It's Complicated

09

Jungkook and I had the best score of 98 in our AP Chemistry class; much to our teacher's happiness. And making another unnecessary comment about my grades in front of the class again. But so long as I pass, I'm happy. And this 98 will do good for me.

So as the teacher finishes up his last minute announcements, I quickly write a little note on the corner of my notepad. I pushed it towards him so he could read it.

Thank you for being my partner :)

His grin so easily turned into a smile. And I don't know how he does it. I found I was just staring at his lips as he wrote down his response and pushed it back towards me.

So does this mean were friends then?

I pressed my lips together to keep myself from smiling as I scribbled down my answer.

Really good acquaintances.

What? No :/

Ok... then really really good acquaintances! :9

Then you leave me no choice. I said you owe me...

I looked up at him, and he was already looking up at me as the bell rang to dismiss class. We just stayed still and stared.

"Y/N..."

"Ok then," I glanced down, "Friends."

He smiled wide, "Sweet. See ya later then friend."

I stuck my tongue out at him as he stood up and walked out of class with a smug face, leaving me bewildered and a little dizzy. But I didn't have much time to think about it, because I suddenly remembered I had choir with Jimin, and I still wasn't comfortable seeing him.

We didn't really get to talk, but I'm ready to move past this. I don't want to think about it anymore. Because the longer I think about it, the more and more I get sad. It's just easier to push it down into the deepest parts of my soul and go on from here. I know it's not smart, but I never claimed to be.

So as I walk into choir, I quickly go to my seat on the bleachers and avoid any and all eye contact with him. I can tell he's upset, but I ignore it. I'm trying to ignore it, but I can't. I can't help but glance at him throughout the entire class. As much as I tell myself to lock away those feelings and try forget, I can't.

Because I've missed him.

I've missed him a lot.

His voice. His smile. His laugh. Even his old beat up truck. I've missed everything. And at the end of the day, I'm still in love with him. I'm still in love with my best friend, and I don't know what to do now.

What's the right answer?

I'm getting too choked up close to the end of the period, I raise my hand and ask to be excused. Or choir director can tell I'm distressed so suggests I go to the nurse's office. I don't plan too, but I'm grateful either way for him letting me leave early. And as quickly as my legs can take me, I head to the girl's restroom, lock myself into stall, and sit on the seat as I start to cry.

Every time I hear someone open the door, I hold my breath and try to stop crying enough so they don't hear me. I'm pretty successful at it. But the silence of the bathroom gets disturbed by the loud buzzing of my phone.