That's the point genius. I thought you were smart," I teased, sprawled out on the soft rug on his floor.

"Books and studying I can do. Music and art stuff, not so much," he sighed at his own flaw.

I heard how disappointed he sounded with himself, so I sat up faced him on his bed, "You're not Superman. It's ok not being perfect at everything."

"I was raised to be perfect though," he said plainly.

I frowned, "Did your Mom allow all this when she was alive?"

"She was gentle. Always read me a book to sleep." He smiled as he remembered so many nights as a child; falling asleep to her voice. "Said I was ok if I came in second, so long as I did my best. She said she'd never forgive me if I didn't try my hardest. Said that other people are doing their best too, so it would be an insult if I didn't do the same."

"She sounded like a wise and caring woman," I smiled.

"Yeah... She was amazing." He looked down, but his smile was still there, "I miss her a lot."

"I'm sorry you lost her so soon."

"Thank you for saying that."

I nodded my head a bit in response. Feeling like if I talked, I might choke up. So I decide to lay back down on the rug and close my eyes as I listen to the music. Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon was just about to end. And somehow the lyrics resonated in the air; making Jungkook shift off his bed and to the floor with me.

I am everything you want

I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

And I don't know why

Why

I don't know

He lay next to me and turned his head so he could look at me. I could feel him do it, but I kept my head still, looking up to avoid his eyes. But the longer I tried to focus, the more I felt my head turning on its own. Until finally, my cheek was pressed into the soft rug and I locked eyes with him.

I never noticed his eyes had a little bit of green in them. They were so beautiful.

"Y/N..."

He slowly reached out and barely touched my hand. But I quickly pulled my hand away and sat up. It was a bit of a head rush as I did. It felt like my heart was about to beat out of my body.

"Jungkook I don't..."

He heard the stress and panic in my voice, so quickly sat up, "Y/N calm down, I'm not here to force you to do anything. I know my reputation around school, but I promise you it's all just talk."

"I wasn't trying to say-"

"I know... You're just timid because of everything that happened with-"

He didn't finish his sentence, mostly because he wasn't even sure how my mental state was about Jimin. So he opted to not say his name at all.

"With him..." he said instead of Jimin's name.

"Yeah. I'm just a little... I don't know."

"I promise all I wanted to do was hold your hand. Is that ok?"

I looked over and saw the honesty in his eyes. With a hard swallow and enough courage to lay back down, I nodded my head. He smiled wide as he laid back down as well, and grabbed my hand. At first it was just our fingers barely touching. We stayed that way for all of Thank You by Dido. But then he slowly reached out more till his palm was grasping my whole hand. I closed my eyes and tried not thinking about the fact that our hands were sweaty. But it didn't seem like he cared either way. Because as soon as Quit Playing Games with my Heart by the Backstreet Boys came on, he started singing.

I turned my head in shock, because his voice was actually really good. It was so smooth and flawless. Given, some of the notes and lyrics were wrong, but he had a really good singing voice. I was so surprised.

He smiled wide, "I actually know this song. My Mom liked them."

I giggled, "She had great taste."

I closed my eyes again and started singing along with the song. And just a beat later, he joined. And wanting to show off a little, I started harmonizing with him. He slowly stopped singing as I continued. Because he became too distracted with watching me. He stared in awe and unconsciously changed the position of his hand.

We kept our hands laced together for the rest of the night.